Life’s Little Twinkie Gauge

By Mad Medic

This last week on Army bases across the country there were tons of POGs that wept bitter tears. The Twinkie, Ding Dong, Ho Ho‘s, and so many other fatty confections will probably no longer be made. Anyone who had a job with that company can rest assured that if they are made again they probably won’t be made in America. It seems almost comical as the “one food that would survive nuclear war” will not survive this economy.

What’s even more comical is that Hostess really did try to save itself from bankruptcy. They went to their union, which had an iron contract with the company, which nothing short of bankruptcy or an order from a judge (good luck on that one) could break. The management team at Hostess asked for an entirely reasonable 5% cut in employee pay so they could stay in business. In the big scheme of things 5% is pretty small compared to what some people are getting these days.

But rather than do the smart thing and say “yeah these guys are hurting and if we don’t take the cut, they may not last” the union bosses decided to say “screw you guys, we want our money”. So rather than take a measly 5% pay cut, these workers are taking a 100% pay cut. In a time when jobs are like a fresh roll of toilet paper at the end of a month long field op, why the hell would anyone not do everything they could to keep a company alive?

I have come to realize that there is a belief that somehow “rich” people have loads of money to spare. That they’re hoarding it and this is not “fair” to the rest of us slobs who have to break our backs to get it. I have come to realize that in this day in age people cannot see why that simple mindset is wrong, or why that idea is screwing the entire country.

Nick Palmisciano founded Ranger Up, with little more than an idea and some start up capitol. Can anyone seriously say that he hasn’t earned his position as CEO, and the perks that come with it? Ranger Up does well, and  is extremely popular with the military crowd, but the simple fact is that they have also created a number of jobs, and for such a small firm have done remarkably well. He’s even helped  former employees start up firms of their own, and every day they are earning their own money.

When did we get away from the idea that success was a good thing? That the team pulling ahead was more important than what you’ve got coming to you? Hostess might have been saved had people said “hey, I need this job, stop screwing around and keep these doors open”. From Papa Johns to Denny’s to the Doc-in-a-Box (General Practice Doctors) we all are going to have to make unpleasant sacrifices to keep things going, but sacrifices need to be made, or yet more companies will close down and jobs get shipped overseas.

Not all of us will found a business. Most of us will not win the lottery or become professional sports stars. I like to think that I sing great in the shower, which doesn’t mean I won’t make people’s ears bleed if I do it on a stage. I’m not even that great of a writer (trust me, Rob gives me a ton of shit for grammar and spelling), but I will use what talents I have to the best of my abilities and earn every dollar I make. If I get rich somewhere along the way, out-STANDING! I’ll be able to look myself in the mirror and say with pride I earned every penny.

Hard times are coming. As one character in a VERY good zombie movie said, “It’s time to Nut Up or Shut Up.” Ask yourself honestly, if you get ahead for a short time by screwing everyone else (including yourself) in the long run, what good is that going to do? No one owes you a damned thing. Even getting a good job is a blessing. Don’t bitch if you’ve got a shitty job, trust me it could be worse. You could be pulling security on some COP in the middle of Asscrackistan.

As a man once said, “Believe it or not, Twinkies DO have an expiration date. Someday very soon, life’s little Twinkie gauge is going to go . . . empty” and thanks to the really bad choices of the Union bosses and Hostess managers, that day didn’t even take a zombie apocalypse. Now that Twinkie boxes are going for $50 a pop on eBay, I’m sure that there are many S-4 shops out there that will be even harder to bribe. Start looking for some other form of fatty POGie bait that you can get shipped to you.

8 Comments

1. 

   Christopher Barnes

   November 19, 2012 at 12:05 pm

   That’s not 100% accurate. About a dozen CEO’s received 80% pay increases last year, if they’re hurting so bad why would the top receive pay increases while the bottom is forced to take a pay cut? Just like in the military you cannot ask of your subordinates what you aren’t willing to do yourself. As for the measly 5% pay cut, that wasn’t all they were asked to give up, there was a 17% reduction in medical benefits as well as a 75% reduction in what the company contributed to their pensions. But seeing as it is a profitable product, there will always be a sufficient demand for the creme filled, fat delivery mechanism known as the Twinkie, so no need to run to the store to stock up on it. Some company will purchase the name and recipe and continue making the delicious $68,000,000 a year Doomsday Preppers snack of choice.

   Reply
   • 

     RU Nick

     November 19, 2012 at 2:22 pm

     Mr. Barnes,

     I understand your sentiment, and there are a lot of situations where CEOs are given exorbitant compensation by their boards for what many would argue is average, or even poor, performance. The issue there is a weak board and shareholders willing to retain them despite these failings.

     In the instance of Hostess, the company has a cost structure, largely due to the enormous cost of pensions, that prohibits profitability. Yes, the union had to give up a lot, but they were also gaining an ownership stake, and if the corporation turned around, there is inherent benefit in that. It’s a win-win.

     The current most likely course of action is that Hostess’s assets will be bought by a Mexican firm that will escape the “U.S. protecting” tariff on sugar, and every single one of these employees will be out of a job permanently. Simultaneously, any portion of their pensions funded by the firm are gone.

     So the firm is bankrupt, the union workers are jobless and possibly without pensions, and I can’t get a goddam Twinkie.

     Whether you are pro or anti-union, this particular union “done fucked up” in the parlance of my old SAW Gunner.

     Reply
2. 

   Antonio Aguilar

   November 19, 2012 at 3:08 pm

   I agree 90%. I think there are some good examples of CEOs raking in huge salaries and benefits while cutting worker’s pay, but there are more examples of unions essentially trying to take over completely and bleeding the companies dry. They have many, many members in various companies so the union doesn’t hurt that much if they kill one company and lose a few members, they still rake in their dues from all their other blind members while the people who joined them and blindly trusted them to do the right thing and now stuck filling out new job applications and dusting off their resumes.

   Reply
   • 

     Gunship Load

     November 19, 2012 at 7:20 pm

     How many will fill out applications vs. put their hand out for unemployment & welfare?

     Reply
3. 

   Whitey

   November 19, 2012 at 5:22 pm

   Yet another example of how modern labor unions don’t really look after the interests of their members so much as their *BOARD* members…

   Reply
4. 

   Mad Medic

   November 20, 2012 at 4:09 am

   UAW is another example of a Union that nearly drove its company into the ground. While I agree that Unions CAN be good things if companies are being reckless, as they stand currently they are as much a part of the problem as anything else.

   If companies have bad managers, and said managers run the company into the ground, the business world is small enough that they’ll never get another job at anything approaching that level. Personally speaking I think “saving” any company that is not doing something vitally important like say keeping the lights on, should be allowed to fail. Constantly saving companies from themselves is rewarding bad behavior. Also no one will bail out the small firms if they screw the pooch.

   I can’t tell you how many REMFs I bribed with the fucking things. You wanna get your paperwork greased through the PAC office. . . Twinkie. Want to get that supply issue you were supposed to get two weeks ago. . . Twinkie. Want the cooks to cook up something more palatable than K-rats. . . Believe it or not Ho Ho’s. I even knew a few medics that liked ding dongs. . . (yeah that was a pecker checker joke)

   Reply
5. 

   Devon

   November 25, 2012 at 9:02 pm

   Not the whole story. The union did work with the company in 04 when they first filed bankruptcy. They took pay cuts, pension cuts and healthcare cuts. If you make 48k and go down to 38k thats a big ass chunk meanwhile the ceos are getting 30% increases. The healthcare cuts were 110 million per year and the company didnt hold up its funding of pensions, they owed 160 million. Would you trust a company that had already proven itself a lying piece of shit? I get the sentiment, Check out the back story before jumping on the bandwagon. I like this page but sometimes..

   Reply
6. 

   Roy Connelly

   December 6, 2012 at 10:17 am

   Nice one! Thanks for sharing this!

   Reply