The Big Weiner and Premature Speculation

Updated: July 26, 2013


By Mr. Twisted

A quick recap of the week’s events in politics to remember the level of super-fantastic-awesomeness that the leadership in our country attained:

No doubt by this point most have heard of New York City Mayoral candidate Anthony Weiner’s indiscretion in the Twitter universe. Despite the fact that ol’ Weiner Dog gave up his seat in Congress over two years ago because he couldn’t stop texting pictures of his junk to girls who weren’t Mrs. Weiner, Tony didn’t learn from his mistakes.

This week it was revealed that Mr. Weinerschnitzel took on the pseudonym of, wait for it…Carlos Danger in yet even more sexting and Twexting (I made that up, sure, but I think it works for the hipsters out there). This would be an entertaining story except for two key points:

One, he’s running for mayor of the biggest city in the United States.

Two, despite (or perhaps because of?) his extramarital internet trolling, Anthony Weiner seems to still be leading in the polls for the mayoral race.

Apparently being an anti-gun, big government, internet playboy (while his spouse is giving birth, no less) is not enough to dissuade the people of NYC from a positive rating. Yay for that…?

But don’t worry, that wasn’t even the lamest thing in politics this week.

Rep. Justin Amash (R-MI) sponsored a bill that would curb some of the ever-increasing powers and abilities of the NSA to spy on American citizens. The amendment, which Amash stated was simply designed to protect the Fourth Amendment to the Constitution, enjoyed impressive bi-partisan support from both liberal Democrats and libertarian Republicans, as well as having an ideology that is favored by a majority of Americans according to recent polls.

No matter—the bill was shot down on Wednesday: 94 Republicans and 111 Democrats in favor; 134 Republicans and 83 Democrats against.

Two things of note here that I find fascinating: One, while we can argue whether or not allowing massive data collection on private citizens is all fine and dandy with the Constitution, the willingness of both Republican and Democrats alike to engage in the hyperbole used to squash this bill has been quite astounding. Stating that passing the Amash Amendment would “take us back to September 10” is nothing short of ridiculous.

Two, the fact that we are at a point in our country where serious legislative efforts are being undertaken to protect amendments with…other amendments…is somewhat surreal. One would think that laws like the Fourth Amendment could stand on their own merits, given that they are part of the Bill of Rights, but here we are.

Yes indeed, ladies and gentlemen, the douchebaggery abounded in politics this week. From Sen. John McCain (R-AZ) showing a demonstrable ignorance of the Zimmerman case to Attorney General Eric Holder blatantly ignoring Supreme Court rulings and doing his own thing, this week has not exactly been a shining beacon of hope for the cause of American freedom.

And if all of the above wasn’t bad enough, Rolling Stone magazine reported that their sales were up 20 percent after putting Tsarderka-derka on its cover. F#@K!

bush41However, as usual, with all of the hoopla over negative and disgraceful stories, the news tends to bury some noteworthy moments—like, for instance, former President George Herbert Walker Bush shaving his head in solidarity with the two year old son of a security detail member who is suffering from leukemia. Bush, recipient of the Distinguished Flying Cross for his bravery during operations against the Japanese in World War II, decided to shave his head after the boy began losing his hair and has aided greatly to fundraising efforts for the boy’s family in fighting the disease.

And let’s not forget… Oh wait, shit. That’s literally the only positive story relating to a politician this week. Everything I see is an example of politicians being greedy, John Kerry influencing events in the Middle East, and further evidence of the government wasting “more money than you think.”

Did you know that there are 11 federal agencies operating 94 separate “energy efficient” initiatives? Or that the Department of Education spent $1.4 billion last year on “student aid scams”? Not to be outdone, the Department of Labor managed to budget $118 million on “dropouts from underperforming job programs” in addition to, take a breath… $14 billion on “consumer fraud.”

These figures are, unfortunately, the tip of the iceberg and don’t even approach the numbers in overlapping programs that are undertaken by multiple government organizations and make the term “redundant” seem rather inadequate.

It makes waiting on the VA all the more painful, doesn’t it?

There is one positive from all of this, I suppose. Slate introduced “The Carlos Danger Name Generator” so that you, too, can have a cool sexting pseudonym.

I for one will henceforth be posting as: Santiago Clandestine.

You killed my father, now prepare to die.





  1. leftoftheboom

    July 26, 2013 at 10:32 am

    And the mob was entertained and failed to notice as Rome burned.
    I used to analyze threats to predict the next boom. It was not an exact science but learning that taught me to use it everywhere else and the threat matrix helps me identify what is most important.

    When I see a leading story that really serves no purpose except to cause outrage and conversation, I start looking for what is not getting attention because the magicians in the media are directing the mob’s attention away from what the “other hand” is doing.

    People always slow down to see the wreck and maybe the blood and gore at a traffic accident. So the media give them spectacle while the real stories go unreported or under reported. And the mob eats it up because they are getting just enough gravy with their kibble that they don’t care.

    What were the important parts that we should have seen this week? We still don’t have a budget. We still don’t have immigration reform. We still don’t understand the Affordable Health Care Act. We are still trying to give money and guns to Syrian rebels who may or may not be less evil and dangerous than the regime they are rebelling against. There are no shades of grey; there is flat black and bottom of barrel darkness.

    The masses focus on the glitter and spectacle because the power magnates and the government control the media and the airwaves. I don’t have my own television network. Sure I have the internet but far too often, no matter how well written, it does not have the impact of the visual conflagration of a juicy story that they can milk for all its worth.

    Take the Zimmerman trial. If the lead media story said “black male shot after assaulting Neighborhood watch volunteer” which is what really happened, there would be no media frenzy. But by posting a picture of a precocious 12 year old Trayvon and altering the story we have a media feeding frenzy and no one is paying attention to what should be going on in congress, again.

    We are heading towards a meltdown. The media keeps stirring the pot and pushing buttons because they have to keep the jaded sheep distracted from the sight and smell of the slaughterhouse. Yes I like metaphor too. The price of silver and gold are fluctuating. The dollar is weak. We lost our AAA credit rating and now we hear that the banks that took it were operating on some shady circumstances. Did not hear that one did you? Think about it. Our entire economy is affected by the Standard and Poor rating. This bank is judging us all and if they are not being fair about it they affect us all. How big was the front page story that the bank, which affects the value of the dollar in your pocket to buy anything, might not be on the up and up? And which currency traders got rich when the dollar’s value dropped?

    Or how about the fact that gas prices are still at record highs and no one is doing anything about it while the oil companies are posting record profits?

    Of course I am just thinking out loud. I could be wrong.

  2. Mr. Twisted

    July 26, 2013 at 1:42 pm


    While I completely agree with you that people in general are easily distracted by the stories that don’t matter, I don’t believe there is any concerted, cohesive effort to make this happen. I think that it’s the people who *want* to be led into being distracted that is the crux of the problem–not a maniacal force waging war behind the scenes to make sure people don’t see what is really going on.

    This isn’t to say that’s what your theory is, but I often see people take exactly what you wrote and turn it into a vast conspiracy of government trying to blind people. I think we, in this community especially, know that government isn’t competent enough to pull off something that complicated.

    • leftoftheboom

      July 26, 2013 at 2:28 pm

      I agree that there is no conspiracy. That would require competence and orchestrated cooperation beyond anything realistically practical. It would require a super arch villain to pull it off and while I would love to have such an enemy to make this corruption and chaos the fault of someone specific. I cannot.

      The blame lies upon the viewer and the individual who allows their own vices, greed, envy, and those pesky little imperfections that distract us from the ability to NOT be self-centered and narcissistic.

      Most people are selfish. It is our nature and a valid survival trait. The problem is that civilization requires that we be less selfish and that task is clearly beyond the vast majority today. There are shining examples of heroism. Our fellow brothers and sisters in arms come immediately to mind. But as is often said, we are but 1%. We do our part but until people stop worshiping fame fortune and realize that a pretty face does not equate to a functional brain, we are screwed.

      The pending doom I see does not come from some evil cabal who seeks to do us in and undermine all we know. No it is far more insidious and simple. The spoiled child, denied their daily sweet, destroys everything around them in a pique of rage because their self-satisfying desires cannot be instantly gratified the way that they have become accustomed to.

      The fate of human existence is in the hands of immature individuals, regardless of actual age, who will lead us gleefully to our own destruction in the name of ratings, money, and perceived power.

      Christians vs. Muslims, Rich vs. Poor, Black vs. White, on and on in the name of gamesmanship and greed without ever realizing how fragile the civilization that they are tampering with really is. The weapons of today are far more dangerous than the weapons of the past and smaller groups have access to more destructive abilities than ever before. I wish we had one enemy to fight. Because no one is willing to look in the mirror and admit that they are their own worst enemy.

      • Jeff

        July 27, 2013 at 10:42 pm

        Great article Mr Twisted! Good analysis leftoftheboom. I can safely say that both of you are right. The only thing this government demonstrates to me is ineptness and the media is a co conspirator.

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