To Douche or Not to Douche?

Updated: September 27, 2012

By RU Contributor SGT Awesome

SPC Patrick Myers

Like many people on Sunday night, I was watching a poorly refereed football game between the New England Patriots and the Baltimore Ravens; each blown call forcing me deeper into the bottle. At the end of the game I was drunk enough that I didn’t notice the pain in my hand until the next morning (from punching things).

I was not alone; in Killeen, Texas three Soldiers were also watching the game and drinking at their off post apartment: 27 year old SPC Patrick Myers, 22 year old PFC Isaac Young and another unnamed individual. During the game PFC Young came down with a case of the hiccups and as any good battle buddy would do, SPC Myers decided to try and scare him to get rid of his hiccups.

Patrick grabbed a pistol, pointed it at Isaac’s face and pulled the trigger, successfully curing Isaac’s hiccups.

The gun was loaded.

Monday night while most football fans were yelling and screaming about the shitty referee redux, PFC Isaac Young’s family sat in shock, mourning their tragic loss as SPC Myers worked off his hangover in jail; charged with manslaughter and being held on one million dollars bail.

Now, by all accounts they were friends, and they were drunk and all the details have yet to come to light, but I can’t hold this in.

You’re a 27 year old Specialist in the Army; I KNOW you’ve touched a gun before asshole. I KNOW you were taught to always treat guns as if they were loaded. I KNOW you were taught to never point a gun at ANYTHING you weren’t prepared to fucking kill.

Now because you decided to be a fucking retard: your friend is dead, you are going to jail, you’ve irrevocably affected the lives of both his and your families, and a million Soldiers will now likely have to sit through another eight hour fucking Power Point about something so fucking basic, that most seven year olds can comprehend it within five minutes.

Here is where I would normally grant Patrick eternal membership into the Ranger Up Douche of the Week Brotherhood, but frankly I think it would be offensive to the other douchebags. I certainly can’t call him a Blue Falcon because even a buddy fucker isn’t stupid enough to do what he did. I’m just left angry, sad, confused, and without words.

What say you reader? How can we properly classify this fucknugget?





  1. Marie

    September 27, 2012 at 5:53 pm

    douchnozzle perhaps

  2. Q

    September 27, 2012 at 6:00 pm


  3. Antonio Aguilar

    September 27, 2012 at 6:07 pm

    I don’t even know what to say on this one either… WTF? Even civilians know not to do that.

    • Chris A

      October 9, 2012 at 1:40 am

      No, they don’t. My roommate (who used to own her own guns and just came home from a day of shooting someone else’s) did that to me. Fortunately I cleared the weapon before handing it to her.

      She was asking about ways to improve her shooting. I cleared my pistol, showed her how to clear it, then told her to pick a target and practice dry firing the pistol. Apparently she thought picking me would be funny.

      I took the gun from her and made it perfectly clear how unacceptable that was, but I have heard of plenty of idiots (military, civilian, and law enforcement) who have pointed a gun at someone inappropriately.

      In the end, I don’t think this SPC needs any further punishment than waking up each morning remembering he killed his buddy. The law will handle the rest. We need to save exile to douchebaggistan for all the people the law misses.

      • Marcus

        November 9, 2012 at 2:54 pm

        I was scared for my life when I had to work on the range with some National Guardsmen. Maybe having Hollywood near by screwed their heads up, but they just loved flagging each other. This is why we should stop giving waivers to mentally handicapped people.

  4. Troy

    September 27, 2012 at 6:08 pm

    There is no excuse for this, but I dealt with basic idiocy at this level more often than not on active-duty. I once had a SPC pointing an M9 at the feet of a bunch of officers and other soldiers, he was racking the slide over and over and generally fucking around. Nobody stopped him. I went up to him, took him outside, and asked him to give me the firearms safety rules. He couldn’t name one. For the next week he recited them to me whenever he saw me. The standards of basic have either fallen so law, or we are just accepting too many idiots into our armed forces. I’d say it’s a bit of both.

  5. brendan sheil

    September 27, 2012 at 6:10 pm

    as awful as this story is, anyone who has ever served can think of at least a couple of people in their platoon that are stupid enough to do this

  6. SPC Kleemann

    September 27, 2012 at 6:11 pm

    Team Killing Fucktard (Courtesy of the Red vs Blue Series)

  7. jon t

    September 27, 2012 at 6:21 pm

    What a Fuck tard. He gets his own category of retarded asshole.

  8. Carla Gowdy

    September 27, 2012 at 6:21 pm

    I am completely amazed. My family called Ft.Hood home just over a year ago, we love “The Great Place”… it’s amazing how stupid one person can be. Whether intoxicated or not, he should have known better than to even play with a gun!! As Antonio states above – even civilians know not to do that! A soldier should know better! I’m sure it was accidental, but his stupidity is the bigger picture. Prayers will be sent to both families.

  9. Morgan

    September 27, 2012 at 6:23 pm

    Angry, sad & confused about covers it. 1st rule of gun safety, they’re always loaded. However, it happened to Navy SEAL Petty Officer 3rd Class Gene “Geno” Clayton, Jr. in January this year. Alcohol was a factor in both shootings. The only lesson I can derive is that when the booze comes out, the guns need to be locked away. Sad.

  10. CPT T

    September 27, 2012 at 6:43 pm

    That’s why you don’t mix firearms and alcohol!!! You don’t drink when you carry, and you don’t carry when you drink!!

  11. steven

    September 27, 2012 at 6:44 pm

    you said it perfectly right at the end there, He is a Fucknugget.

  12. Les Terrell

    September 27, 2012 at 6:51 pm

    Reverse Darwin award???? Only the extraordinarily stupid survive

  13. Reilly

    September 27, 2012 at 7:01 pm

    Alcohol Intoxication the leading cause of incresing the stupid factor. No matter how well you are trained, all discipline goes out the window when the BAC rises.

  14. Matt

    September 27, 2012 at 7:18 pm

    Actually, I think you just classified him. Fucknugget. That seems to work just fine.

  15. Brendan

    September 27, 2012 at 7:22 pm

    Oh, he’s a douchebag, alright. There are different sizes and uses for douchebags. His particular flavor is what’s known in medical circles as the “ass-douche” It’s for disimpacting fecal matter from the colon. This dumbass MFer needs to spend a shit-ton of time in jail “reflecting” on his dumbassery.

    And maybe getting his own pipes snaked, so to speak.

  16. Doc Murray

    September 27, 2012 at 7:34 pm

    2nd the team killing fucktard and full on oxygen thief, to stupid to fucking live

  17. Johnny Atkins

    September 27, 2012 at 9:54 pm

    You know, I’ve been around long enough to know that interservice rivalry is mostly bullshit. That being said, I heard about this incident and had a few immediate thoughts.

    Marines do a lot of dumb shit. We throw each other off the 3rd deck catwalk in the barracks wrapped in a mattress to welcome a new guy to the platoon. We ride our Harley totally drunk and naked with a naked chick on the back until we wreck (Google “naked Gunny”). We make YouTube videos that get our name on the Commandant’s shitlist.

    But I swear to Christ, the first thought that ran through my head when I read about this idiot: “There’s dumb, and then there’s Army Dumb.”

  18. BILL

    September 27, 2012 at 11:13 pm

    One thing that has been drilled into us in the last few years is alcohol is NO excuse for anything.

  19. Tommy

    September 28, 2012 at 1:07 am

    I say FuckTard sums it up

  20. Steve

    September 28, 2012 at 7:36 am


  21. Rotti

    September 28, 2012 at 9:09 am

    Official Prime Minister of Douchebagistan – Assistant dick cream applicator to Bin Laden’s rotting corpse.

  22. Ryan

    September 28, 2012 at 9:48 am

    He may be a completed fucking fucktard, but he’s not the first and he won’t be the last. No matter what we do, he will be suffering this burden for the rest of his life.

    There was a story going around the FOB in Kuwait when we first arrived in country in 05 as we were staging our gear for the deployment into Iraq about a cocky 2LT that was asked to clear his 9mm into the barrel as he was entering the main gate. He laughed and when one of the PFCs asked him why he wouldn’t clear his weapon he remarked “Because it’s not loaded private!” and proceeded to prove it by raising it to the PFC’s forhead and pulling the trigger. It was loaded.

    I don’t know how accurate the story is, but I know it has some truth to it. These lapses in judgement can happen to anyone. This soldier isn’t a douche, he’s just stupid, and he can’t help that. Just one Sergeant’s humble opinion.

  23. Raul Felix

    October 2, 2012 at 3:43 pm

    Anal sex baby.

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