The Big Weiner and Premature Speculation
By Mr. Twisted
A quick recap of the week’s events in politics to remember the level of super-fantastic-awesomeness that the leadership in our country attained:
No doubt by this point most have heard of New York City Mayoral candidate Anthony Weiner’s indiscretion in the Twitter universe. Despite the fact that ol’ Weiner Dog gave up his seat in Congress over two years ago because he couldn’t stop texting pictures of his junk to girls who weren’t Mrs. Weiner, Tony didn’t learn from his mistakes.
This week it was revealed that Mr. Weinerschnitzel took on the pseudonym of, wait for it…Carlos Danger in yet even more sexting and Twexting (I made that up, sure, but I think it works for the hipsters out there). This would be an entertaining story except for two key points:
One, he’s running for mayor of the biggest city in the United States.
Two, despite (or perhaps because of?) his extramarital internet trolling, Anthony Weiner seems to still be leading in the polls for the mayoral race.
Apparently being an anti-gun, big government, internet playboy (while his spouse is giving birth, no less) is not enough to dissuade the people of NYC from a positive rating. Yay for that…?
But don’t worry, that wasn’t even the lamest thing in politics this week.
Rep. Justin Amash (R-MI) sponsored a bill that would curb some of the ever-increasing powers and abilities of the NSA to spy on American citizens. The amendment, which Amash stated was simply designed to protect the Fourth Amendment to the Constitution, enjoyed impressive bi-partisan support from both liberal Democrats and libertarian Republicans, as well as having an ideology that is favored by a majority of Americans according to recent polls.
No matter—the bill was shot down on Wednesday: 94 Republicans and 111 Democrats in favor; 134 Republicans and 83 Democrats against.
Two things of note here that I find fascinating: One, while we can argue whether or not allowing massive data collection on private citizens is all fine and dandy with the Constitution, the willingness of both Republican and Democrats alike to engage in the hyperbole used to squash this bill has been quite astounding. Stating that passing the Amash Amendment would “take us back to September 10” is nothing short of ridiculous.
Two, the fact that we are at a point in our country where serious legislative efforts are being undertaken to protect amendments with…other amendments…is somewhat surreal. One would think that laws like the Fourth Amendment could stand on their own merits, given that they are part of the Bill of Rights, but here we are.
Yes indeed, ladies and gentlemen, the douchebaggery abounded in politics this week. From Sen. John McCain (R-AZ) showing a demonstrable ignorance of the Zimmerman case to Attorney General Eric Holder blatantly ignoring Supreme Court rulings and doing his own thing, this week has not exactly been a shining beacon of hope for the cause of American freedom.
And if all of the above wasn’t bad enough, Rolling Stone magazine reported that their sales were up 20 percent after putting Tsarderka-derka on its cover. F#@K!
However, as usual, with all of the hoopla over negative and disgraceful stories, the news tends to bury some noteworthy moments—like, for instance, former President George Herbert Walker Bush shaving his head in solidarity with the two year old son of a security detail member who is suffering from leukemia. Bush, recipient of the Distinguished Flying Cross for his bravery during operations against the Japanese in World War II, decided to shave his head after the boy began losing his hair and has aided greatly to fundraising efforts for the boy’s family in fighting the disease.
And let’s not forget… Oh wait, shit. That’s literally the only positive story relating to a politician this week. Everything I see is an example of politicians being greedy, John Kerry influencing events in the Middle East, and further evidence of the government wasting “more money than you think.”
Did you know that there are 11 federal agencies operating 94 separate “energy efficient” initiatives? Or that the Department of Education spent $1.4 billion last year on “student aid scams”? Not to be outdone, the Department of Labor managed to budget $118 million on “dropouts from underperforming job programs” in addition to, take a breath… $14 billion on “consumer fraud.”
These figures are, unfortunately, the tip of the iceberg and don’t even approach the numbers in overlapping programs that are undertaken by multiple government organizations and make the term “redundant” seem rather inadequate.
It makes waiting on the VA all the more painful, doesn’t it?
There is one positive from all of this, I suppose. Slate introduced “The Carlos Danger Name Generator” so that you, too, can have a cool sexting pseudonym.
I for one will henceforth be posting as: Santiago Clandestine.
You killed my father, now prepare to die.