RTFU

Ranger Up Talks Suicide: Warrior Poetry – Forever Into Darkness

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Updated: September 11, 2013

 

By SCUBA

Preface:

I wrote this poem while I was a patient in a psychiatric hospital last year. It captures the state of mind that I was in at the time, struggling with PTSD and suicidal ideology. It depicts the mindset and “reality” from the perspective of a distorted and very dangerous state of mind; a state of mind that I was able to change through a lot of therapy and support. This is a reminder of where I never again want to be. However, if I do, I know how and where to get the help that I need. The reason that I wanted this poem publicly displayed is to show that a person in distress can and will move forward. A warrior wounded, is one waiting to heal. Together we can strive, not just survive.

 Forever into Darkness

Haunted by faceless faces

Drowning in oceans of disfigured remains

Distorted sounds and disorganized noises blend with images of stiff, naked bodies covered in lifeless blood

Tormented by violence, death and suicide

Suffocated by misery, guilt and fear

Long, restless nights endure for an eternity

Searching for an escape

Inching closer to the other side

Each passing day brings me closer to nowhere

Fantasizing of death, the comfort it brings

Wishing to spill my blood to release the pain

Drain the agony from my veins

Asphyxiated by the reality created in my brain.

Comments

comments

4 Comments

  1. Doc Lo Lo

    September 11, 2013 at 12:26 pm

    My first encounter of death of friend was in high school. His name is Wilie and he was a great guy. He was gunned down – he was at the wrong place, wrong time.

    I was raised with a strong spiritual foundation and what helped me deal with his death, was advice from my Mother. so when she told me:

    “Do the work he would have wanted to do when he was alive”.

    I also interpret that as, “Live for your friend”.

    I use my Mother’s advice to help me deal with deaths of family and friends. They died – not you. Live for them, live for you.

  2. Gene Bennett

    September 11, 2013 at 8:10 pm

    That is profound writing! Glad to see you found your way back!

  3. Highpockets

    September 11, 2013 at 8:46 pm

    WAVES

    I ride the crest and worry of the trough.
    I reach the trough only to dream of the crest.
    Never stopping long at either, the fall to the trough sickens me, the climb to the crest tiring.
    When I’m on top, riding the crest, I look ahead and can see the land.
    Glimpses really, of the edge where blue and brown meet.
    Memories of the land come flooding back; firm, constant, unmoving… Happiness.

    How I long to be still

    I lose sight of the land and look down, into the trough and see the reflection of a man I do not know; the face older, the body fit, but cracked.
    The cracks are small but many. Through them escapes the faint light and sound of all the prayed-for sunrises, and littles voices that got in the way.
    I ask God to calm the waters, let me swim to the land; and still I struggle against the tempest.
    I am tiring, I want out of the waves, my feet resting, once again, on the ground that was September 10th.”

  4. Alice E. Stokes

    September 11, 2013 at 9:03 pm

    For every vet out there please don’t think about suicide talk to another vet they can help believe me. My husband is a Vietnam vet and I use to get the shit kicked out of me in bed at night. He didn’t know what he was doing but I came close to leaving him a few times but I told him that he needed someone to talk to seems he wouldn’t talk to me. He finally started to go to the Vietnam Veterans Organizations that we joined. They had Rap sessions once a week plus any of his Vet brothers he could call and talk to if he needed to. He also had a great councelor at the VA Clinic to talk to and believe me it sure helped. So Pleeeeese before you think of suicide talk to another Vet,a councelor or even someone in your family. Believe me if they really love you all they want you to do is to talk to them. If you love them don’t keep them in the dark because they Love you and just want to know what is going on in your head and how they can Help you. Talking helps believe me I know. Please Please talk to someone it will help…….

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