Updated: December 10, 2012

By RU Contributor Mad Medic

Today I got an email from Rob, the Lord and Master of the Rhino Den, about a truly loathsome creature that was making fun of Marine Sgt Merlin German. The joke boiled down to “he must’ve stuck his head in an oven.” Now anyone familiar with this tragic and heartbreaking story would agree with U.S. Army WTF Moments that it was time to truly crush the soul of this gutter grazer. Indeed this candidate for douche of the week was pretty close to getting his own personal Drill Sergeant (or pissed off officer) style reaming.

Indeed I was gearing up to take a crack at it, and there were a few others in the Rhino Den’s orbit that I’m sure could have written a truly scathing rebuke that would have left this dickless wonder a sobbing quivering mass of pathetic soup, and I’m sure you would have laughed your ass off as we in our best parlance did our utmost to shame him. Unfortunately, as a few people looked him up and realized that he was a nobody, it became pretty clear that this whole thing was all about getting attention. Like a little three year old throwing a fit, he was causing as much noise as he could, regardless of the consequences. Sadly he and his kind are so common that there really needs to be a guide to how to deal with these grade school drop outs. So here it is. I promise I’ll try not to monkey stomp any trolls until after I write this.

1). CALM THE FUCK DOWN! If you all remember a while back, shortly after the Bin Laden raid a Chinook carrying DEVGRU got shot down and a lot of Operators got killed. Well enter this one fat sack of shit who put out a YouTube video actually happy about it, praising the Taliban for shooting them down. This happened to be the same fat sack of shit that liked to dress up for Veterans Day and Memorial day, in a “costume” and get “free drinks” while telling truly outrageous tales of US atrocities to unsuspecting civilians. If you know who I’m talking about he weighs about 300 lbs and has real thick BCGs, and is just about the biggest slime ball that ever existed. Oh did I want to lay into him.

If you’re anything like me, you want to crush their soul, their nuts/ovaries, and then humiliate them publicly; usually in that order. Unfortunately, if you go off on them, unlike shouting at a private, you cannot recall your words from the internet. It’s always out there. So the first step is, before you go off on the dick munch, you need to keep calm. If you put out something too extreme it’ll come back on you.

2). Do your research. Chances are whoever it is, they have done it before. There is a rather famous spat between Blackfive’s Jim Hansen, (not This Ain’t Hell’s Jonn Lilya and TSO) with a certain “journalist” that has been making the rounds in the milblogs. Now if you just jump into it at the tail end you’d have no idea what the hell it’s all about and when he goes off at the head you kind of have a WTF moment. Go back and look at what they’ve said. If they’ve really doubled down on the stupid, your first instinct is to jump into the fray. Again with #1 you need to know what you’re talking about.

3). Figure out what you’re going to say. Don’t just respond to everything and get in to shouting matches about how you’re going to beat their ass as it is counterproductive. Keep it specific, but also keep it brief if you can. The more you go off, the more ammunition you give the trolls.

4). Trolls happen, DEAL WITH IT! Yes this part kind of sucks. Trolls can and will happen. You have to learn that sometimes it is best to simply ignore these people. You can’t shout them down, and they are so set in their ways you can’t convert them. Remember what your NCOs and Officers (well less so the officers) would remind you, “You can’t fix stupid.”

5). Know the law, and the rules of your posting site. Sometimes the best thing to do is find the moderator and simply get the troll banned. I recommend if you find something truly offensive, do a screen grab, you may need evidence that they are doing something offensive. Sadly you’ll have to do this routinely because more often than not they’ll just get a new account and keep posting, or the moderator will only remove individual postings.

6). Know your allies. Got something that’s more than just some yahoo trying to get attention? Well there are several people you should contact to help you. Try This Ain’t Hell, Blackfive, US Army WTF Moments, Duffle Blog, YouServed, and of course the Rhino Den is always here to back you up. If you find a douche nozzle that is truly unrepentant and needs to get a new one ripped, then let us know. The community is pretty small and will be quick to respond if we find someone truly in need of our special touch.

I’ll be honest, it is a very good thing that no one can hear the things I say in my head about these fuck wads. I mean really, you’d think I wanted to cut off their testicles to prevent any future breading, break their typing fingers, and dance and Irish jig on their spleen. Yes I could do all those things, and with IP tracking software it is oh so tempting, after all, blunt force trauma is a great way to win an argument. But you see, I’m better than that. I know they’re probably virgins, or have to pay the skankiest, herpes-infested whores to have sex. I know they’re probably living lives that are so pathetic that only their parents are willing to take them in. What’s the use of lowering myself to their level?

Just remember fellow Military folks and supporters, you are better than them. When the nation needs you, you’re there. When trolls need hot pockets, they call their mom. You have a life that is not in front of a computer screen. They have a ton of old Xena tapes that they whack off to (or an online girlfriend that’s really a 32 year old man that manages a McDonalds). Keep the faith, don’t lose your head and believe it or not, it’ll work out.





  1. Mike Schlitz

    July 22, 2012 at 4:28 pm

    I personally knew SGT Merlin German. He was injured just before me and served as a great example on where I needed to with my recovery. He use to visit all newly burned veterans and his memory lives on through us. I am glad I didn’t see this douche spitting off and to tell you the truth won’t look it up. Like most people who post to You Tube do it for the ‘Likes’ and ‘Views’ but I am not going to give them the pleasure of seeing one more number. Great Article and Thank you.

    • paul ulejezuk

      August 15, 2012 at 10:11 am

      Wish the jester had targeted this douche bag.
      well you know what happens to people like that, they get whats coming to them
      nuff respect to all the troops
      [email protected]\/\/07F

  2. Anthony

    July 23, 2012 at 6:22 am

    Just thought you guys would be interested in an article that was recently posted. I think the writer of this article needs to do some more research before talking smack about This Ain’t Hell and Black 5. What you guys are doing is a great thing and I respect it.

  3. Mad Medic

    July 23, 2012 at 8:23 pm

    Anthony, I think referring you to them if you have an issues with trolls tends to be the exact opposite of “talking smack” about them.

    • Rick

      July 25, 2012 at 5:14 pm

      Hey, Mad Medic. I think Anthony meant the writer of the article he was referring to, not yours. I think…

  4. Mat

    July 31, 2012 at 4:23 pm

    Just thought you guys might want to see this. Posted at http://msn.foxsports.com/olympics/swimming/story/michael-phelps-london-games-most-career-athlete-medals-united-states-freestyle-relay-073112

    Posted by DonkeyBreath

    Free country? Where do you live… fantasy land? The US once had a working middle class. Now the only ones with money are students (of ALL ages) who obtain loans for school and the super RICH who could not care less about job training…. and the US military (looking for someone else to KILL). MILLIONS of people will never hold another job because they are too qualified, too jobless (for more than 1 year), and much TOO MANY… for corporations who are NOT HIRING IN THE US because they ARE HIRING IN CHINA…. go figure. It ain’t Kansas anymore and being BLACK will NOT guarantee you a job even when you live in the shadow of the Whitie House and its half-black President. Bring half black ain’t half wrong and it ain’t half RIGHT either.

  5. Kelly Crigger

    August 1, 2012 at 8:22 am

    A troll tweeted me today. He said “It’s an American thing. You’ll understand someday.” I had to remember rule #1.

  6. Pappy Groves

    August 2, 2012 at 10:00 pm

    Or, you can just stuff the Troll’s into a Wood Chipper?

  7. AppalachianRanger

    December 10, 2012 at 1:18 pm

    I like this article but I think that it all comes down to one problem none of us can fix, and it’s not stupidity. The problem is that the Internet, manly Youtube and Facebook, gives people a medium to speak through with no repercussions. In today’s time it’s hard enough NOT to get in trouble for laying some hipster out for telling you that you are the reason that Iraq is in such a state of chaos because of all the innocent people you LIKE to kill (no shit that really happened to me in anthropology 101), or that your a baby killer. Still they seem not to really hit the “WTF did you just say patchy beard?!” comments like the ones in this article for the simple reason that they know that we will crush their tiny nuts and spit our chaw in their wheat grass smoothie. However, the Internet gives these attention whores a way to say these unbelievable comments with no fear. I wish for one day Youtube a facebook would post the locations of where all posts and uploaded videos were made from. So when the big, orange #2 diamond hat wearing, bearded former RAGNAR (still should be the name of the rhino) dude walks in with eye pro and gloves to protect from the blood spatter, the little punks cover the back of his skinny jeans with the digested mixture of organic soy milk and their wheat grass smoothie. I think this would solve the issue at hand and make people like Sgt Merlin German a smile.

  8. Rodger Young

    December 10, 2012 at 3:39 pm

    Can I forward this to James Yeager?

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