To Douche or Not to Douche?
By RU Contributor SGT Awesome
Like many people on Sunday night, I was watching a poorly refereed football game between the New England Patriots and the Baltimore Ravens; each blown call forcing me deeper into the bottle. At the end of the game I was drunk enough that I didn’t notice the pain in my hand until the next morning (from punching things).
I was not alone; in Killeen, Texas three Soldiers were also watching the game and drinking at their off post apartment: 27 year old SPC Patrick Myers, 22 year old PFC Isaac Young and another unnamed individual. During the game PFC Young came down with a case of the hiccups and as any good battle buddy would do, SPC Myers decided to try and scare him to get rid of his hiccups.
Patrick grabbed a pistol, pointed it at Isaac’s face and pulled the trigger, successfully curing Isaac’s hiccups.
The gun was loaded.
Monday night while most football fans were yelling and screaming about the shitty referee redux, PFC Isaac Young’s family sat in shock, mourning their tragic loss as SPC Myers worked off his hangover in jail; charged with manslaughter and being held on one million dollars bail.
Now, by all accounts they were friends, and they were drunk and all the details have yet to come to light, but I can’t hold this in.
You’re a 27 year old Specialist in the Army; I KNOW you’ve touched a gun before asshole. I KNOW you were taught to always treat guns as if they were loaded. I KNOW you were taught to never point a gun at ANYTHING you weren’t prepared to fucking kill.
Now because you decided to be a fucking retard: your friend is dead, you are going to jail, you’ve irrevocably affected the lives of both his and your families, and a million Soldiers will now likely have to sit through another eight hour fucking Power Point about something so fucking basic, that most seven year olds can comprehend it within five minutes.
Here is where I would normally grant Patrick eternal membership into the Ranger Up Douche of the Week Brotherhood, but frankly I think it would be offensive to the other douchebags. I certainly can’t call him a Blue Falcon because even a buddy fucker isn’t stupid enough to do what he did. I’m just left angry, sad, confused, and without words.
What say you reader? How can we properly classify this fucknugget?