• Nick from Ranger Up >>
• The Westboro Baptist Church >>
• The Youth Baseball League of New Haven >>
• 218 Members of Congress >>
• Me, Mike the Contractor >>
• John Kerry >>
• Matt Drudge >>
• The Berkeley City Council >>
• Dennis Kucinich >>
• The Wall Defacers >>
• The San Francisco School Board >>

Washington D.C., June 7th 2008. It’s a black tie affair. I am wearing a yellow tie. I look around at the vast expanse that is the building rented for this occasion, and think to myself, “Self, this is one of the nicest weddings I have ever been to. I’d better be on my best behavior.”

So I walked over to the bar.

My good friends Reed and Karin, the marryees on this festive occasion, had done a phenomenal job planning this event and each bar was outfitted with their favorite drinks throughout their three year relationship. The bartender recommended a little concoction called “Virginia is for Lovers”. It had gin, pomegranate juice, and some other fruity stuff that I normally wouldn’t order, but hey, one girly drink wouldn’t hurt.

At this point, it is probably important to mention that I was standing next to a former West Point football player from the Class of 95 whom I had just met on the shuttle ride from the hotel over to the reception, along with two friends I hadn’t seen in a while that not unlike me, are total assclowns. Respectively, we’ll call them Skullcrusher, Tomfoolery, and Hijinks. The shuttle ride was one hour and Reed and Karin, great hosts that they are, outfitted the shuttle with several coolers of Sports Beverages, known to the layman as Bud Light. Even though we had never met each other, the classic military posturing began, and in short order, Skullcrusher, Tomfoolery, Hijinks and I had emptied the coolers. There may or may not have been a shotgunning involved…

Come to find out, girly drink or no, Virginia is for Lovers is a delicious beverage. We got another round.

The part my friend Amy from Just Barely thinks I should have cut…

The line was long, which was somewhat aggravating; so when we arrived at the front of the line, I handed the bartender a $20 tip, despite there being no tip jar. He handed us four pilsner glasses in place of the mini-martini glasses and filled each giant glass with Virginia is for Lovers. Now we were getting somewhere.

Tomfoolery decided to go all Ashton Kutcher Commercial out on us, and started stealing digital cameras from the tables and taking pictures of people’s butts and groins – thankfully still wearing clothes (for once).

Unfortunately, in one scenario the folks returned to their table and he saw no way to return it. I Rangered Up and grabbed the camera, bent down behind the table for a moment, then stood and asked “Does this belong to anyone?”

They were happy. I was a hero.

We were now in with the bartender and Virginia is for Lovers flowed like wine…or water…or like Virginia is for Lovers. They all have basically the same viscosity, so just pick your simile.

Aside, aside (heh, heh) – we’re drunk.

The Dance Floor Opens Up

I’m not a dancer. You will never see me on “So you think you can dance?” I cannot. That being said, I did spend 3.5 years of my life living in Germany with some of the craziest dudes you will ever meet, and we actually created some “routines” over there to 1) impress the Fraulines and more importantly 2) amuse ourselves. As such, I have a bit of a penchant for break dancing.

But I’m older now…more mature…not a twenty-something wet-behind-the-ears infantryman anymore. I was going to hold back…until…

Michael Jackson’s Thriller came on.

I knew then what man has known, ever since the sands of time have sifted through the hour glass…or at least since 1983…Not unlike the Rhythm, The Thriller is gonna get ya…

Every fiber of my being said, “It’s GO TIME.” But still, I held back…a voice inside of me said, “Maybe this isn’t the time to show everyone what you’re made of…maybe, and I’m going out on a limb here, just once, you need to not be an attention whore.”

Then they got me: Skullcrusher called me out. Tomfoolery told me I was scared. And Hijinks took to the dance floor, casually telling me over his shoulder he was probably better anyway.

I had no options left.

GO TIME

When I say I can smoke Thriller, I mean it. What I did not expect was that Hijinks was equally skilled. We played off each other so well that they cleared the dance floor and the entire wedding was in a circle around us. This upped the ante. He’d do a move. I’d do a move. Each one had to be more spectacular than the previous one. His rhythm was a smidge better – I had to go with acrobatics. I did a bunch of drop downs, leg claps, etc. – all the basics, and he followed suit with moves of his own. It was time to go for the kill shot – to show Hijinks who the real zombie was.

Aerial Split. Flawless. 

Floor slide. Crowd pleaser. 

Backspin. Laughter. 

Layout. Clapping. 

Popup. Hijinks knows victory is mine. 

Closing split. I get a grade 2 hamstring tear. 

This is probably the part where you ask, “Nick…did you just say that you got a Grade 2 Hamstring Tear while break dancing at a wedding?” And the answer is that is exactly what I just said. I’ve jumped out of planes, road marched, fought in every kind of martial art you can think of, lifted a stupid amount of heavy weights, played almost every sport, and nary a hamstring pull – never mind a tear, but on June 7th, all of that would change.

Come to find out, when one of the largest muscles in your body tears apart, it smarts a bit. My first instinct was to writhe in pain on the ground, but then I thought, “What? And lose to Hijinks?” Instead, I tried to pop up. When I (quickly) realized that I did not have the hamstring strength to get up, I did a back somersault and hopped up on my left leg and finished the song.

Before you ask:

1) Yes, it made my injury worse, but I won.

2) No, it was not an actual competition, but I make everything a competition.

3) If you think it is silly to complicate a major injury in order to win a wedding dance competition that isn’t really a competition, you clearly have never met me.

So, how did it end?

As I hid my limp coming off the dance floor, I received many a pat on the back. I walked past a table with a few over-60 couples, and was asked point blank if I was a professional dancer. I replied, “Yes, ma’am. Yes I am.”

Weekend Synopsis:

Act like a teenager at a black tie wedding? Check. 

Abuse alcohol? Check. 

Receive a personal thank you from the photographer? Check. 

Told “Thanks for coming and being you” from bride and groom? Check. 

Lied to senior citizens about actual profession? Check. 

Tore major and essential muscle group for no good reason? Check. 

Walked two miles to the famous Arlington International House of Pancakes anyway? Check. 

I nominate, second, and formally send myself to Douchebagistan. I’ll be there for at least 6 weeks while I rehab.

Copyright of Nick

 

Remember that oath you took when you first signed up? You vowed to uphold the Constitution of the United States of America. Sounds like a no-brainer – these are the basic tenets of egalitarian democracy. Free speech, free religion…what could possibly be the downside? In your calculations, you probably never considered that you might be protecting the right of people to PROTEST YOUR MILITARY FUNERAL.

That’s why this week Ranger Up salutes the esteemed members of the Westboro Baptist Church, who have been picketing military funerals for about a year now. Armed with signs that bear such heartfelt messages as “God hates the U.S.A.”, “Thank God for IEDs”, and “God killed your son”, these wastes of space gather outside military funerals and shout insults at the mourners in an attempt to disrupt the services.

Their rationale (if it may be dignified as such) goes something like this: 1) God hates homosexuals (reference their “classy” sitehttp://www.godhatesfags.com/), 2) the US tolerates homosexuality, 3) God punishes the US by killing its soldiers, ergo 4) these soldiers deserved to die and thus do not deserve a respectful military funeral. In short, “Military funerals are pagan orgies of idolatrous blasphemy where they pray to the dunghill gods of Sodom and play taps to a fallen fool.” Clearly.

Whether these people have the intellectual capacity to understand that they are protesting the funerals of the very men and women who fought and died to protect their right to do exactly that remains unknown. We do hope, however, that the irony’s not lost on them.

Some other fun Westboro Baptist Church facts:

- WBC members wrote letters to Saddam Hussein praising his regime, and traveled to Baghdad in February 2003 to protest the impending US invasion.

- WBC members traveled to West Virginia on 15 January 2006, waving signs that read “Thank God for dead miners” to protest the memorial service for the victims of the Sago Mine Disaster.

- They hate America (http://www.godhatesamerica.com/).

-They hate…uh…Sweden (http://www.godhatessweden.com/).

You know what else God hates? When corn gets stuck in his teeth (http://www.godhatescornstuckinhisteeth.com)

It takes a whole lot of work to make Scientologists look smart, but you assholes have done it.

Welcome to Douchebagistan.

Copyright of Brad and Nick

Newswire: Ranger Up Unanimously Votes to Send 218 members of Congress to Douchebagistan…

We are in a war in Iraq. A lot of people love to spend their time arguing about whether or not we should have gone (and by “we” they mean the American soldier, sailor, marine, and airmen – probably an inclusive term they shouldn’t use so loosely given that I know I haven’t been shot at lately from the comfort of my couch).

I don’t want to comment on that argument.

There’s no reason to. The U.S. military and its allies are in Iraq.

So that leaves two real camps:

There are people in America that believe the war in Iraq must be seen to a successful conclusion. I am one of them.

There are others that truly believe the war is wrong and fight passionately to end it immediately. While they possess many arguments for this belief, one that is reoccurring is that “not a single additional soldier should die for an unjust war or for a war that cannot be won”. For one moment, I am going to give them the benefit of the doubt and believe that they truly care about the American Armed Forces or those of our allies. I still believe these people are shortsighted, lack the proper historical perspective, and are not taking the futures of the people of Iraq into account. That being said, there is one thing I like about them – their argument makes sense if we agree on the premise.

In other words, winning the Iraq War is either good for America and Iraq or bad for America and Iraq. If you believe it is good, the only logical argument is that we must win. If you believe it is bad, the only logical argument is that we must leave immediately and preserve American life.

That’s it. People like to complicate the matter, but that’s all there is – regardless of whether you think the U.S. and its allies should have begun the war.

There are two reasonable premises. There are two logical overarching conclusions.

And then there’s the method developed by the 218 members of Congress, led by Nancy Pelosi.

Your elected leaders did the following:

They decided they would pass a bill that gave more power to the legislature than has ever been granted previously, knowing the President would have to veto this bill. This bill would mandate that Iraq War would have to end by the arbitrary date of August 31st, 2008, as Ms. Pelosi apparently felt like that seemed like a pretty good day to admit defeat. Surprisingly, she found that many of the members of her own party would not sign on to this plan and that she was lacking almost 20 votes. So she bribed them.

That’s right – the Speaker of the House led an aggressive effort that cost over $20B in taxpayer funding to bribe members of her own party to agree to the bill.

In essence, the Honorable Ms. Pelosi, third in command of the United States, has determined that while my friends are fighting in Iraq, the best way to support them is not to simply pass the emergency funding bill to support their efforts, but rather to attach $20B in bills that have nothing to do with the war effort to “grease” the wheels with the members of her party that are for sale so that she can assure that the United States will lose the war and abandon the Iraqi people to sectarian chaos in the fall of 2008.

Gosh. Thanks.

They really appreciate it.

Actually…now that I think about it…How dare you?

How dare you play political games with their lives? How dare you not fight for what you think is right? How dare you give the people killing my friends a goal – to hold out until 31 August.

What’s the intent here? The President is going to veto the bill. He has to. So then what? Do my friends not get ammo? Do they not get food? Are you going to have the balls to blame the President if that actually came to fruition?

If you truly feel that the “mandate from the people” that you keep referring to is to end the war in Iraq, then you should be fighting to do just that – with every iota of your being. You are not. You are playing games.

Violence in Iraq is down 60-80% since Petraeus took over – you should be thrilled at this fact. If you love America the way I would hope my elected officials do, you should be praying that we can win this thing – that the detractors, even if you are one of them, were wrong, and that the President’s steadfast approach to this fight was the right one. You should want victory – you should want a stable Iraq. You should feel this way now more than ever with the new success our men and women on the ground have begun to achieve. But that’s not what you’re doing – you’re trying to slow the momentum of success. You’re pretending we can’t win to meet your own needs.

You want us to fail.

You just want to be right.

You want to be right so the President looks bad – so your party has a better chance in the elections – so you can say “I told you so”.

That is not leadership, and it is entirely unacceptable.

Your actions just guaranteed the additional loss of American life. Your actions just minimized our chances of victory. You’re hurting America AND Iraq. You are killing our men and women. You – and you alone.

“Freedom itself was attacked this morning by a faceless coward…” President Bush made that statement on September 11th, 2001. This time cowardice has a face.

The following members of Congress are cowards. They are either comfortable with allowing more soldiers, marines, sailors, and airmen to die for political gain or they sold their true beliefs for $20B in taxpayer’s money. Each and every one of them is responsible for strengthening the resolve of insurgents. Men and women will die because of them.

Abercrombie

Ackerman

Allen

Altmire

Andrews

Arcuri

Baca

Baird

Baldwin

Bean

Becerra

Berkley

Berman

Berry

Bishop (GA)

Bishop (NY)

Blumenauer

Boswell

Boucher

Boyd (FL)

Boyda (KS)

Brady (PA)

Braley (IA)

Brown, Corrine

Butterfield

Capps

Capuano

Cardoza

Carnahan

Carney

Carson

Castor

Chandler

Clarke

Clay

Cleaver

Clyburn

Cohen

Conyers

Cooper

Costa

Costello

Courtney

Cramer

Crowley

Cuellar

Cummings

Davis (AL)

Davis (CA)

Davis (IL)

DeFazio

DeGette

Delahunt

DeLauro

Dicks

Dingell

Doggett

Donnelly

Doyle

Edwards

Ellison

Ellsworth

Emanuel

Engel

Eshoo

Etheridge

Farr

Fattah

Filner

Frank (MA)

Giffords

Gilchrest

Gillibrand

Gonzalez

Gordon

Green, Al

Green, Gene

Grijalva

Gutierrez

Hall (NY)

Hare

Harman

Hastings (FL)

Herseth

Higgins

Hill

Hinchey

Hinojosa

Hirono

Hodes

Holden

Holt

Honda

Hooley

Hoyer

Inslee

Israel

Jackson (IL)

Jackson-Lee (TX)

Jefferson

Johnson (GA)

Johnson, E. B.

Jones (NC)

Jones (OH)

Kagen

Kaptur

Kennedy

Kildee

Kilpatrick

Kind

Klein (FL)

Lampson

Langevin

Lantos

Larsen (WA)

Larson (CT)

Levin

Lipinski

Loebsack

Lofgren, Zoe

Lowey

Lynch

Mahoney (FL)

Maloney (NY)

Markey

Matsui

McCarthy (NY)

McCollum (MN)

McDermott

McGovern

McIntyre

McNerney

Meehan

Meek (FL)

Meeks (NY)

Melancon

Millender-McDonald

Miller (NC)

Miller, George

Mitchell

Mollohan

Moore (KS)

Moore (WI)

Moran (VA)

Murphy (CT)

Murphy, Patrick

Murtha

Nadler

Napolitano

Neal (MA)

Oberstar

Obey

Olver

Ortiz

Pallone

Pascrell

Pastor

Payne

Pelosi

Perlmutter

Peterson (MN)

Pomeroy

Price (NC)

Rahall

Rangel

Reyes

Rodriguez

Ross

Rothman

Roybal-Allard

Ruppersberger

Rush

Ryan (OH)

Salazar

Sánchez, Linda T.

Sanchez, Loretta

Sarbanes

Schakowsky

Schiff

Schwartz

Scott (GA)

Scott (VA)

Serrano

Sestak

Shea-Porter

Sherman

Shuler

Sires

Skelton

Slaughter

Smith (WA)

Snyder

Solis

Space

Spratt

Stupak

Sutton

Tanner

Tauscher

Thompson (CA)

Thompson (MS)

Tierney

Towns

Udall (CO)

Udall (NM)

Van Hollen

Velázquez

Visclosky

Walz (MN)

Wasserman Schultz

Waxman

Weiner

Welch (VT)

Wexler

Wilson (OH)

Wu

Wynn

Yarmuth

Welcome to Douchebagistan.

Copyright of Nick

By

Mike E.

 

 

Hello. I just placed an order with ilovemymuscles.com and got this deluxe white tee shirt imprinted with the company’s logo on the front. I get to become a walking billboard for some cheesedick company that charges $25.00 for shipping to APO addresses, so I’d like to nominate myself as the Douche of the Week.

I’m sure you’ve seen me or my brethren at the gym. I work for a private security company that pays me about 600 dollars a day to pump steroids and exploit the soldiers that get paid 1/10th of what I make, whose sole purpose is to support my overpaid ass. I can probably be seen walking to and from my superior living accommodations. If I’m not in front of you at the DFAC, asking for obscure cuisine, like say, egg whites in the middle of fucking Iraq, then I’m more than likely at the gym. I’m the one benching 6 plates, grunting the whole time like some kind of animal in heat, ready to have an aneurysm.

One of my favorite things to do is throw weights around the gym. It’s pretty cool, I get to see people dodge 90 pound dumbbells after I curl them, once, and throw them on the floor in an incredible display of manhood. You’ll hardly ever see me doing cardio or legs when I’m at the gym, just biceps and chest. Sometimes I like to put on weight lifting belts, those nifty leather ones, because they help my grunt even louder, probably because my diaphragm is getting smothered.

But the greatness does not stop there. I’m a spokesman for Oakley and 5.11 tactical. I have the nicest shit, the coolest glasses and the absolute most rock hard tattoos. In fact, I once went into a tattoo shop outside of Watertown, New York, where I was stationed with the 10th mountain as a water purifier infantry combat superhero, threw a dart at the wall and just got whatever it landed on tattooed on my arm. Luckily, it was the Batman symbol.

I have a different pair of glasses for every day of the week, but the real veterans of my company, the silver backs, have a different pair for every day of the month. Aspirations…

The most recent ones I picked up are these super cool Cyclops ones, like the guy from the X-Men movies. Forget about tactical. Forget about eye protection. It’s all about style baby. You know these neon red lenses I got are just like the ones Vin Diesel wore while he was shooting the movie the Pacifier? I’m so cool.

One of my favorite hobbies is to pick up girls on active duty. National guard girls are the best, because the only thing they have to look forward to is redeploying home again, where their hotness will plummet from a 7 back down to a 2, maybe 2 and a half. Plus, these girls, especially the MP’s, are crazy about a hot shit like me who sings a nice tune about making thousands a month and claims to be looking for a nice girl to nest with.

I enjoy drinking in a combat zone, because lets face it, nothing mixes better with testosterone and guns than alcohol. That’s just another perk of working here as a private security company. Plus, a lot of the soldiers stationed here are more than happy to be my buddy. I don’t think they are exploiting the alcohol I can procure them. No, it’s not that. They just hang out with me because I’m smooth and have a nice personality.

You know, in hindsight I think maybe I’m not the true douche of the week. But I’m pretty close, I can tell you that.

Mike was part of our writing contest. He left us this note and we never heard from him again.

John Kerry is an Embarassment to the Nation

WARNING: There is nothing funny about this letter. I am pissed off beyond comprehension at Senator Kerry’s total disregard for the military.

Senator Kerry,

Thank you for your 4-months of service in Vietnam. That act, however, is the last thing that you have ever done for the U.S. Military. Your record since has included the defamation of your compatriots, a close friendship with Hanoi Jane, and one of the most anti-military voting records in history, including votes against the Abrams tank, the Bradley Fighting vehicle, and the Stealth Fighter and Bomber, the equipment that gave the U.S. the technological advantage in the last decade. You then opted to vote for the war in Iraq, but against the support package necessary to fight that war. I cannot imagine a greater disregard for our troops than to send them to war without the ability to wage that war.

It would be hard to top all that, but you managed to by making the following statement regarding education: “If you make the most of it and you study hard and you do your homework, and you make an effort to be smart, you can do well. If you don’t, you get stuck in Iraq.” Mr. Kerry, we expect ridiculous comments from actors, actresses, and country music bands. These people have no responsibilities and their lives are completely focused on our amusement, so their spoken absurdities matter not. But you, sir, are a United States Senator. Your voice is one of leadership. Your opinions affect the nation. Your judgment affects the men and women in uniform who risk their lives every day for our safety. Soldiers and Marines are dying every day. They are being injured every day. The fact that you have the audacity to make such a statement is appalling. It’s embarrassing.

Don’t you remember how hard your men trained for you? Don’t you remember the complexity of the operations you were engaged in? Can’t you appreciate that we have 19-year-olds out there balancing being soldiers, policemen, diplomats, and public servants, all the while wondering if they are going to be attacked by some terrorist asshole and that even under all of that stress, they’re doing one hell of a job?

Their selflessness and poise should impress you. They don’t, however, because you are a craven, self-serving bastard who always felt you were better than the men around you, as opposed to feeling the honor of being chosen by your nation to lead the best our country has to offer into battle. This is not about politics, but rather about you – a man with sub-par credentials and an unacceptable lack of character once again showing your true colors. Even your “apology” was an embarrassment, insincere as it was and permeated with your clear belief that you are superior to those around you. You deserve to lose your seat in the Senate. You deserve to be held accountable for your actions. You deserve to get your high-brow, candy ass kicked.

You have been called a flip-flopper in the past. I want to make clear that I absolutely disagree on that count – you have hated the American Soldier for well over 30 years.

Copyright of Nick

 

by

Tommy Batboy

I want to know what sort of bizzaro world I find myself living in when I have to tip my hat to the European press for doing the right thing, while I am utterly and totally disgusted with our press at home. Sadly, that is the exact situation I find myself in since Matt Drudge has opened his pie hole and done what even the tabloid rags across the pond wouldn’t do – sell out a soldier in combat. By letting the world know about Prince Harry’s deployment to Afghanistan, Drudge was directly responsible for increasing the risk to every British serviceman in Afghanistan, while simultaneously forcing a promising young officer off the field of battle just because he was born into a certain family.

Does this make sense to anyone else? While the rest of the twenty-something heiresses and heirs-apparent were arguing over who has done more body shots off of Paris Hilton and generally acting like self-entitled spoiled brats, Harry had been lobbying the British Military command and the section of his family that demand to be called “your royal highness” to let him do his job. Even the anti-war rhetoric that caused the withdrawal of British troops from Iraq, and the general opinion of everyone around that he was too important for such duty would not dissuade him. He fought onto the objective, completed the mission, and finally landed in Afghanistan on Christmas Eve. Merry Christmas, Sir.

And in an even more amazing Christmas miracle everyone in the British press and all the major news agencies with serious interests in our pint hoisting brethren agreed not to go public with the news until he got back. Imagine CNN; Fox News, the New York Times, and all the tabloids in the United States agreeing to sit on a story for four months. That’s basically what happened in the UK when Prince Harry deployed. What an unbelievable feeling of unity – of patriotism – of sacrificing the almighty dollar, or in this case pound sterling, for a cause bigger than one’s own interests. I believe we refer to such acts as selfless.

Enter Matt Drudge. With a click of his mouse the story so many of Harry’s countryman thought could be told after the fact was blasted out to an estimated 600 million people across the world. Did Drudge even take a minute to call the British Government to get a comment or find out more about the story? Perhaps find out why they didn’t want the information released? Did he at least ask his colleagues in the Euro press what was going on?

Nah, he just posted.

By flapping his gums he put the Prince and his men, true friends and allies in the fight against terror, in more danger. His trademark, “we have a right to know” argument is ludicrous, and tremendously self-serving. It makes me want kick down his door, bundle him up and throw him out the back of a Black Hawk in the middle of the Afghani desert with a sign written in Pashtu, Tajik, and Arabic saying “I’m a booze swilling, pork eating, Allah hating douche.”

You aren’t serving a higher calling. You didn’t provide the public with anything they needed to or deserved to know. You didn’t make the world a better place. You gambled with the lives of men far better than you and pissed off a good chunk of the world because it suited your need, made you some money, and gave you another fifteen minutes. And you get to do all of this, because better men – men like Harry – are willing to go to places like Afghanistan and fight on your behalf.

I’m embarrassed for you.

Welcome to Douchebagistan. They’ve been needing a press secretary.

Copyright of Tommy

 

by

Nick

Twelve of his brothers lay dead around him and the other two members of his 15 man unit were too injured to be of any use in the fight. 3000 elite Japanese soldiers surrounded them.

There was no chance of survival.

So John Basilone did the only thing that he could in this situation. He took control of the two functioning machine guns and fought the enemy with every iota of his being for three days.

Basilone repeatedly exposed himself to enemy fire and refused to give up in the face of overwhelming odds that would make any man – even our most absurd Hollywood Hero – blanch and retreat in fear.

But Basilone was not any man. He was a United States Marine. And there was no force on earth that could make him back down.

As regular Ranger Up readers know, I was not a Marine, but by God I am proud of them, and proud to know that my country can raise such men.

They are hard men – uncompromising, fierce in the face of adversity, with an unflinching belief in their country, in each other, and in themselves. They have consistently been handed the toughest missions our country can bestow, from their inception in 1775 to Iwo Jima to Fallujah. How can you look at their storied past and not appreciate their contribution? How can you not credit them, no matter what your political inclination or your feelings regarding our current conflicts, with the freedoms and relatively carefree lives that we all get to lead?

This brings me to the current situation in Berkeley, CA. At this point I am assuming that most of you know that the Berkeley City Council has decided to wage war on the Marine Corps Recruiting Station there by passing an ordinance that announced that the Marines were “unwelcome intruders” in Berkeley. This action has been supported by the zealots at Code Pink – an extremist organization that supposedly fights for free speech and promotes peace. In practice, they promote their opinions and attempt to destroy, through slanderous and unabashedly selfish means, anyone who dares to think crazy thoughts like…ummm…I don’t know…having a military is actually necessary for national security. While the Marines have been dragged through the mud in Berkeley, Code Pink has been given special rights by the council – their protest fees have been waived and they were awarded a special town-sanctioned parking space right in front of the recruiting station.

As if the absurdity of that situation isn’t enough, their leader, Tom Bates, is actually a former Army Captain (CAW! CAW!) who infamously was fined for stealing hundreds of Berkeley student newspapers when the paper backed his rival during his first election. He was fined $100 for his actions.

For those of you asking yourselves, “WTF, over?” let me restate:

That’s right kids – the mayor of Berkeley – a man who actually was charged with petty theft for stealing student newspapers in order to stifle free speech during our political process – has the nerve to try to take the “high ground” and drive the Marines out of Berkeley.

Nothing amazes me anymore.

Here’s the thing. The press continues to make this a “Blue State versus Red State” issue. I personally think it should be the opposite – this situation, and those like it, should be a unifying force in our country. Pundits like to paint a picture of all democrats being “crazy moonbat liberals” and all republicans being “evangelical warmongers”, and they do this because it suits their purpose and keeps them employed. But I distinctly remember serving as an infantryman with guys from both parties, and I remember our similarities – love of country, a hard work ethic, the unwavering belief that quitting was never an option, and a phenomenal sense of humor, to be ties that were much stronger than our political affiliations.

I’d like everyone to think for a minute – is Code Pink and the City of Berkeley reflective of the ethos of the average Democrat or are they just a bunch of selfish, spoiled Bliss Bunny assholes, who have the luxury of living in a consequence-free environment surrounded by people who believe exactly as they do and that getting high during their annual pilgrimage to Burning Man is the highest form of worship?

I like to think that reasonable people believe the latter. The people of Code Pink, the City Council, and Tom BF Bates are losers. No way around it – they live in a fairytale cotton candy sky and rivers of chocolate world and are lucky that they have people, both in the military and in industry, that work hard enough to maintain a civilization that can support them, because their brand of psychedelic ignorant utopia doesn’t play out well in the developing world.

My Recommendation

Senator Jim DeMint from South Carolina has started a bill that would cut $2.1 million in federal spending to Berkeley, CA, stating that “If the city can’t show respect for the Marines that have fought, bled and died for their freedom, Berkeley should not be receiving special taxpayer-funded handouts.”

Many in the Senate agree with him. I do as well.

Senator Barbara Boxer of California has argued against him, saying that the bill will cut programs for “high-end” school lunches, a program to teach kids how to farm organically, a ferry service, and programs supporting the University of Berkeley.

With respect to the Senator from California, Ma’am, who gives a shit?

I don’t mean to sound like a jerk – all of these programs sound like positive things for the Berkeley community, but these are federal funds and I see no reason why you or I should be paying a dime for them, given that these people are not only unwilling to sacrifice personally in any way for the country, but are actually harassing and attempting to ostracize those that do.

The federal government regularly withholds funds to states or towns that don’t follow seatbelt guidance, highway speed guidance, minimum drinking age standards – why is this any different?

Democrats and Republicans alike should begin pushing hard for this legislation and not allow it to simply be political grandstanding by either side. If you agree with me, then please contact your congressmen and senators and let them know how you feel. The Berkeley community has drawn a line in the sand. They have made the statement that they do not value the men and women that are in harms way on a daily basis who allow them to live in their little bubble. They’ve even made it legal for spoiled brats who have spent their entire lives in academia to more easily disrespect those that are willing to make that sacrifice.

I see no reason why we cannot let this bubble simply pop.

One more thing… 

Recently, good old Tommy Bates has changed his tune slightly under the strain of the national outrage over his town, stating that the council might have gone a bit too far with some of the language in the ordinance, but that he thinks “it stands (that) we didn’t want them (the Marines) here and they came here. And (they are) unwelcome, you know we’d like them to leave voluntarily. So I don’t think an apology is in order.”

He went on to say that he believes he could work it out with the landlord if the Marines wanted to get out of their lease early in light of the resistance from the community.

The Marines responded eloquently and professionally, as one might expect, but I will attempt to paraphrase their response:

Marines don’t retreat and we sure as shit don’t surrender.

Tommy, we’re not sending you to Douchebagistan. You already live there.

Ranger Up note: The Good Mayor Bates will be shortly receiving a Blue Falcon t-shirt and our sincerest thanks for his support of the Marines.

Copyright of Nick

 
September 24th, 2007

This week, we salute Democratic Ohio Congressman (and Presidential hopeful) Dennis Kucinich for his titillating tour of the Middle East. Apparently, Mr. Kucinich thought himself just too darn important to stick to his President’s policy of avoiding direct talks with the oligarchic Syrian government; nay, the solidarity of the American administration must be sacrificed to Mr. Kucinich’s politcal ambitions. During this visit, he made it a point to stop by Syria and have a little one-on-one time with Syrian President Bashar Assad, a prolific sponsor of terror and sworn enemy of the United States.

Mr. Bashar quickly realized that someone as intellecually childish as Mr. Kucinich could be pretty useful as an anti-US propoganda tool, so he threw him on state-owned Syrian National TV. It turned out to be a great move, as the Congressman could hardly have been more gushing in his support for the Syrian regime. Here’s a few of his oratory gems for the kids at home:

“It was a meeting where His Excellency, President Assad, showed a real desire to play a role in helping to create a peaceful settlement of the conditions in Iraq…So it was a very important meeting, and I felt honored to have the chance to speak with him.”

“…the United States must end the occupation, close the bases, bring the troops home, but we must have a parallel political process that reaches out to the international community, with the help of Syria and Iran, that would bring an international peace-keeping force, move it in as our troops leave, so there is no vacuum.”

“…not only must we stabilize Iraq, but we also must pay reparations to the people of Iraq for the great human tragedy that has been caused.”

“We need to see that there is honest reconstruction in Iraq, no Halliburton dishonest cheating of the people of Iraq…I want my country to be loved by the world.”

“I’ll tell you, His Excellency, President Assad, today, indicated a very strong interest in playing a role to help bring about stability in Iraq…”

 

“Syria is one of the few countries in the world who has opened its arms to the Iraqi refugees…It is an extraordinary gesture on the part of the Syrian government…it also shows that here is a man, President Assad, who should be respected and appreciated for the role that he has played.”

Instead of spending his time helping hostile foreign regimes spread anti-American propaganda, maybe Mr. Kucinich should be brushing up on his poetic devices. Might I suggest learning the definition of “Irony”? Allow me to explain:

1) Mr. Kucinich, who has never served in the military, loves to run around bashing his country for its “illegal occupation of Iraq”, but he doesn’t even have the guts to stop by the country to actually verify his claims. His reason? “I feel the United States is engaging in an illegal occupation … I don’t want to bless that occupation with my presence.”

Alright, Dennis, you got us there – I’m sure all the US military members there are crying their eyes out since they got the news that you wouldn’t be stopping by to degrade their service. We’re even willing to overlook the fact that by using the word “bless” you imply that your presence has some sort of holy connotation…

2) Mr. Kucinich seems to have forgotten that Syria occupied Lebanon from 1976-2005 – almost 30 years. The Syrian military forcibly occupied the whole of Lebanon for a generation, despite Lebanon’s repeated requests that Syrian forces leave their country, and in complete defiance UN Security Council Resolution 520 in 1982, which demanded a complete Syrian withdrawal from Lebanon. So much for playing the peaceful, multilateralist card…

3) Mr. Kucinich praised the Syrian regime’s contributions to regional stability. This is a stunning feat, given that “His Excellency” has been doing just about everything in his power to create as much chaos as possible – including openly harboring terrorists and assassinating former Lebanese Prime Minister Rafik Hariri in 2005. To be fair, when questioned about his actions, Assad responded with “My bad, dude – I guess that was kinda messed up. I’ll try not to do it again”.

4) Mr. Kucinich talks about how he advocates “an even-handed approach in the region”, while traveling through the Middle East on the dime of radical pressure groups like “The Arab American Community Center for Economic and Social Services in Ohio (AACCESS-Ohio)”. This congressman knows he’s gotta toe the Syrian line…or he’s not gonna have a flight out of that little sandbox back to his congressional office in the terrible, fascist US.

While Mr. Kucinich is not undermining US interests for his own political gain, praising an openly hostile regime whose leader is a sworn enemy of the US, trying to spend your tax dollars on “reparations” to the Iraqi people (no, we’re not kidding), suggesting that we need to have a joint Syrian-Iranian military force assume responsibility for security in Iraq (they’ll be fair, open, and honest, just like with their own people), or openly hoping that American power declines to the point where we can FINALLY be “loved by the world,” he’s making a complete fool of himself in just about every other region in the world. Some more fun Kucinich facts:

1) Mr. Kucinich signed a “Letter of Solidarity” with Hugo Chavez, the virulently anti-American socialist president of Venezuela, in 2004.

2) Mr. Kucinich is one of only two congressional representatives who voted against the Rothman-Kirk Resolution, which calls on the United Nations to charge Iranian president Mahmoud Ahmadinejad with violating the genocide convention of the United Nations Charter based on statements that he has made. Kucinich claims that we do not fully understand the nuances of the Persian language, asserting that something must be lost in translation. Ahmadinejad has publicly called for the “elimination of the Zionist regime” on many occasions. Little known fact, the Persian words for “elimination of” sounds a lot like “embrace with big hugs and kisses”. Thanks for pointing out that ambiguity, Dennis.

3) Mr. Kucinich is the only congressional representative to vote against the symbolic “9/11 Commemoration” resolution.

4) Mr. Kucinich is…uhh…“spiritual”: “I am running for President of the United States to enable the Goddess of Peace to encircle within her arms all the children of this country and all the children of the world.”

Dennis Kucinich, welcome to Douchebagistan.

Copyright of Brad

 

10 September 2007

From 1962 to 1976, 58,195 Americans were killed in action in the Vietnam War. Fully another 303,704 were wounded an action, and another 2,338 are still missing in action as of this writing. Those that did return came home expecting to be met as heroes, as America had met all of its previous veterans. Instead, however, they were met with sneers, heckling, spit, and even violence.

Men who had given their all – who had come back without limbs, with burns, with significant psychological trauma, who had lost their best friends in the jungles of Vietnam, were met by spoiled kids and the adult academic elite who had the gall to decry their service. Hollywood, led by “Hanoi” Jane Fonda, spit on them and supported our nation’s enemies. Some of their own, like our good senator from Massachusetts, John Kerry, chose to stab their brothers-in-arms in the back by lying about the behavior of US service members in the name of political expediency. This despicable “counter-culture” was so prevalent that veterans were abandoned for the first time in American history – not treated for their wounds or cared for by their communities – but rather ignored and pushed to the background. After all, the Vietnam War was simply unpalatable to those that detest the evils of “American aggression.”

So Vietnam vets did what a soldier, marine, sailor, or airman does in times of crisis – they turned to each other. They created their own culture – they defined themselves – they made their own rules. Most importantly, they vowed this would never happen again to another veteran as long as they were alive. Their strength, we believe, is the biggest reason why the anti-war movement has not repeated their assault on our nation’s troops.

In 1982, these proud veterans finally were given their due respect – the Vietnam War Memorial, known to vets simply as “The Wall”, was built. On it is inscribed the name of each young man and woman who gave their lives for their country during the Vietnam War. It is beautiful in its simplicity, and I have never seen a more touching tribute to our nation’s heroes.

Two days ago, a new generation of low-lives reared their despicable heads. The wall was defaced with an oily solvent that ate into the marble and faded some of the names on the memorial.

How dare they?

Disagreeing with public policy is a constitutional right.

Holding protests against the war, however detestable these protests tend to get, is a constitutional right.

Desecrating the Wall is reprehensible. It is cowardice. It required the worst of all people.

Like all irrational extremists, these people justify their actions by citing their strong distaste for American policy. They hate the war in Iraq and they think the president is an idiot, so their defacement of an American Shrine to the Best of Men – to our fallen comrades is warranted? I mean, now they can go brag to their friends about their bravery in the face of that evil “fascist” Bush, right?

It was our fault that the Trade Center Attacks occurred too, right guys? Because we made Osama so mad with our imperialist nature (you know the one where we don’t actually use our military dominance to gain possessions, in sharp contrast to every other great nation in the history of the world) that he had no choice but to kill 3000 civilians – I mean he had to do something, right?

As a veteran, I am continuously frustrated by the arbitrary hatred that the extreme leftist “elite” has for the Armed Forces. Newsflash fellas – you’re not smarter. You’re not more experienced. You don’t have great insight that we cannot comprehend. And by the way, the fact that you spent a summer “abroad” in Europe getting shit-canned, reading Noam Chomsky and Howard Zinn, listening to Pierre complaining about American oppression, and sleeping with as many people as you can on what really amounted to nothing more than a semester-long spring break, doesn’t give you any great wisdom either.

And another thing – if you’re going to hate the American Fighting Man – have the balls to say it. Please take “I support the troops but not the war” and cram it firmly up your ass. Perhaps the only redeeming quality of the original hippie is that he was open about his disgust for those that actually have sacrificed for their country.

Whether drafted or volunteered, the men who served in Vietnam did not have to go. They could have fled to Canada, Mexico, or anywhere else to evade having to serve. Do you have any idea what it is like to have to walk day-in and day-out, with 100 lbs on your back, with trench foot, as you constantly get rained on? We haven’t even gotten to the getting shot at part yet or the punji sticks or any of the other fun things our vets had to deal with. Can you even fathom this existence? These men lived it. They didn’t “study” it in a sterile environment.

Again, this is not a question of political ideology.

You want to hate Bush? Fine. It’s your right.

You want to protest? Fine. It’s your right.

You want to make absurd comments about the U.S. Military. Fine. It’s your right.

You want to try to take away the memories of men far better than you that gave their lives so that you can be a giant douchebag, and in some way compare your “heroics” to those that actually know what danger and sacrifice is by defacing their most sacred of symbols? I hope the worst that there is in this world befalls you. You’re oxygen thieves, and I hope your deaths come swiftly and with a lot of pain. Better yet, I hope you try your antics again in the presence of some Vietnam Vets.

They were better than you.

They gave everything.

You are faceless fucking cowards.

Copyright of Nick

 

The City of San Francisco

There’s liberal, there’s ultra-liberal, there’s Michael Moore, and then there’s San Francisco. This past week, the San Francisco school board has determined that high school JROTC programs are dangerous institutions that must be banned. Nice call, guys. Forget the fact that JROTC gives a lot of kids the opportunity to be a part of something that gives them pride and a sense of discipline. Forget the fact that kids in JROTC programs score better on standardized tests than their counterparts at the same schools. Forget the fact that most of them don’t actually enter the military. Instead, let’s focus on two faux issues: The “Don’t Ask Don’t Tell” policy and the fact that JROTC “breeds violence”.

Let’s begin with the former.

Option 1: Let’s think about this for a minute. The “Don’t Ask Don’t Tell” policy is a national legal issue. Who legislates nationally in the US? Congress. Who elects the members of Congress? That’s right. You. Instead of whining about a decision that the military doesn’t even have any say in, maybe you should get off your hypocritical asses and actually get to a polling station or if you’re really fired up, put some effort into a serious grassroots and lobbying campaign to change the policy.

Option 2: Punish some kids trying to improve themselves so that you can make national news, brag to your herbal tea-sipping friends how you’re fighting for liberty, and continue to make the rest of America wish that Lex Luthor’s plan from Superman comes true and Arizona suddenly is beachfront property.

Nice call on Option 2, Assclowns.

Now we’ll discuss the latter. I’m sure one of you muddleheaded peaceniks can cite a couple of instances in the past hundred years where a JROTC kid has committed violence. I bet if you check, though, you’ll find that the percentage correlates to the same that you’d find in the standard population. I’d even wager that it’s less.

I (and I admit, I’m shooting from the hip here) have a tendency to think this is about something else. I think this is a thinly veiled hissy fit. You don’t like the President. You don’t like soldiers. You’re the kind of people that think everyone between San Francisco and New York is an uneducated redneck. And because you are powerless to change most everything, you lash out at the one thing you can affect – defenseless kids.

The irony is that you think you are “saving” them from some insidious fate, when they really need to be saved from the likes of you.

If you had actually done a bit of “field research” on the subject, you might realize that JROTC is focused on breeding the attributes of integrity, teamwork, and discipline. JROTC kids have committed to something greater than themselves. I know what you’re asking – why would anyone do anything that wasn’t completely focused on their own personal gain? This concept is called selfless service. Please look it up. It’s an important value without which our nation would not exist. It is the value that motivated George Washington and allowed him to hold together a ragtag group of patriots when there seemed to be no chance of success, and it is the same value that motivates soldiers, marines, sailors, and airmen to fight today.

But you didn’t do that research, and even if you did, I’m certain you’d figure out some way to justify your absurd bit o’ legislation. Decisions like this one only come about from top shelf self-aggrandizing assholes. Congratulations! You just joined Senator Kerry’s cabinet. We dub thee (yes – all of you) the new Secretary of Defense of Douchebagistan. It just seemed appropriately ironic. God, you guys suck.

Copyright of Nick