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ISAF Drops Candy To Afghan Children, Kills 51
By Rob
Updated: May 30, 2012
Editor’s Note: The Rhino Den has entered into a partnership with the Duffel Blog to bring you all things important that are going on in our military from around the world.
Mazar-i-Sharif, Afghanistan – In a tragic accident earlier today, aircraft belonging to the International Security Assistance Force (ISAF) inadvertently killed 51 Afghans today near the city of Mazar-i-Sharif while attempting to drop candy to a group of children.
According to accounts from both Afghans and international observers, two NATO aircraft, later identified as American C-130s, made a low pass over a village of several hundred Afghans outside the city.
Approximately 1.4 million M&Ms were to be delivered via Container Delivery System in a single package with a weight of 1500 lbs. Due to a malfunction in the static line, the parachute failed to deploy and the container crashed through the roof of a local school at nearly 100 miles per hour.
Upon impact, the force of the rapidly settling candies caused the sides to explode outward, causing what physics professor Dr. Rosella Schwartz described as, “essentially a 360 degree anti-personnel mine full of chocolate flechettes.”
By “flechettes”, Schwartz is referring to the M&Ms’ candy shells, which shattered and spalled upon entering the bodies of the victims and also caused more numerous and severe secondary injuries.
Dr. Manuel Velez of the Red Cross, one of the first medical personnel at the site of the impact, had a similar assessment of the candy shells’ damage.
“I’ve seen a lot of injuries inflicted on civilians by military ordnance, but this was much worse,” Velez said, stooping to change the bandages on one of the victims while pointing out the many blue, green, and yellow splotches.
“The worst were the peanut M&Ms. The soft chocolate acted as a sabot around the peanuts, so basically these things were candy-coated penetrator rounds.”…
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Billy bad ass
May 30, 2012 at 9:05 am
This is to fresking unreal who knew m&ms are a dang claymore bomb
danny
September 26, 2012 at 3:01 pm
you guys are all stupid for believing this shit lol. It’s a joke…not a very funny one, but a joke! Just like all Americans are.
Gary
May 30, 2012 at 10:25 am
Just wow… I… Just wow…
What do you say about an article like that?
Sarah
May 31, 2012 at 9:08 am
Exactly. I get reporting on it, but writing it without tact and like it’s a story from The Onion is so distasteful. People died, a lot, and many were children. It is not the time for creative writing.
Aaron
June 2, 2012 at 4:33 pm
Seriously? This is satire. . . . . . its not real. . . . .
Smokey Behr
May 30, 2012 at 10:49 am
I love the Duffel Blog. It’s the MilSpec version of The Onion.
Shane
May 30, 2012 at 11:35 am
I peed a little….bwahahahahahaha
Ben
May 30, 2012 at 11:43 am
Okay… timeout. This was done through the duffel blog, which is military satire. I’m usually a fan of their writing… but this one seems particularly rough if this is indeed satire. If this is a real story, thats a true shame. If satire… poor taste guys.
Rick
May 30, 2012 at 11:57 am
LMAO see sugar will kill you!
Alden Brennan
May 30, 2012 at 12:15 pm
This gives new meaning to “killing them with kindness”
wobly
May 30, 2012 at 12:43 pm
This should be posted on 1 April. I doubt a Red Cross doctor would refer to something as a “candy-coated penetrator round”.
thor
May 30, 2012 at 2:01 pm
Note to self- Cancel giant jawbreaker delivery. Instate operation “Fluffy Marshmallow Drop”
Afgnh8r
May 30, 2012 at 2:25 pm
Ummmmmm…. Awesome.
Richey
May 30, 2012 at 3:33 pm
Uhhhh, I dont know whether or not to laugh or be sad… Civilains died but M&M’s… Really? Im laughing in disbelief
Wootly
May 30, 2012 at 4:52 pm
This is so freaking unreal.
Sounds like the plot of a typical Cyanide & Happiness strip.
Rick
May 30, 2012 at 6:16 pm
This story was based on a true event that occurred during the early years of the Afghan occupation.
The military dropped MRE’s on a small village at very low altitude. Instead of using a parachute they simply hurled individual packets out of helicopters and called it a successful mission.
Initial responses by the afghans in the village were that they thought they were being attacked, with loud thumps on their roofs which made children scream and cry in terror.
After that debacle the military decided to simply hand them out or just drop them off on the ground and allow the locals to break up the pallets by hand.
AliloH
May 31, 2012 at 9:18 am
Fake ?
Jimbo
May 31, 2012 at 9:44 am
51 less insurgents in the making. We should work on chocolate JDAMs!
Rob
May 31, 2012 at 10:16 am
Hmmm, gives me an idea for version 3.2 of my spud cannon. Wonder what hard candy fits best into 1/2″ pvc?
runninggun1988
June 5, 2012 at 1:54 pm
Giant jaw breakers, of course.
wingnut
September 26, 2012 at 4:35 pm
frozen Rollos, man!! mush one end of a roll of em into a cone for better aerodynamics
tim
May 31, 2012 at 11:30 am
Gives new meaning to death by chocolate… How do you put that bullet on an NCOER? If true, this is seriously awful…
john
May 31, 2012 at 2:00 pm
People…. if you cared to click on the Duffle Bag link and read the whole story you will clearly see this is 100% satire. Very funny and witty writing.
Erik
May 31, 2012 at 2:24 pm
It’s satire people, come on.
NameWill
May 31, 2012 at 3:18 pm
This is why the military should not drop any civilian treats or supplies. Let the Red Cross hand them out in person or better yet OBAMA. That’s something he should be good at.
Albert Head
May 31, 2012 at 3:55 pm
This is inane drivel and entirely untrue. If it were true it would be international news. Not a single mention of this is made in any reputable news agency anywhere in the world. It is bogus, made-up nonsense!
Absolute garbage. Anyone who believes this is an idiot. By the way, evry dip-shit cock-up in A’stan by idiots was made by Americans while I was there, yet they alwars said it was an “ISAF” mistake. I guarantee, if the “mistake” had been the French, Brits, Canadians, etc, the US would have let it be known as such. Wankers!
mike
May 31, 2012 at 4:20 pm
Puts a whole new meaning on “Death by Chocolate”
Scott
May 31, 2012 at 4:48 pm
For the folks apparently really gnashing teeth and wearing sackcloth over the “tragedy”…dudes, this is a PARODY website. It is called SATIRE. If you went to school in the Allendale County (SC) public school system, it could be called “makin’ a funny.” You know, a “joke?”
Good grief, do you think we actually airdrop massive pallets of M&M’s? All the more proof of “we are the .45%!”
Jeff
May 31, 2012 at 5:41 pm
In other news DARPA has combined forces with MARS inc. to engage in research related to a new weapons system.
Mark
June 1, 2012 at 6:33 am
Who cares their afghans they deserve it anyways.
Should have dropped a bomb on that school anyways since their just going to grow up to kill americans anyways, that is not a free country dont kid yourself, while on tour over there, the afghans refused to fly american flags on their homes as a sign that they believed in freedom.
you are a sick person! get help
June 13, 2012 at 3:10 pm
you are sick and obviously havent realised just how sick you are……there is help for you
Amanda
June 1, 2012 at 10:22 am
This is tragic !! First of all to all the children and families affected. Secondly why in the world are we spending that much money airdropping M&Ms?
blogmando
June 1, 2012 at 8:49 pm
I guess they melt in your mouth and the back of your head…
JackMiHauff
June 4, 2012 at 11:47 pm
haha.. if anyone thought this was real.. your retarded.
Sincerely,
The Rest of the World
sean
June 5, 2012 at 11:29 am
Im in Mazar-I-Sharif and it’s the funniest thing I’ve read all year long. Ive got to go pee now.
runninggun1988
June 5, 2012 at 1:26 pm
Wait till they get a load of the new Snickers DPICM!!
if you know the physics you know its a bomb..!!!!!!!!!!1parachute failed hey...very suspect
June 13, 2012 at 3:06 pm
if you know the physics you know its a bomb..!!!!!!!!!!1parachute failed hey…very suspect
ezekiel
June 20, 2012 at 11:16 am
i just giggled a little.