You Down With FRG? Yeah, You Know Me!
By RU Contributor Six
Long ago as a young, single, and innocent female in the Army (stop laughing), I found myself dating a fella who wasn’t in the service. My Boss man found out too and being that he was a ‘father figure’ to my crazy ways, he mentioned it to his wife that “the crazy girl found a guy”. The next day he cornered me and said that his wife had sent an invite for the next FRG meeting. Ummm Okay, sure I thought. I nodded and went on my merry way, jotting down the date and time he gave me.
So the day comes and I knocked on his office door. Peeked my head in, and asked what the dress code was for this FRG thing. He said “casual, ya know; jeans and nice shirt”. Too easy. Hooah. And off I prance.
I showed up at 1930 sharp and even brought a nice bottle of Reunite (stop laughing). He wasn’t there, but Mrs. Bossman was. She smiled and looked at me a bit off, but invited me in where there were already a dozen women mingling about. None looked familiar to me, so I just sat on the corner of the sofa, eating a plate of cake.
Soon, like some kind of Borg assimilation, they all began to crowd into the room and filled into the chairs and couch. Picture kindergarteners readying for story-time. . . except grown women wearing “I <3 my Soldier” tee shirts.
I had no clue what was going on, I was faking it like a pro (seriously, quit laughing). Smile and nod… smile and nod. Sheets of papers were being passed out, listing events and all kind of things going on around post. Cool, we don’t get these in the company, must be something special, this FRG club thing.
AND THEN…… “Has everyone seen the order sheet for my Avon? The sale ends today so don’t forget to order your moisturizer”. “Oh yeah, I forgot, my Passion Party couples bag is 10% off if you want to order!” “If you need Tupperware, I’m a certified consultant now!” “Anyone need to sign up for a play date for the kids?” They all stared at me as I sat there confused, no doubt looking like a pre-teen in the DD bra section at Wal-Mart.
I turned to Mrs. Bossman and asked – “Umm, Ma’am, “I’m a bit confused, what is FRG?”
“Family Readiness Group hun. It’s the spouses of Soldiers who come together to help each other out.”
One wife leans out her chair and as it makes this low moan as her weight shifted she says “Excuse’, but who are you? Are you married to one of OUR Soldiers?”
“No ma’am” I answered. “I am a Soldier”. And then they all stared at me so hard, you would’ve thought I had a penis sticking out my forehead.
They all turned their backs to me like I had cooties. Within 10 minutes I managed to get my jacket, swipe another piece of cake, and make it out the door.
What I really wasn’t prepared for was spending the next almost 5 months dodging these wives. Apparently attending this FRG gathering and not knowing the deal caused them to assume I was there to spy on them because I wanted to sleep with their husbands. At least that’s what some of the guys told me the next few days after. “Dude, my wife said you went to the FRG thing. You dumbass, it’s for them to get together and gossip.”
My bad! I didn’t know that the invite was for the boyfriend. Weird, I know. But the Mrs. Bossman was awesome and wanted to include him since there was one other spouse that was a male, but never showed because he was the only one.
So let this be a lesson to all of you out there. FRG is for married spouses to get together and do ‘stuff‘. What they do, I’m still confused on. Some I’ve come across in my 18 years have been super awesome. A few have made me wonder what’s in their kool-aid. But remember – Family Readiness Group. … it’s not Fricking Remember Guns, Forgot Ravioli Guys, or Fantasy Rugby Girls.
Oh, and to the now ex-Mrs. SFC Wifey with the blond hair and fake boobs who whined I went to the meeting …… if you by chance see this, your husband said I was prettier than you. Take that.