RTFU

Meet Colton Smith

By
Updated: October 30, 2011

When Colton Smith became an Army Ranger, it wasn’t to fight tigers or even terrorists. Colton merely wanted to escape the confines of the Iowa cornfields. After 2 combat deployments, he got his wish and was assigned to the Pentagon to – get this – escort congressmen and congresswomen on overseas trips. Colton has been to 24 countries in his congressional duties and other than the dread of having to spend time with career politicians; he has been able to dedicate a great sum of time and focus on his MMA career.

With a 6-1 amateur record and currently 2-0 in his pro career, Colton has a won his last four fights in the first round by rear-naked-choke. Colton explains that choking out opponents isn’t the only thing he likes to choke. There’s also this thing that he has…um…never mind. The only thing that Colton has a hard time not choking out is the plethora of liberal tree-huggers he tends to run into in the greater DC area. Colton also has secret superpowers, wears Superman Underoos and has accepted the mission to stomp out the “Occupy” movement by luring them away with his incredible dance moves and his mesmerizingly, surgically enhanced, perfectly-shaped…ass. Wait, did I just say that?

Colton was once arrested for fighting. That in itself really isn’t that interesting, but when you add that he was dressed as a dead Osama bin Laden and he was fighting a bunch of Russians in an Irish Pub in Germany, it paints the term “keeping up foreign relations” in a whole new light.

If Colton’s opponents ever want an edge in a fight all they have to do is douse themselves in olive juice. Colton has an unnatural fear of olives; they are kind of like his Kryptonite. Don’t ever drink a dry martini with an olive near him or you are likely to end up being choked out; and for God’s sake don’t put one on the end of your finger and point it at him.

Please welcome Colton Smith to Team Rhino. Ranger Up has actually sponsored him for 4 fights now, but we’ve been in a drunken haze for the last two years and lost track of the time.

Comments

comments

6 Comments

  1. Jeremy lambert

    November 1, 2011 at 11:54 am

    Im actually a good friend of colton’s, I went through basic training with him but I have lost his number and have been unable to contact him for a while now.. If anyone could hook me up with his phone number or email address that would be great. Thanks

    • Rob

      November 2, 2011 at 6:17 am

      Jeremy – Send an email with your contact information to customerservice@rangerup.com I will make sure that Colton gets it.

    • MMA.beats

      October 9, 2012 at 2:19 pm

      he is on twitter @ColtonSmithMMA

  2. Robert "Tommy" Thompson

    November 5, 2011 at 4:36 am

    I always knew u would make it big Smith. Keep it up.

    “Tommy” Thompson

  3. Mike "RedBeard" Wilson

    September 23, 2012 at 11:43 am

    Olives, haha, I’ll remember that, good luck bro

  4. The Panhandle's MMA

    March 5, 2013 at 10:00 pm

    We are an MMA gym in Scottsbluff, NE. How would we contact Colton to discuss about possibly doing a seminar?

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