Scary Monsters: A New York Reporter Gets Punked by a Gun
By Paul J. O’Leary
Gersh Kuntzman of the New York Daily News might be a punk ass bitch.
In an effort to join the debate over guns in America following the horrific shooting massacre in Orlando last weekend, Kuntzman traveled to Philadelphia and spent some time in a local gun store interviewing the owner and finding out what it was like to fire an Ar-15. His resulting article, “What is it like to fire an Ar-15? It’s horrifying, menacing and very very loud.” (yes, that’s REALLY the headline) is comical at best and cringe worthy at worst.
Kuntzman, 51, described some…. unusual…reactions to his first experience with a rifle.
“I was just terrified.”
Terrified? Seriously? I could buy off on nervous, apprehensive, or anxious, but terrified. Terrified is reserved for rolling out the gate on your first combat patrol or realizing those eight bikers are about to kick the ever-living shit out of you and there’s nothing you can do about it. But for shooting a rifle in a highly controlled environment? C’mon, man….
“Squeeze lightly on the trigger and the resulting explosion of firepower is humbling and deafening (even with ear protection).”
My brother, either you were using paper cupcake liners for your ear pro or you’ve got supersonic hearing like Wolverine, except Wolverine would NEVER tell the world he possessed all the masculinity of a three-year-old girl, which is what this article basically did.
“The recoil bruised my shoulder. The brass shell casings disoriented me as they flew past my face. The smell of sulfur and destruction made me sick.”
Squad fucking halt! I am calling bullshit on this part of your resignation letter from manhood. If the recoil from an AR-15 really did bruise your shoulder, you had better hope the New York Daily News has really good medical insurance because you need to see a doctor immediately, sir. You clearly have some sort of blood disease or something because that’s pretty much the only explanation for getting a bruised shoulder from shooting an AR-15. You could have placed the butt stock of the weapon against your vagina and not suffered bruising, Gersh.
“The explosions — loud like a bomb — gave me a temporary case of PTSD. For at least an hour after firing the gun just a few times, I was anxious and irritable.”
You see, I know people with PTSD…real PTSD, not this pussified chicken shit you described here. Real PTSD comes from a place of great trauma and terror: a former sergeant of mine who, after spending years as a Traffic Homicide Investigator, couldn’t spend time around even routine crashes because the smell of spilled radiator fluid reminded her of innocent children and whole families turned into mangled hunks of shredded flesh after being hit head on by a drunk driver; friends who watched their buddies die despite the best medical attention because a cowardly jihadist detonated a homemade bomb as they passed by on patrol; children who suffered unspeakable horrors at the hands of a parent or trusted relative who have to live with those dark memories.
Those people and millions like them suffer PTSD. So, fuck you with your hour of being anxious and irritable after shooting an AR-15. How dare you, sir.
As a writer, I wholeheartedly support the First Amendment and I encourage journalists to jump into the debate of guns in America, and any other important issue. What I don’t expect is to see this type of hysterical and borderline fictitious drivel pass for serious journalism.
And while you’re at it, Gersh, try acting like a man. If you really are so easily bruised and scared by an afternoon at the range, maybe you should forget writing about guns and go find a safe space to hide in until you can face yourself in the mirror.
Paul J. O’Leary is a freelance writer for the Rhino Den and Unapologetically American. In addition to being a glorified class clown, he is an Army veteran, husband, and father. You can follow him on Twitter at @PaulJOLeary and on Facebook at @PaulJOLeary66.