By RU Special Guest Dallas Dunn Attending a job fair soon?...
Meet Colton Smith
When Colton Smith became an Army Ranger, it wasn’t to fight tigers or even terrorists. Colton merely wanted to escape the confines of the Iowa cornfields. After 2 combat deployments, he got his wish and was assigned to the Pentagon to – get this – escort congressmen and congresswomen on overseas trips. Colton has been to 24 countries in his congressional duties and other than the dread of having to spend time with career politicians; he has been able to dedicate a great sum of time and focus on his MMA career.
With a 6-1 amateur record and currently 2-0 in his pro career, Colton has a won his last four fights in the first round by rear-naked-choke. Colton explains that choking out opponents isn’t the only thing he likes to choke. There’s also this thing that he has…um…never mind. The only thing that Colton has a hard time not choking out is the plethora of liberal tree-huggers he tends to run into in the greater DC area. Colton also has secret superpowers, wears Superman Underoos and has accepted the mission to stomp out the “Occupy” movement by luring them away with his incredible dance moves and his mesmerizingly, surgically enhanced, perfectly-shaped…ass. Wait, did I just say that?
Colton was once arrested for fighting. That in itself really isn’t that interesting, but when you add that he was dressed as a dead Osama bin Laden and he was fighting a bunch of Russians in an Irish Pub in Germany, it paints the term “keeping up foreign relations” in a whole new light.
If Colton’s opponents ever want an edge in a fight all they have to do is douse themselves in olive juice. Colton has an unnatural fear of olives; they are kind of like his Kryptonite. Don’t ever drink a dry martini with an olive near him or you are likely to end up being choked out; and for God’s sake don’t put one on the end of your finger and point it at him.
Please welcome Colton Smith to Team Rhino. Ranger Up has actually sponsored him for 4 fights now, but we’ve been in a drunken haze for the last two years and lost track of the time.