Ranger Up would like to introduce Michelle as Ranger Up’s Miss Army 2009!

Here’s an introduction of Michelle:

My name’s Michelle and I want to be the next Ranger Up Girl because I want to show my support and appreciation for our amazing troops who sacrifice so much in order to protect and serve our country.  Of all the companies that are supporting our troops, you guys caught my eye because you’re professional but you obviously know how to have fun.  I’m a nurse who’s waiting at home for her husband who’s on his second tour of duty and I want to be a reminder to him and his fellow soldiers that we love you, support you, and we’re waiting for you back home!

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Make sure to visit Rangerup.com for the best military-inspired T’s anywhere>>

I met a lot of pretty awesome people in Koln, Germany at UFC 99. Among them is Suzy, the lovely young British lady in this picture. Suzy is good friends with Cole Miller, who I had spent the previous night drinking with until 6:30 in the morning before we dined on a nutritious late night meal of Doner Kabob which I bought to console him after Cole’s ATM card was eaten by the Geldautomat.

Actually, none of that matters. The point of this post is Suzy and our never-ending quest for Ranger Up girls. While we just had an awesome Ranger Up girl contest and had five awesome ladies join the team, it occurred to me that we have no British representation, and as Uncle Argyle told Mel Gibson in Braveheart, “That’s somethin’ we’ll have ta remedeee”.

Anyway, when I asked her if she wanted me to post her picture on the website, she told me no one would want her picture up there. At first I thought she was just fishing for compliments, but then realized she genuinely didn’t think you clowns would want her pictured here. Good lord, we just found a beautiful girl who doesn’t have an ego about it. One point.

Next, my buddy Reed, who actually has the term “Decision Scientist” on his business card (I know, I know) made some terrible physics joke. Not only did she laugh, but she trumped his science joke with a better one. We realized she was much smarter than we are. Two points.

Finally, I asked her how she met Cole. She replied that she was a fighter. (Inner monologue: Are you freakin’ kidding me? This girl is pretty, smart, and a bad ass?) Three points. Game. Set. Match.

This would have been a good time for me to say something cool, that would, you know, help in my quest to get her to be the British Ranger Up girl, but instead, in my shocked-I-cannot-believe-she-just-said-she-was-a-fighter-and-by-the-way-I-am-drunk alternate reality, I said, “But you don’t have fighter face.”

She should have kicked me in the balls, walked away, or submitted me embarrasingly in front of Cole while I screamed in pain, but instead she just said, “Thanks” and proceeded to make fun of me. This was essentially the equivalent of tearing the guy’s spine out at the end of the game Mortal Combat. She had already won – now she was just showing off.

If that’s not Ranger Up material, I am not sure what is.

If you agree with me, and believe we need some British representation, please leave Suzy a comment!

(And while you’re at it, tell Cole he is the man…)

Photos of the Girls of Ranger Up

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Who are the Ranger Up Girls and how did YOU GUYS get them?

There is no question that this is our most frequently asked question. It has even become one of the more popular questions on many great military blogs. So here’s how it all got started:

Never Trust Girls Under the Age of 25

We had the models lined up for our first photo shoot well in advance. Many girls told us they were going to be there, and we focused on other details, like for example, building an entire bedroom in a studio, props, planning, etc. We thought we had everything locked up tight – I mean, you know, everyone said they were going to be there, so why wouldn’t they come?

Here’s why – they have no sense of responsibility. 12 hours before the shoot we basically had every girl but Kelly Bruno, who is now our first sponsored athlete, dream up some lame excuse why they couldn’t come, including “I’ve had a real hectic week”. Because they weren’t guys who we could just taunt or beat the living shit out of for failing us so miserably (Note: We don’t condone violence – this is just, you know, a term we use), we had to focus on solving the problem…so we did what any other newly minted business owner would do – we hammered back a few shots and went to some local pubs looking for talent. Our criteria were as follows:

1) Too hot to rightfully want to go out with any of us. 2) Extremely cool. 3) Pro-Military.

No Mission too Large for the Guys at Ranger Up

In two hours we met and drafted Caroline, Angela, Jenn, and Grace, all of whom did an absolutely phenomenal job.

This is the part where we could pretend to be “pimps” but that isn’t us. We just happen to be pretty fearless. Our line was seriously this lame:

“Hi, my name is Choose One: (Nick, Brad, Adam, Brian). There’s no way that I can ask what I am about to ask without this sounding like a pick-up line, but here goes: We are starting up a military apparel company and we have a photo shoot tomorrow. We had a few girls bail out at the last minute, and we need a few more people. We think you’d be absolutely perfect for our shoot. Would you be interested?”

After our “strong” opener (I know what you’re thinking – how is that pickup line not listed in the greatest of all time right next to “F*ck me if I’m wrong, but is your name Gretchen?”), you can imagine the type of responses we received:

“Are you guys for real?”

“This sounds shady.”

“I don’t know…I mean, I don’t even know you.”

Apparently, we all have a certain propensity for BS, because as I was blathering on about trusting me because of the inherent code of honor associated with the Ranger Creed (I even recited it for one girl who doubted the veracity of our identities. I’m so ashamed – I expect to take some shit over this one), I remember thinking “This is actually working.”

And work it did. Adam came through. Brian (my hero) convinced one girl to come to the shoot from his very distant location in FLORIDA, and Brad and I came up with the other two.

7 Hours Later

When you are at a photo shoot that you have a lot of money invested in, a photographer standing by, and a ton of props that you have carted to a distant location with your buddy’s truck, you don’t like to be waiting at 7:30 AM for girls to show up – especially when you met them at 1:00 AM the “night” before in a bar and they have no reason to trust you at all.

But, sure enough, the first two girls show up! Angela and Caroline were a little freaked out when they arrived because we were shooting in an industrial part of town and they had only arrived in NC the night before (Welcome!), so I invited them into the studio to meet the photographer Greg, who is a great guy, extremely professional, and an Air Force vet. This meeting should have done wonders for trust-building, but instead, the girls walked in to see the following:

1) The makeup artist was oiling up a shirtless Alex for the picture as he was sitting on the edge of the bed. 2) Kelly was pulling her shirt over her head (wearing a sports bra) but for a millisecond it appeared she was getting nekkid. (Nekkid = Naked, but with “bad” intentions).

The girls turned white, as I rushed to assure them that this was not going to be porn. Somehow they believed me, and the rest is history.

The New Girls

We just completed our second photo shoot and we’d also like to introduce you to Lindsay, Rebecca, Nikki, and Jenny. They are gorgeous and a lot of fun to work with. We hope that we’ve maintained our high standard of recruiting women that are WAY out of our league to take their clothes off for you.

A Profile in Hot: Grace
 

Born: 2 December 1984

College: North Carolina State

Vital Stats: 34 – 24 – 36

Hobbies: Competitive Equestrian (We think this means horse riding)

We at Ranger Up had the opportunity to sit down with Grace for perhaps the most hard-hitting 20ish Questions the world has ever seen.

RU: Hi Grace.

Grace: Hey guys!

RU: Let’s start with the obvious – why in God’s green earth do you hang out with us?

Grace: Cuz I love you guys!

RU: We love you too…

(awkward silence)

RU: Ummm…seriously…how did you end up hanging out with us?

Grace: My friend and I were at a bar partying and my friend saw a guy (Adam) looking at us and thought he was cute. He walked over and after joking around with us for a while, asked me if I wanted to model tomorrow at 9AM. I decided to go. I actually thought it was a joke.

RU: Do you often meet strange men in industrial parts of town for sexually edgy photographs?

Grace: Only on Sundays.

RU: Has anybody ever told you that you’re exceedingly hot?

Grace: I don’t think anyone ever used the word “exceedingly”, but yes, guys hit on me sometimes.

RU: Can they do this? (Two members of RU proceed to knock out the “Molly Ringwald dance” from Pretty in Pink)

Grace: Yes.

RU: Really?

Grace: Yes.

RU: In all seriousness, you have a lot of fans throughout the military – especially from the guys at BMF5 (BlackFive) and Rantburg – how does that make you feel?

Grace: The fact that American troops like to look at my pictures is the biggest complement that I have ever received. I am just a girl going to school – you know? These guys are out there going through stuff that I can’t imagine; all so that people like me can enjoy our freedom. I’m just happy I can help a little.

RU: That rocks. Give it to us straight. Why aren’t you dating any of us?

Grace: Other than the fact that you’re sophomoric, drunken idiots that amuse yourselves with a series of inside jokes that are made up of a combination of military jargon, experiences only you guys know about, and quotes from Team America: World Police, The Ladies Man, Wedding Crashers, and random Christopher Walken quotes?

RU: You say it like it’s a bad thing…

(RU proceeds to do a bunch of inside jokes involving Team America: World Police, The Ladies Man, and random Christopher Walken quotes. We purposefully leave out Wedding Crashers to show our flexibility with the spoken word and acerbic wit.)

RU: What’s the worst pickup line you’ve ever heard?

Grace: Are you from Tennessee, because you’re the only ten I see.

RU: That’s awful.

Grace: It was you guys.

RU: Really?

Grace: No, but I figured you guys wouldn’t have any idea what you’ve said to me in the past.

RU: Touché. What’s the worst thing that’s ever happened to you?

Grace: I had a massive stalker. He was a neighbor of mine. I barely knew him, but apparently he took a liking to me. I came home one day and there he was holding a bunch of my clothes. He freaked out and ran at me, knocking me down.

RU: That’s poor stalking technique on his part.

Grace: What?

RU: Nevermind. So you ride horses?

Grace: Yup! I have been showing since I was 3!

RU: Do you wear those riding pants?

Grace: Yeah, why?

RU: No reason…what’s your favorite drink?

Grace: The Mojito!

RU: Do you just drink them because of the movie Miami Vice?

Grace: Of course not.

RU: Uhhh…that’s not why we drink them either. So, what do you look for in a guy?

Grace: I want a guy who is funny, nice, sweet, and respectful.

RU: Does the ability to hit a man-sized target at 1000 meters in high wind play into it?

Grace: I have no idea what you’re talking about.

RU: Probably for the best. Tell us about your worst date ever.

Grace: 

I don’t think I’ve ever had a bad date.

RU: If you ever need anyone to solve that problem, we know a couple of guys…