RTFU

Nick Palmisciano Challenges Tom Atencio of Affliction to a Fight

By
Updated: May 14, 2009

 

knuckles

Ranger Up’s own RU Nick just challenged Tom Atencio to a Fight. Interviewed by Five Ounces of Pain, here’s how the interview went:

A lot has been made recently of Tom Atencio of Affliction challenging Dana White to a fight. In a shocking twist of events, we have just learned that Nick Palmisciano of Ranger Up has challenged Tom Atencio to a fight.

FiveOuncesOfPain.com recently cofirmed the challenge through an exclusive interview conducted with none other than Palmisciano himself.

FiveOuncesOfPain.com: Why do you want to fight Atencio?

Nick: Well, I feel like this is the next logical progression in my fighting career. I currently have a professional record of 0-0, and I feel like a big win over Atencio would really send a signal to the major promotions that I am not just the owner of a t-shirt company, but actually a world class athlete.

FiveOuncesOfPain.com: Some would say this is just a media ploy to highlight your brand. What would you say to those people?

Nick: This has absolutely nothing to do with Ranger Up. That’s R-A-N-G-E-R-U-P dot com. This is purely about my career as a professional fighter, not about selling more t-shirts at RangerUp.com. It’s like when we hire hot girls to model our clothes at RangerUp.com—that’s not about selling t-shirts at RangerUp.com, either.

FiveOuncesOfPain.com: This really comes as somewhat of a surprise to a lot of people. We didn’t even know you fought…or for that matter that you existed. How long have you been training?

Nick: What time is it?

FiveOuncesOfPain.com: Fair enough. You seem to be a heavier guy. Atencio fights at 155. How do you see that playing out?

Nick: Well, I walk around at about 200 and he’s 155, so I figured a catch-weight of 195 seems reasonable.

FiveOuncesOfPain.com: Ummm…ok. What do you think your strengths are?

Nick: Well, I was a helluva break dancer until I tore my hamstring doing Thriller at a wedding. I can recite the entire opening cheer from the movie Bring it On. I’ve even won five karaoke competitions and I can’t sing at all. I also make t-shirts at RangerUp.com.

FiveOuncesOfPain.com: No, I mean in the fight.

Nick: Oh that. I’m not sure. I think I am going to focus all my energy on the crane kick. If you cast your mind back, you’ll remember that Mr. Miagi said, “If do right, no can defense.” Also, our t-shirts have living people on them and his have skeletons – that has to be an edge.

FiveOuncesOfPain.com: I don’t see how. Also, aren’t you forgetting Karate Kid Part II? Daniel-san tried the crane kick and it failed. So was Mr. Miagi wrong or did he do it imperfectly?

Nick: Dude, you just blew my freakin’ mind. I’d have to go with imperfectly. Miagi is never wrong.

FiveOuncesOfPain.com: It’s what I do. Where do you see his strengths?

Nick: Well, he definitely has more tattoos. Tattoos are scary and they automatically make you tougher.

FiveOuncesOfPain.com: That’s true. How do you plan to defend against these tattoos?

Nick: I’ve been talking it over with my potential corners in this potential fight, and they believe that I should get some tattoos ASAP to counteract the power of his tattoos. The problem is that I don’t like needles and I’ve heard that tattoos hurt too much, so we decided I’m getting fake tattoos.

FiveOuncesOfPain.com: Good compromise. What will your tattoos be of?

Nick: I will probably go with a big Ranger Up logo. It’s not that I want to whore my brand out to grow sales at any cost, even if it results in personal embarrassment, it’s just that the Ranger Up logo will make a really good tattoo. So, yeah, definitely the logo…or maybe a unicorn, because they have magical powers and they are totally bad ass…but the Unicorn would have a little speech bubble over its head and it’d be saying, “Ranger Up”.

FiveOuncesOfPain.com: I’ve gotta tell you, I think this whole thing sounds ridiculous.

Nick: You mean because we’re both Italian? I know man – it’s tough to go after another Paisano, but you know, we’re professionals. It’s just the business.

FiveOuncesOfPain.com: You are not a professional fighter. You are not in the business. This is just a marketing ploy and candidly, I’m aggravated that I am speaking with you. Who are you going to fight next? Scott Coker? Bjorn Rebney?

Nick: First of all, I am deeply offended by that accusation. RangerUp.com would never resort to that kind of thing. Ranger Up. Second, Scott Coker would kick my ass – he’s been in the fight biz since the Carter administration, and Rebney just looks scary. I’m not ready for that kind of heat.

FiveOuncesOfPain.com (bored): Who then? Who’s next if you beat Atencio?

Nick: Gina Carano.

FiveOuncesOfPain.com: Dude – she would kick your ass.

Nick (glint of happiness in his eye): Yes…Yes, she would.

nick-body-tattoo

Comments

comments

5 Comments

  1. Sgt.Joey

    May 18, 2009 at 11:52 am

    Nick I think this fighting between two Italians is not a good idea.One of my girlfriends ,a 30 year old topless dancer(worked her way thru college this way.)has a master’s degree in higher mathematics and a genius level I.Q. She stated this is an easy lesson in fluid dynamics and concentrated matter and energy.She thinks fighting would cause a suctional process that causes matter to move inward: centripetal motion. In otherwords,it(energy) does not follow a radial or straight path to the center.It therefore follows whirling spiraling motion thus creating a vortex.The frightening result? An implosion of both of you!Too much energy release concentrated in one inclosed area.So please heed her warning.I have been trying to gain as much knowledge from her as possible by exchanging as much body fluids between us as possible.So far ,I have not had much luck.I believe the solution is to double up my efforts forthwith.Wish me luck!

  2. Hank

    May 18, 2009 at 2:25 pm

    Nick,

    The medical insurance offer I posted in my comment over at Five Ounces still stands. Any way we can get Gina on the card? Not wearing my creative thinking cap today but this was worth another chuckle. I think Just Barely still owes you, maybe Amy could be one of your ring girls, now that’s another contest.

    With my track record of being a Dent Head, all I can wish you is good luck.

    Semper Fi, Hank

  3. Joe R.

    May 19, 2009 at 7:12 pm

    Tom Atencio of Affliction leaks out some of his traing LOL
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4JMOh-cul6M

  4. Christian P.

    May 21, 2009 at 2:02 am

    Will this fight be cancelled so Spike can air a 90 minute special called Bad Blood: Ranger Up vs. Affliction?

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