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Ranger Up presents: Tim Kennedy


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My Plant

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My Plant


Ranger Up is having it’s fourth anniversary today. Thanks to Matty for reminding me of the last four years.

“Nice f*cking plant, Nick”, Matt Phinney let out in his thick South Boston accent.

Phinney, Jorge Rivera’s striking couch and a future MMA phenom, inadvertently just walked into story time with Nick.

“That plant has monumental significance.”

“Oh yeah? How so?”

“Matty you’re about to hear the story of the two major events that finally led me to leave corporate America and do Ranger Up fulltime.”

“Please Nick, tell me more,” he waited, with bated breath.

And so it begins…

Ranger Up started as a hobby for me. When I left the Ranger Training Brigade for Duke University, let’s just say there was a “cultural shift”. Basically, 80% of the people I was now with were spoiled rich kids with entitlement complexes. To prevent a Nick killing spree, I started volunteering to teach the ROTC cadets Army Combatives and small unit tactics. I continued to do this for a while even after graduating. At one point, the cadets started complaining about not having any cool shirts to wear that were pro-military. If you were a commie-loving, tree-hugging, socialist there were hundreds of sites, but if you were a patriotic troop or vet, all you had was skulls and “Death from Above”. My buddy and I said, “How hard can it be?” and Ranger Up was born.

It was really freaking hard. Especially because to pay bills, eat, and get drunk occasionally, I was working at a Fortune 100 company. I wore button down shirts, suits, and shiny leather shoes. I attended meetings…lots and lots of meetings. I did PowerPoint presentations. It was a good company and a good job. The kind of job that makes moms proud. The kind of job young business students want to attain. The kind of job that was going to kill me. I was living in a Dilbert cartoon. I decided Ranger Up would eventually be my only job.

I worked from 8-6 at the corporate job and from 7:30-2:00 AM on Ranger Up. On the weekends, I did Ranger Up. This was my life for two years. We started getting bigger. Tim Kennedy joined the team. Kelly Crigger’s Army Times article hit and we were three times bigger overnight. We moved out of the apartment and into a warehouse. Tommy Batboy came on board and started running the warehouse. Garrett came on fulltime. We moved to a bigger warehouse less than a year after moving into the first one.

In Corporate Land, I had gotten promoted to a kind of big job that was even more meeting-centric. My boss was a great dude with well-planned visions and strategies the senior leadership would never commit to, so he was usually frustrated, which only amplified my annoyance. He would never directly express his annoyance, however, which resulted in a passive-aggressive exchange – a language I do not speak.

My anxiety was growing too. Ranger Up needed me constantly now and every time I had to work on some presentation that I knew would be changed 1000 times and ultimately result in absolutely no action, I wanted to choke someone…so I somehow convinced HR to invest in a 40×40 foot wrestling mat and started a fight club. Yes, I beat up my coworkers on the company dime. Even that did nothing to abate my need to get control of my life.

Enter the Plant

In November, right before I headed out on a weeklong business trip, my boss gave everyone in the group poinsettias for Christmas. When I returned from my trip, I saw that my plant was almost dead. My boss had a rough meeting that morning, where they killed yet another one of his ideas. Apparently, he had come out of the meeting, seen my plant on the verge of collapse, watered it, and then complained to everyone he could see that I didn’t care about the plant and that was a poor way to treat a gift. By the end of the day, everyone in my group, four other groups, the mailroom, and even the checkout lady at the cafeteria let me know that my boss was really hurt by my lack of botanical compassion.

He, however, said nothing to me. I probed. “Anything wrong?” I asked. “Nothing,” he replied. Yet, the rumors of anger continued to grumble and the jackass in me came to the forefront. I researched poinsettias. I bought the proper plant food, watered it on the proper schedule, turned it routinely for improved sunlight. I was a poinsettia growing mother-watch-your-mouth!

Christmas came and went. My poinsettia flourished. It lost its red color. It grew awkwardly high. It was still wrapped in bright red Christmas foil.

My boss asked, “You getting rid of that thing?”

I replied, “Oh no, boss! I am never getting rid of this plant! I loooooove it! I will have it as long as I live. It is the best gift anyone has ever given me.” I returned to work as he walked off with a puzzled look on his face.

Over time, more coworkers asked about it. We were now in the summer months and my plant became even more awkward sitting on my desk.

“When you getting rid of that thing?”

“Never. This plant is my favorite thing in this entire building. When I leave this company I am leaving every possession I have here except this plant. Someday this plant will be a giant bush in front of the Ranger Up compound.”

“Really? It’s just a poinsettia, dude.”

“There are many poinsettias, but this one is mine.”

“What if I steal it? Ahahahahaha!”

“I will kill you.”

“What?”

Silence.

“See you later, Nick.”

The poinsettia became my liberty tree, but my Boston Tea Party was coming.

Over the line, dude. Mark it zero.

It was the Strategic Planning Meeting for the Division. Our Division President, every VP, director, and person of consequence was there…oh yeah, and me. Slide after slide went by. Finally, we arrived at a poorly performing product category that had been the bane of the Division’s profitability. As the appropriate VP started to brief the President let out a scowl.

“Argh! I can’t stand this thing! I don’t want to look at it! I don’t want you to look at it! I don’t even want to show it to my wife!”

“That’s what she said,” is what came out of my mouth.

I thought it was hilarious and wasn’t remotely worried that I was way over the line. One other guy chuckled but stifled it FAST. No one said anything to me and I was still nine months away from when I planned to quit, but I realized it was time to go. I just didn’t care anymore.

The next day I turned in my resignation paperwork.

On my last day, I was picked up by Tommy Batboy on the steps of the Corporate compound.

All I had with me was my plant.

Thanks to all the Ranger Up fans out there who have supported us for so long and here’s to all you entrepreneurs out there that keep this country hungry and strong.

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The Ranger Up Workout Video


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Ranger Up Video Contest

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Ranger Up Video Contest


Winners!

Serious Winner: Video 2

Funny Winner: Video 4

Serious Runner Up: Video 3

Honorable Mention: Video 1

Honorable Mention: Video 5

Winners, please write us as customerservice@rangerup.com and we’ll hook you up!

Vote in the comments section here or on our facebook page!

Video 1

Video 2

Video 3

Video 4

Video 5

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Two Martini Lunch

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Two Martini Lunch


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Ranger Up brings back the Two-Martini Lunch

Who says you have to wait until the sun sets to drink? Getting schnokered in the middle of the day was an executive privilege going back to the days of Romans, Mead, and the always entertaining Coliseum until a bunch of clumsy, tea-totaling Jodies ruined it for all of us by losing too many fingers in wayward heavy machinery accidents. Just when we thought the hell of public bra burnings and pepper spray-laced political conventions was over, America got a conscience, kicked the hard-living Rat Pack to the curb, and mumbled “I’ll never drink again” like a sorority chick on an early morning walk of shame. Overnight, getting buzzed at work was a bad thing.

Well, this is America where unnecessary indulgences are a rite of entrepreneurial passage, so Old Blue Eyes would be proud to know that Ranger Up’s World Headquarters in Raleigh/Durham is a den of gin and vermouth-laced iniquity and profanity between the hours of 1130 and 1300. Wars, laws, and trade routes have been fought over booze, so this small company has tapped into the siren song of libation to get a leg up on the competition. Gird your loins.

“There simply isn’t enough self-righteous egoism in the workplace anymore,” says Ranger Up CEO and Supreme Overlord Nick Palmisciano while killing his first slightly wet, three-olive Hendrix martini. “All these rhinestone and foil wearing, faux hawk coiffed pantyweights don’t know jack about being a revolutionary. Two fingers of your favorite poison was a lunchtime staple for our fathers, but ever since the Carter Administration, everyone’s been uptight about drinking at work…even when we were in the Army. What kind of crap is that?”

Chief Marketing Officer Garrett Schemmel, barely competent after a pair of sugar-rimmed Appletinis, describes the new tactic this way: “One martini is nothing more than an unsatisfying appetizer…like the Minnesota Vikings…and we knew three was too much when a hide-and-seek game didn’t end until we discovered Tommy six days later camping in the rafters like a caveman. Two is just right. It stimulates the creative brain cells, which in turn kill the unproductive ones. So it’s really like brain cell Darwinianism. The weak cells die off leaving the herd stronger…until nap time of course.”

So far the net effect of the two-martini lunch has been limited to a Jackson Pollack wall covered with plans of unrealized world domination, lists of esoteric nonsense like “Kama Sutra uses for peanut butter,” and a collection of crayon drawings depicting RU employees bloodily decimating the greatest MMA fighters. “It’s mostly jibberish with an occasional nugget of stupid,” says Tim Kennedy, who enjoys a vodka martini without vodka. “I don’t know how a fully automated flux capacitor will turn a profit, so I crossed it out and wrote ‘V-necks’ because that shit’s money.”

“We’re still not sure who wrote, ‘I’m a genius surrounded by small vocabularies.’ but I suspect it was our resident curmudgeon, Crigger,” says Tommy Batboy as he polishes off a Tropic-tini and eats the orange, rind and all.

Of course, combining booze and work invariably has its downside. Recently Ranger Up had to let go of their temporary worker, Danielle, because she used the term “inappropriate touching” one too many times. The company also suffered a setback when Tommy donned a Beefeater outfit and trudged the hallways with a giant axe looking for a Queen to behead in order to ‘add realism to the martini coven.’ Thankfully Nick streaking by wearing only fuzzy bunny feet gave Whitney the chance to sweep his leg and put him in a triangle choke before the company’s lawyer woke up.

“It’s not Bacchanalian orgy, at least not a good one,” says Whitney, “but replacing food with intemperance at lunch certainly helps dull the ringing dissonance of Tommy’s apoplexy and dampens Nick’s irritating capriciousness. I mean, it’s cool…as long as they don’t bring back Thighmaster Thursdays. Disturbing.”

Proudly brought to you by the Rhino News Network

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FREE Desktop Wallpaper – In God We Trust

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FREE Desktop Wallpaper – In God We Trust


We recently asked you guys what you would like to see as Ranger Up freebies and we heard you loud and clear.

Our first is a design based on our new In God We Trust Shirt. Just click on the image below and download a desktop wallpaper in 1024×768 dimensions.

Click here to see the new In God We Trust shirt on RangerUp.com>>

wallpaper-god-we-trust

We’re planning the next handful of wallpapers and we want to make sure to give you guys the designs you really want.

Let us know which of the following shirt designs you would like to see on desktop wallpaper!

[poll id="10"]

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NEW Shirt: Soldiers’ Angels

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NEW Shirt: Soldiers’ Angels


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Ranger Up is proud to announce the New Soldiers’ Angels shirt.


After getting to know the Soldiers’ Angels folks a bit better during a recent Walter Reed visit, they approached us with the challenge of creating a new, edgy shirt for the Soldiers’ Angels men out there.

Working closely with SA, we designed a shirt that captures the fighting soldier surrounded by a tough, ready-to-do-anything angel. The style and feel is truly Ranger Up and we hope you guys love the shirt as much as we do.

$5 from every shirt goes directly to Soldiers’ Angels to support our troops around the world. Show your support and get one now!

Check out the NEW Soldiers’ Angels Shirt by Ranger Up>>


See what Soldiers’ Angels has to say about their newest shirt>>

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Ranger Up Photo Wall

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Ranger Up Photo Wall


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Introducing the Ranger Up Photo Wall.

Have a ridiculous picture of yourself in Ranger Up gear that you think we (and the world) need to see? Send it to us. We’ll post it here for everyone to see .

Of course, we’ll also accept serious, insane, or just plain proud pictures of you in Ranger Up shirts, that’ll work, too. Send it your image to us in an email with the following:

Name
Email Address
Your Photo(s) – no larger than 200k in .gif or .jpg, please
A quick description of what you were doing in the photo.

Email the above to customerservice@rangerup.com 

The Ranger Up Photo Wall:

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About Grin & Barrett


Skirting the fine line between amusing and annoying, Barrett’s epiphany came about a year ago as he realized, much to his horror AND delight, that his Battalion Commander actually thought his name was “Get in here, Smart Ass!” This gave birth to the realization that he was quite good at amusing the majority of the room, while subsequently pissing off the other (usually senior officer) members of the room. Aided by his passion for Mixed Martial Arts, his love of patriots, and Glinda the Good Witch, he clicked his heels together and repeated “There’s no place like Ranger Up…There’s no place like Ranger Up…There’s no place like..”

Barrett spent the first seven years of his military career as a Sailor, then he made the masochistic move to the Army, where he heard every Sailor joke ever told by a Soldier.

“What’s long and full of seaman?”

“Why do Sailors where their name on the back of their pants?”

Barrett has spent the last four years assigned to a Military Police Battalion, and he plans on riding this horse all the way to the 20 mile marker, maybe beyond.

In his free time, he likes practicing with his Nunchaks and mastering the Dim Mak. He has a katana set in his house, just in case a Ninja ever attacks because, well, you never know.

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Protected: Militia Members ONLY

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Protected: Militia Members ONLY


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The State of the Ranger Up Union, Year 2

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The State of the Ranger Up Union, Year 2


stateunion2Ranger Up has been online for two years now and we cannot believe how fast the time has gone! As we were sitting around talking about it the other night, it occurred to me that we hadn’t really taken the time to let you – our loyal customers and supporters – know how things are going and what our plans are for the future.

For us, this really isn’t a job. That probably sounds a bit cliché, but we really want everyone out there to know that we love doing this. We absolutely love it.

Yes, we are a business. Yes, businesses make money. We’ll never be embarrassed by that fact. But money isn’t even close to our primary motivation for doing Ranger Up.

Why we started and who we are:

We joke around a lot at Ranger Up about a great many things – one thing in particular is about how we started this company. Since the site began in September of 2006, we have had the “hot tub” story posted. This story is absolutely true. What we left out, however; was the backdrop to this – and that is that we wanted to celebrate the military in our own way – in a manner that was truly genuine.

I’m about to tell you a bit about a few of the key guys behind Ranger Up. I’m going to give you a bunch of information – and I mean a lot. For most of you this will be entirely too much information, and if so, please skip to the subtitle “Our Vision”, but we’ve received enough email asking about who the heck we are that I’ve included it, so here goes:

Nick

When we came up with the idea for this company, I had recently left the Ranger Training Brigade after serving as an infantryman for my entire adult life. I am the oldest son of an Italian immigrant who came to the states when he was eight years old. He was naturalized and volunteered for Vietnam. Though he was Air Force, through an assortment of odd events that could only happen during that war, he ended up serving with the Special Forces. I don’t know all of what he did – only that he is well regarded by the men he served with – the things I’ve pieced together about his service come from funny stories he tells that have nothing to do with conflict or the occasional tidbit that I learn when he has had one too many glasses of red wine (a rare occasion in sharp contrast to my affinity for spirits). Upon leaving the military, he served as a civilian government officer in the Navy for thirty years. My earliest memories are of the Naval Base in Naples, Italy.

When I was fifteen years old, I decided I wanted to serve in the military myself – specifically in the Army. Despite having been an NCO, my dad turned me towards West Point, which gave me the best and worst four years of my life. I graduated and became an infantry officer. I was a standard-issue infantryman – there is nothing special about me. I am not remotely a hero like our fighters Tim Kennedy and Brian Stann, nor will I ever claim to be. I simply loved my guys and did the best I could to be a good leader to them. I make no claim to success – you would have to ask them.

I left the Army because I met the right girl (one who could tolerate me and my never-ending string of antics) and didn’t want to be a Major (nothing wrong with Majors, of course, I just didn’t want to be one). Having no idea what I wanted to do outside the military, I was fortunate enough to be accepted into what some would consider a prestigious graduate school. This was the first time in my life that I had ever truly been away from the military community. It instantly occurred to me that the civilian world, and certainly the elitist world that I was now visiting, was a vastly different place.

I was treated as a bit of a sideshow – not out of hostility, but ignorance – I was the military guy. I was hit with every stereotype possible – one of my main hobbies, mixed martial arts – did nothing to help me in this regard. Routinely people would make reference to me killing people, even though this is something they had no knowledge of and something I would never speak with them about anyway. Many assumed that military life was simple – that any idiot could do it. Candidly, they didn’t understand the complexity of leading men in dangerous situations. To them we were just robots who followed orders – their experience in advertising, finance, and the like was clearly infinitely more complex.

As many of you who have read any of our stories knows, I have kind of a big personality. My theory was that as people would get to know me, their stereotypes about the military would change. On the contrary, as they realized I was not an automaton droid, they just assumed that I was an anomaly and just didn’t fit into the military mold.

While I liked my new friends, and truly value several friendships from that experience, the majority of the people I encountered were much more “gray” than my brothers and sisters in arms. I missed the days of taking someone’s word at face value, and of assessing a man based on his actions – his ability to deliver and contribute to the team – and not by his connections, oratory skills, race, religion, etc. I also was constantly aggravated by the fact that a majority of the people I encountered were emphatically certain that they knew the situation on the ground in Iraq and Afghanistan better than I did, despite my continual lifeline to those places from my brothers at arms.

In no way am I making a generalization about civilians. In fact, I cannot count the number of times that generous men and women have thanked me for my service, and at the heart of it, what make the U.S. special is that we are citizen-soldiers, and not lifetime military. But it was made plain to me that there is a growing segment of the population that has no connection to the military and thus forms conclusions based on little or no evidence. Their stereotypes and condescending behavior added up to a growing level of frustration for me.

In an effort to alleviate some of my aggravation, I volunteered to help the local ROTC, teaching Army, Marine, Navy and Air Force cadets and midshipmen the Army Combatives System and discussing small unit tactics in an effort to get them ready for their future as leaders in the War on Terror.

In my conversations with these students, I realized that while they were not ostracized for their service as they would have been in the 60s, they were questioned as to why they would waste their “talents” on the military. Again, aggravation set in.

I had now firmly developed a chip on my shoulder.

I shared my frustrations with my brothers in arms from my recently previous life – spanning the regular army and special operations communities – and arrived at the conclusion that I was going to do something for the guys – I just wasn’t sure what yet. But we definitely needed a place to call our own, and I was going to build it.

Brad

Brad is an anomaly in every sense of the word. You either love Brad or you want to kill him. Oftentimes you love Brad and want to kill him.

Universally, the guys at Ranger Up know that if Ranger Up ever makes the national news media for something horrific, it will probably be because of something Brad says or does. He has no filter. That’s why we keep him in a box.

Everyone has a friend that they joke about being absurd. Brad is that guy for us. To put it in perspective, after he was acting like “himself” to his girlfriend one day, she kicked several holes through his apartment walls. The average guy in this situation chooses one of two courses of action – either 1) Breaks up with the girl or 2) realizes he really messed up and apologizes. Brad assessed the damage, asked for payment, as well as a deposit for future damages to be returned if they break up and she has not caused more damage.

Regardless of his Bradness, he loves soldiers, can drink his weight in alcohol, and does a great job running our operations from the box we keep him in. We couldn’t do it without him.

I met Brad in the gym one day when I was wearing an old Army PT shirt. He and his friend Dennis were heading up the ROTC group at the university and wondered if I had served. We did the traditional badge, tab, unit, etc. exchange and combatives came up. They asked me if there was someone I knew that could teach some of their guys. As luck would have it, I am a big Army Combatives guy. I’m not a ninja like Tim Kennedy by any stretch of the imagination, but I have done Judo, wrestling, jiu-jitsu, boxing, and Army Combatives pretty much since I was eleven years old, so I don’t suck either. I volunteered.

As I got to know the crew, I noticed Brad always had on some form of humorous shirt that was either extremely funny or horribly inappropriate. I laughed almost every time. Come to find out, he made these shirts himself. I mentioned that I wished there were military shirts with some humor to them and he answered that if I designed a couple, he’d make them for me.

I think you can see where this is going.

Brad is still an Army Infantryman and is heading out for a “trip” shortly, so we will limit any additional information about him at this time, but needless to say, while sitting in the magical hot tub that night surrounded by nurses, Brad and I decided to launch a pro-military website that would sell apparel. Now we needed to fill in the details.

Garrett

Garrett, or G$ as we call him is our lone non-veteran. G$ is a patriotic civilian whose father served as an Army Sniper and whose grandfather served as a German artilleryman.

Brad met Garrett in Atlanta as he was leaving Fort Benning one weekend and visiting a friend. Garrett had drawn something on a napkin and apparently Brad thought he did it really well. Brad asked him if he could design shirts. He could.

Next thing you know he had knocked out our first 15 shirts and Garrett was the newest member of the Ranger Up team. It takes a special guy to work with us, because we really are pains in the ass, and Garrett has been instrumental in making Ranger Up successful. He expanded his duties (pretty much on his own – Sua Sponte!) and now runs Ranger Up’s marketing and advertising as well.

Garrett would also like everyone to know he is the biggest Georgia Tech fan in the world.

So we launched the website on 8 September 2006 and sat back and waited for all the shirts to sell – after all we had emailed everyone we knew – it would go military-wide overnight!

And we waited.

And waited.

Apparently, the internet is kind of big and stuff. We needed to get the shirts in front of people at bases and posts, and for that we needed a sales guy.

Dave

Dave and I have known each other for about 15 years. Together we did West Point, the infantry basic course, Ranger School, we served in the same first unit together, deployed together, drank together – you get the picture. When he dropped me a line in November of 2006, Dave was a Special Forces Team leader and a member of a 7th Group Dive Team. He had made the decision to leave the military to attend school and wanted to help out with Ranger Up.

He became our sales guy and suddenly Ranger Up was at Fort Benning, Fort Bragg, Fort Jackson, Camp Lejeune, and Norfolk Naval Base. We were officially on the map!

Dave gave us a solid fifteen months of his life working his ass off in sales, and decided to move on to, in this case, less green pastures (sorry – I am puntastic today). Although Dave no longer works with us day-to-day, he still spends a lot of time helping with shirt design and promotion. Not unlike the mafia, we really don’t ever let people leave.

We obviously needed to replace Dave as he had been such a valuable member of our team, but before that, I want to talk about one of Dave’s biggest accomplishments – finding Tim Kennedy.

SSG Tim Kennedy

We met Tim Kennedy when we were running Operation GRIM, an effort to raise awareness and money for the Wounded Warrior Project. Dave had contacted TEAM ROC looking for a fighter for a photo shoot and we were referred to Tim Kennedy.

Those of you that know mixed martial arts know who Tim Kennedy is. Those of you that don’t are about to be impressed. The short version is that Tim was ranked 9th in the world when he joined the Army in 2001. A college graduate, he joined after September 11th and elected to try to qualify as a member of the Army Special Forces.

To say he was successful in that capacity is a gross understatement. Tim is one of the most elite soldiers in the U.S. Army and has been awarded the bronze star for valor. Special Operations soldiers train nonstop, and Tim’s commitment was steadfast. While the calls kept coming for fights, Tim accepted them only when they did not interfere with his Army training. While Tim hates to be called a part-time fighter, he does not remotely get the same amount of time that most fighters receive for martial arts training and still has amassed a 9-2 record in mixed martial arts against some of the toughest fighters in the sport.

More importantly, Tim is a phenomenal human being. It took only one day of interacting with him to know that he was the kind of guy you trusted emphatically. Where one would expect He-man-like arrogance, we found a mild-mannered, respectful, funny guy who we couldn’t help but like. His wife is even cooler (sorry Tim).

We asked him to join the team and head up the new Ranger Up MMA apparel line when his twin roles as Professional Fighter and Professional Soldier didn’t get in the way.

Tim is the face (and mind) of Ranger Up’s MMA program, and we wouldn’t have it any other way. There is no fighter that better represents all that is good about the Armed Forces than Tim, and we’re honored that he’s chosen to be a part of our team.

If Tim is reading this, he is probably tired of reading about himself, which brings us full circle to Dave’s departure. We needed a new sales guy, and we needed one now. As luck would have it, the winner of our first writing contest had done a great job for about 3 months and was looking for more responsibility…

Tom

I’m letting Tom write his own bio, because well…his ego requires it. Tom is a louder, shorter, and somewhat uglier version of me, so we of course find each other very amusing.

Few things might signify the company’s growth and change like me being an everyday part of Ranger Up. I didn’t get to sit in the hot tub with hot nurses and come up with the initial vision of the company; and your average 2nd grader has more artistic talent than I do. I’m the new guy.

I’m the first child in two generations to serve in the military. My grandfathers and great uncles served, but no one in my father’s generation, and it is unlikely anyone else of my generation will. I’m also the oldest of four kids and like Nick my last name is distinctly Italian. Growing up, my father would work 14 or 15-hour workdays as a heavy equipment operator to make sure that my family had enough. My mom worked just as hard to raise the four of us the right way and go to school at night. Of all the things I learned from my parents their work ethic is what I’m the most thankful for.

As long as I can remember I had wanted to be a solider. As a little kid growing up in Chicagoland I would run around the yard with a stick as a rifle and a cardboard box as my binos. By the time high school rolled around I knew I wanted to be an Army Ranger. I wanted to be one so badly that the first time I walked into my recruiter’s office at 17 I sat down, looked him in the eyes, and said, “I’m Tom and I want an Airborne, infantry, R.I.P. (ranger indoctrination program) contract.” My parents and family begged me to go to college. I wanted no part of that. I wanted to set my own terms, so on my 18th birthday, barely 8 hours into my adult life I enlisted with that R.I.P. contract.

In five years on active duty I spent all my time with the 75th Ranger Regiment. In 2002 I deployed to Afghanistan with 2nd Ranger Battalion. Like Nick I wasn’t a hero. I was just one of the 1,000s of vets who went overseas, did their job and were lucky enough to come back home. After hurting my shoulder on a training operation badly enough that I would need surgery on it I was sent to Regimental Headquarters, who I deployed back to Afghanistan with in 2004.

I got home from that second tour of duty in mid-June of 2004. August 11th, 2004 I was off active duty, August 26th I was sitting in an 8am microeconomics class. I suffered through my first year of college, hating every minute of it. In that first semester I got kicked out of class (before it even started) because I asked my Professor, who had her PhD in women’s studies from Berkeley, how she was doing. I only wish I was making that up.

Later that first year I got into a drawn out shouting match during a lecture with 300+ students in attendance with my teacher, who has his PhD specializing in the French military during the reign of Louis the 14th (again I couldn’t make this up if I wanted to), during a class entitled “War and Society 1815-Present” about current urban warfare tactics after he told me that I “had a very narrow view” of what was going on in Afghanistan and Iraq and that I “wasn’t as knowledgeable as [I] think [I am]” about how an urban op works. And that was just my first year.

My junior year a Muay Thai and MMA gym opened up near campus and I had a new outlet to vent my frustration and annoyance. I had always loved combatives in the Rangers and had been watching the UFC shows at a local bar thoughout college, but now I was hooked on the sport. This love of MMA led me to becoming friends with Matt Cava at fiveouncesofpain.com. After a suggestion from Matt, I sent Nick the Jessie Ventura story. You-the fans-voted, and I was part of the Ranger Up team.

I honestly couldn’t tell you when the moment was, but one day I’m writing Hero of the Week stories, and the next I’m helping out with shirt designs. Soon after that I’m doing sales and marketing; talking on the phone with business owners and MMA agents and all the while coming up with new ways to spread the Ranger Up gospel.

Ok, I am taking over again.

So now that brings us pretty much to where we are today. Tom is running full bore, and the team keeps growing. There is one other guy I want to mention in this message and that is Joe.

Joe

Joe is currently a MSG on a civil affairs team, and once was a long-time member of 2/75. He has been our biggest fan since day one and has become our PR guy. Joe has an unbelievable spirit and was cheering us on in the early days when the only people that knew about us were our friends, our moms, and Joe.

He also quite possibly may know every human being in the world. I’ve never been in a room with him where he hadn’t met every single human being there at least five times previously. This may be because he is also the biggest 5’9 guy I have ever seen in my life. If you want to get in shape or just feel bad about yourself, meet Joe.

One of the worst days in Ranger Up history was the day we found out Joe hit an IED. While Joe ultimately recovered with shrapnel in his arm and face, he lost two members of his team. Two days later he was back on patrol. Joe is the story you never hear about in the mainstream media and his strength makes us proud to have him as part of the Ranger up team and more proud to have worn the same uniform he does.

Ok, that does not even scratch the surface of the folks involved, and we’d be remiss if we didn’t thank Ron, a signalman going through OCS who helps us with operations or our hot intern Jenn and all the ROTC guys that have spent time folding shirts and affixing labels, but this is already really, really long.

Our Vision

Ranger Up’s Mission:

Provide the military, police, fire, and patriots with the best apparel and content anywhere in the world in order to support the troops in every way we can, both before and after their service, and ultimately dominate the globe.

Essential Tasks:

1) Support the troops and our first responders, and promote our heroes.

2) Never stop listening to you, the Ranger Up faithful.

3) Never compromise our values.

4) Never back down in the face of anti-troop attacks.

5) Call attention to those that would aim to hurt our Armed Forces.

6) Support our fighters, both overseas and in the ring.

7) Donate more money to those who have given this nation so much already.

8) Add more writers.

9) Take more pictures of hot chicks.

10) Declare war on the moon. Seriously. We’re sick of it smirking at us every night when we look up. Is it waning or waxing? We’re not sure, but we do know it isn’t made out of cheese, and that bothers us.

How are we going to do it?

1) We have a new website coming at the end of the month. Our first website is great, but we outsourced the design. G$ did this one with tender loving care, and you’ll see the difference. You’ll now have an even better space to get all the funny stories, kick ass shirts, and destruction of hippies than ever before. Our goal is a 1 October launch.

2) We have a goal of one retailer selling Ranger Up per base around the world. We want you to be able to walk down the street and buy an RU shirt. We want to be where you are. This is Tom’s mission in life, and it is not an easy one. You have no idea how hard it is to get a retailer to try our stuff. They always ask why we don’t have skulls on our shirts.

3) Get the word out. Because it is so hard to convince retailers to try us, we need to go directly to the source. In a few weeks we will be asking for conscription of our biggest fans into the Ranger Up Militia. If you think you’re interested without even hearing about what it entails, write us at militia@rangerup.com. We believe we have the greatest fans in the world, and we are going to need your help.

4) Expand our line. You’re about to see Ranger Up add more products for the first time ever and add a lot more shirts. We’re doing it because you asked us to, and we value your comments.

5) Bring some Marines, Airmen, Sailors, Coastguardsmen, Cops, and Firemen on board the design and writing team. We know you are out there buying our stuff and reading our stories – help us out! We want to design shirts for everyone who serves in uniform and we want to be 100% certain that if it says “Ranger Up” on the shirt, you are going to be proud wear it.

At this point, you may be saying, “Ok, all of that is great, but what does that mean to me and why should I care?”

At the end of the day, when we picture success, it is being big enough that when you step off the airplane after 18 months in the sandbox, we’re there with wine, women, and song greeting you. We envision starting an endowment to increase opportunities for wounded soldiers. We want to be a loud voice calling for proper treatment of our national heroes. And yeah, we want to piss off a lot of hippies. In our perfect world we aren’t a clothing line or just guys who make t-shirts. We are an organization that helps our armed forces, police, fireman, and first responders by making sure they are never taken for granted – that warriors and defenders are given the respect they deserve.

We know this is a lofty task and we know it won’t be easy, but we also know that we’re a bunch of fired up soldiers with a mission and whole lot of energy, and we will not quit until we’ve achieved it.

We’re going to get there.

These have been the most fun two years of our lives, and they are because of your support. We can’t wait to see what happens in the next two.

Thank you from the bottom of our hearts.

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Ranger Up Promo Video


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Ranger Up Fitness – List of Workouts

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Ranger Up Fitness – List of Workouts


fitnessRanger Up Presents:

ALEX VIADA, Ranger Up Fitness Writer

Alex doesn’t really write this anymore, because of time constraints and the fact that he doesn’t think fitness is very complicated and he’s pretty much laid out most of it, but we think these are awesome, so we kee them here. He still answers questions atAlex@RangerUp.com

Also – the archives are located at the bottom of the page!.

When I first met Alex at the gym my first instinct was to hate him…because you know, he is stronger than I am…and he is an arrogant, sarcastic asshole. But then I was reminded that I am also an arrogant, sarcastic asshole, so I gave him the benefit of the doubt.

After getting to know him over the past few years, I still think he’s a giant asshole, but I am always impressed by how much he knows about training. This guy is the real deal and trains harder than anyone I know – better still, he’s all about performance. For those reasons, I thought his input would be an awesome addition to Ranger Up. I’m going to tell you a bit about him and hopefully you’ll feel the same:

I’m going to leave out his zodiac sign and favorite color, but I will share the stuff that I think matters and should impress you hardcore guys and shock you beginners out there. Alex is a black belt in Judo and Karate with a strong Muay Thai and wrestling background. He benches 455, squats 635, and deadlifts an absurd 720 freakin’ pounds at a bodyweight of about 225, while still maintaining the ability to run a sub five-minute mile. He has a degree in biology from one of those elite universities we all love to hate, is a former EMT, and has been a certified personal trainer for over four years. I have see him train everyone from semi-pro, high-performance athletes and power lifters to obese first-timers and pregnant women, all with great success. Finally, he is a featured moderator of many online workout forums.

How’d we get him here when he already has so much going on? Two reasons:

1) He loves working with military people because they generally don’t quit or complain about workouts.

2) We told him he could say whatever he wanted. Ranger Up fans don’t need anything sugar-coated.

So anyway, here’s his column. Hope you enjoy it.

Columns by Date:

  1. Getting Started>>
  2. Going from Big Guy to Lean Guy>>
  3. Supplement Guide>>
  4. Training with an Injury>>
  5. Staying Motivated>>
  6. Complete Nutrition Guide>>
  7. Crossfit>>
  8. Common Workout Questions>>


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How’d You Come Up with the Name Ranger Up?

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How’d You Come Up with the Name Ranger Up?


rangerupUpon returning to Fort Benning after his LT days for some additional infantry training, Nick was partying with a great group of guys that he hadn’t seen in years. One of these fine, upstanding gentlemen, who we will refer to as DannyBoy, had just returned from his first deployment to Douchebagistan, so he wasn’t one to allow anyone to besmirch the word “Ranger.”

At roughly 2300, DannyBoy decided he was going home, despite the fact that the party was nowhere close to over. He announced his intent, and as the quick silence fell over the group of friends, Nick told him to “Ranger Up.” He, of course, was left with no choice but to stay. He said we could never use that phrase again. We proceeded to use it every time he tried to bail early. We still use it today.

Note: Prior to my DannyBoy revelation, we considered calling ourselves For Army Guys By Army Guys, but decided against it because we really wanted to make shirts for the whole military, and when we replaced all the “Army” with “Military” we got FMGBMG, and that didn’t sound nearly as cool…

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