RTFU

You Down With FRG? Yeah, You Know Me!

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Updated: April 2, 2013

 

By RU Contributor Six

Long ago as a young, single, and innocent female in the Army (stop laughing), I found myself dating a fella who wasn’t in the service. My Boss man found out too and being that he was a ‘father figure’ to my crazy ways, he mentioned it to his wife that “the crazy girl found a guy”. The next day he cornered me and said that his wife had sent an invite for the next FRG meeting. Ummm Okay, sure I thought. I nodded and went on my merry way, jotting down the date and time he gave me.

So the day comes and I knocked on his office door. Peeked my head in, and asked what the dress code was for this FRG thing. He said “casual, ya know; jeans and nice shirt”. Too easy. Hooah. And off I prance.

I showed up at 1930 sharp and even brought a nice bottle of Reunite (stop laughing). He wasn’t there, but Mrs. Bossman was. She smiled and looked at me a bit off, but invited me in where there were already a dozen women mingling about. None looked familiar to me, so I just sat on the corner of the sofa, eating a plate of cake.

Soon, like some kind of Borg assimilation, they all began to crowd into the room and filled into the chairs and couch. Picture kindergarteners readying for story-time. . . except grown women wearing “I <3 my Soldier” tee shirts.

I had no clue what was going on, I was faking it like a pro (seriously, quit laughing). Smile and nod… smile and nod. Sheets of papers were being passed out, listing events and all kind of things going on around post. Cool, we don’t get these in the company, must be something special, this FRG club thing.

army-wife1AND THEN…… “Has everyone seen the order sheet for my Avon? The sale ends today so don’t forget to order your moisturizer”. “Oh yeah, I forgot, my Passion Party couples bag is 10% off if you want to order!” “If you need Tupperware, I’m a certified consultant now!” “Anyone need to sign up for a play date for the kids?” They all stared at me as I sat there confused, no doubt looking like a pre-teen in the DD bra section at Wal-Mart.

I turned to Mrs. Bossman and asked – “Umm, Ma’am, “I’m a bit confused, what is FRG?”

“Family Readiness Group hun. It’s the spouses of Soldiers who come together to help each other out.”

One wife leans out her chair and as it makes this low moan as her weight shifted she says “Excuse’, but who are you? Are you married to one of OUR Soldiers?”

“No ma’am” I answered. “I am a Soldier”. And then they all stared at me so hard, you would’ve thought I had a penis sticking out my forehead.

They all turned their backs to me like I had cooties. Within 10 minutes I managed to get my jacket, swipe another piece of cake, and make it out the door.

What I really wasn’t prepared for was spending the next almost 5 months dodging these wives. Apparently attending this FRG gathering and not knowing the deal caused them to assume I was there to spy on them because I wanted to sleep with their husbands. At least that’s what some of the guys told me the next few days after. “Dude, my wife said you went to the FRG thing. You dumbass, it’s for them to get together and gossip.”

My bad! I didn’t know that the invite was for the boyfriend. Weird, I know. But the Mrs. Bossman was awesome and wanted to include him since there was one other spouse that was a male, but never showed because he was the only one.

So let this be a lesson to all of you out there. FRG is for married spouses to get together and do ‘stuff‘. What they do, I’m still confused on. Some I’ve come across in my 18 years have been super awesome. A few have made me wonder what’s in their kool-aid. But remember – Family Readiness Group. … it’s not Fricking Remember Guns, Forgot Ravioli Guys, or Fantasy Rugby Girls.

Oh, and to the now ex-Mrs. SFC Wifey with the blond hair and fake boobs who whined I went to the meeting …… if you by chance see this, your husband said I was prettier than you. Take that.

Comments

comments

7 Comments

  1. James Royce

    April 2, 2013 at 9:12 am

    privates….

  2. kakaye

    April 2, 2013 at 9:22 am

    LMAO!!!!

  3. Kimber

    April 2, 2013 at 10:35 am

    Ya, not even funny.

  4. Antonio Aguilar

    April 2, 2013 at 11:29 am

    FRG meeting notification my wife got when I was deployed as an E4… “We’re having a meeting because one of the Specialists got killed over there, but we can’t say who.” And, of course, with the loss of a soldier there is communication blackout so she hadn’t heard from me in a few days. Yeah, she hit the ceiling pretty hard.

  5. Mrs. Thompson

    April 2, 2013 at 11:46 am

    I went to one meeting as a girlfriend, my now husband put my name and email down for contact while he was deployed.. I never got even one email. But I new at that ONE meeting this FRG stuff was NOT my thang!

  6. Mandy

    April 3, 2013 at 9:49 am

    This is funny because it’s true in so many ways. Not all meetings are like this, but I know that they are definitely not my cup of tea. My husband even told me not to bother going to them, especially because we lived off post. I think they can be a great time for wives on base that really need to make new friends and have a social outlet, but a lot of the “real stuff” that needs to be addressed isn’t being taught (PTSD, TBI, and disability education).

    I love the Amy wife stickers, too. My husband would probably divorce me if I started wearing Army Wife booty shorts and putting stickers on my car. lol. I love how leadership sometimes pushes our men and women to get their spouses to attend these meetings (some in early afternoon). My husband is like, “Um, my wife works. She can’t come.” And you would think he had two heads from the way they responded.

  7. Jessie

    April 3, 2013 at 4:17 pm

    Epic, hysterical, and eerily true. I was forced to attend high-school-i-mean-FRG meetings (also an army female-warrant officer type) at my old unit because of an additional duty I held. I basically had six heads, and clearly had already devised ways to sleep with everyone’s husband. The one wife who would talk to me had been black-balled because the rest of these lovely ladies had dubbed her a prostitute since she was married to a pilot and was foreign born… What a great family “support” group…

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