Top 15 Signs of Curmudgeonism
By RU Rob
Our in-house curmudgeon, Kelly Crigger, has blessed the holiday season with a slew of curmudgeonisms. If you have not read his book, Curmudgeonism: A Surly Man’s Guide to Midlife, you are missing out on an entertaining, yet real look at how you can expect yourself to change over the next years.
As an added bonus, buy a book between now and Christmas and have it personally signed by the King-Curmudgeon himself.
You also might want to stop by our sister blog, Unapologetically American, for bonus material.
Now…get OFF our yard and read these:
-You start false rumors just to see who will believe them. Did you know the first plane to drop an A bomb was called the Ebola Gay?
-Every day goes from zero to stupid before the first cup of coffee.
-When playing chess you yell, “get off my pawn kid!”
-You buy a drone for home security but really use it for daughter security.
-Shark Tank gets funnier every time you see it.
-Your Ginsu knives are dull, your Dyson has lost suction, and Viagra isn’t worth the effort.
-You tell everyone how hard you had it because you did goddamit!
-You claim to forget things even when you don’t and then accuse someone of agism when they get mad.
-I can’t remember what this one was going to be but it was really funny, you agist.
-Every time someone says ISIS you flashback to the 70’s TV show and google Wonder Woman.
-The erector set you played with as a kid is now a pill.
-During sex you yell “ANYDAY NOW!”
-You’re confused by the term “Reclaimed Wood.”
-You refer to you and your wife’s genitals as The Little Train That Could and The Canyon of Despair.
-Your 7th inning stretch is a Metamucil and a nap in the 3rd.