The Coming Apocalypse: Bullets, Beans, and Ebola
By Ross Elder
My ever creative friends delight in posting internet conspiracy theories to my facebook timeline in sort of a sick and twisted challenge game. The idea is to cause me to debunk said conspiracy theory or watch my head explode as I try to absorb all of the stupid. My head is still intact but I am not sure what that says about my capacity for stupid. I am potentially far too tolerant.
This week’s winner was Jeremy Dunfee, who posted this link to my timeline:
The article titled, NOW WE KNOW WHY HOMELAND SECURITY BOUGHT MILLIONS OF COFFINS AND BILLIONS OF BULLETS – posted by serious author and expert investigator, STAFF (come on, who names their kid Staff? That’s just weird.), proposes that all of the previous conspiracy theories – FEMA camps, FEMA coffins, Billions of rounds purchased by the FED – have all now aligned and revealed their true purpose. That purpose, according to the author, is to impose martial law, kill off a bunch of people, and stick those who resist in FEMA camps.
The first assertion of the author is that we are facing an Ebola pandemic with a 90% fatality rate. This, of course, is not even close to reality. Pandemics are typically characterized as having impacted multiple continents or even a worldwide presence. There are currently only five instances of this Ebola strain leaving West Africa – three cases in the U.S., one in Spain, and one in Senegal. Neither of the cases in Spain and Senegal were fatal and only one of the U.S. cases has been fatal. The U.S. fatality was not from the U.S., nor did he contract the disease in the U.S. The disease has not even spread widely within the African continent itself. This is no pandemic.
As far as fatality rates are concerned, this current outbreak has a fatality rate of almost exactly 50%. Yes, there are statistics that show some strains of Ebola have a fatality rate of much higher but, when viewed scientifically, as everything should be, (except totally gorgeous women) you find that those particular outbreaks only infected a handful of people by comparison. In some cases, it was only one patient and they died, giving that particular outbreak a fatality rate of 100%. Conversely, there have been outbreaks that infected small numbers of people and there were NO fatalities. So, each outbreak has to be analyzed on its own merit, not as a piece of the larger puzzle. On average, Ebola will claim 50% of the lives it touches. But, you also have to consider where these outbreaks occur and the level of care these patients receive. We aren’t talking about catching pneumonia in Seattle and receiving world-class care. We are talking about countries that struggle to treat even mild disorders. And, in these countries, many of the patients arrive with full-blown Ebola symptoms, which is usually too late to start effective treatment. If you are bleeding out of your eyes and vomiting blood, you are almost certain to die. If you are diagnosed when only the first symptoms are presented, like say a mild fever, your chances of surviving increase exponentially.
(These statistics are taken directly from the C.D.C. and W.H.O. – I’m not just making them up.)
Next, the author tells you, with no supporting evidence of course, that the Department of Homeland Security has purchased 100 million coffins and 30 billion, with a big B, rounds of ammunition. This is where it gets fun. Hold on while I stretch.
FEMA and DHS have purchased a grand total of ZERO coffins. Zero, with a big Z. This conspiracy theory actually dates back to before Obama was elected President, originating sometime in 2007. (It’s Bush’s fault!) It all started when two websites, AboveTopSecret and InfoWars, began covering the HUGE stockpile of black, plastic coffins being stored in Madison, Georgia – not far from CDC Headquarters. Why would the government need so many coffins? Why, because they plan to kill us all, that’s why! Duh.
These “coffins” aren’t coffins at all. They are grave liners that are placed in the ground before the coffin is lowered. They prevent water from seeping in and destroying the coffin which results in a collapse underground and then depressions in the ground where the coffin used to be. They help stabilize the surface soil and help preserve the coffin itself. You know, just in case you plan on digging up Granny sometime just to say hello.
They are not owned by the Government in any way, shape, or form. They are owned by a company called Vantage Products Corp. which manufactures, you guessed it, friggin grave liners. When you consider that 2.5 Million people die in the U.S. annually, you need a lot of grave liners. Adding to that, when you plan and pre-pay for your funeral, your grave liner is set aside for you and stored until you kick the bucket. So, if you are a manufacturer of grave liners, it would not be uncommon for you to have a couple hundred thousand of them stored. These liners are weather proof and are therefore simply stored in stacks outside. If being buried underground for eternity won’t destroy them, why would a little rain and snow?
30 Billion rounds of ammunition? With a big B? Not quite. The author exaggerates on an almost mystical level. DHS purchased 1.2 billion rounds of various caliber to be delivered over the next 5 years. That is any shooter’s wet dream. It also isn’t very impressive. The first shipment was of around 450 million rounds.
Consider the size of the DHS. It is comprised of many agencies ranging from the TSA to the Border Patrol to the Coast Guard. Statistics are hard to find, but in 2004, Federal Law Enforcement Agents accounted for more than 110,000 armed personnel working full time. We can assume, based on the Police State memes that keep crossing my Facebook feed, the number has only increased every year since then. I will be conservative and use a figure of 125,000 full time armed personnel. If those 125k do the bare minimum of shooting per year, let’s say 50 rounds, your ammunition allotment is already well over 6.2 million rounds. I would assume, since DHS is supposed to be high speed trend-setters, that they do a considerably more shooting than that. I would estimate that it is probably closer to 1,000 rounds per year. This gives you a figure of 125,000,000 rounds per year just for their full time law enforcement personnel. Throw in part-timers and all of the personnel who are from other agencies going through DHS sponsored training sessions and you could easily require 250,000,000 rounds per year across the country. That initial shipment of 450 million rounds won’t even get you through two calendar years of training. With an average MISSED SHOT rate of 70% to 80% according to FBI statistics from actual LEO shooting incidents, 450 million rounds wouldn’t even be enough for them to kill everyone in California, let alone take over the U.S. in a bloody, tyrannical rampage.
The author then brags a little by claiming to have “called” the world-ending Ebola pandemic in Guinea in an earlier article from April of this year. Oddly enough, when you follow the link he provides to said life-changing article, you read a tale of how the U.S. really isn’t under any threat from Ebola and how it isn’t going to spread easily. At the time of that writing, that “Ebola Pandemic” had only claimed around 120 lives. At the conclusion of that outbreak, some 843 lives were lost. Not quite a world-wide pandemic of biblical proportions for which the DHS will respond with martial law and 100 million coffins.
In conclusion, I would just like to say that Political Ear is definitely on my list of websites that should be avoided if you are looking for anything resembling facts or evidence. You will find none. You will only find conjecture and speculation based on fantasy. Save yourself a headache and put it in your browser blocker.