By Kelly Crigger “Major Babyface thinks he can belt lift more...
I Didn’t Know I Was Pregnant- Helmand Province Edition
By RU Contributor Madeline Monday
So no shit there I was, reading about the Taliban attacks on Camp Bastion in the last few weeks, when I almost missed this little gem of a story.
Apparently a female British soldier gave birth TLC style, claiming she didn’t know she was pregnant. According to the Daily Mail “She was in the 34th week of her pregnancy, meaning she conceived before flying to Afghanistan for her six-month tour of duty.”
Now at first I was a little confused by this. One of the little nuisances of being a soldier with lady bits, is that you get the impression your command has a pool going on when you are going to get knocked up, because you are constantly taking pregnancy tests. At MEPS, reception, basic, AIT, Airborne School, jumps, 20k’s, field exercises, and anytime you get within 100 meters of a TMC someone is demanding proof you have a bunless oven. Last deployment, I took three during the weeks of SRC with a final one the day we went wheels up. Was it over? Nope! One more in Kuwait for good measure.
Well I wonder if the Brits are this obsessive? No! They don’t even give a pregnancy test prior to deployment! Are you kidding me? Ladies, screw your command; any woman who has had any sex for 38 weeks prior to her deployment day should treat herself to an EPT before taking off to one of the lovely shit holes NATO likes to have it’s get-togethers in.
As female soldier, the only thing that pisses me off more than when another female gets knocked up to get out of deployment, is when they get pregnant on deployment. Trust me I have seen my share. My first unit was just covered in Y chromosomes, but my last one had a nice respectful number, 7, of young ladies in it. I was picturing how nice it would be to have a nice tent that didn’t smell like ballsacks and conversations that weren’t all about masturbation. Till deployment orders showed up and they started dropping like flies, we left with 4 and lost another 2 to mommyhood along the way. So I spent yet another year listening to jack off jokes while I wondered what the fuck that smell was.
I don’t get it.. I have seen babies and quite frankly there is no way getting out of a deployment is worth one of those things! You are better off just shooting yourself in the foot. At least that doesn’t stick with you 18 years and you can still drink.
As for these “I didn’t know I was preggos” and “it was an accident” chicks, well…. fuck you retard! As of last week I have had a uterus for 31 years and it has NEVER once just freaked out and malfunctioned. In fact my understanding is that uteri require a very specific and teamwork heavy order of operations to make a baby and we have come up with many ways to hinder the process.
I am not stupid enough or naïve enough to suggest to anyone “just don’t have sex”. My husband was on my last deployment with me, and trust me you can have sex down range with out coming home with a new dependent for the folks over at DEERS. What it does require is you have some fucking accountability and responsibility! If you are going to have sex, and you don’t want to get pregnant, because you know you…..you are in a fucking WAR ZONE, be on birth control and use a condom! Its not that hard!
By getting pregnant down range, a soldier is not only endangering the life of her baby (way to go Mom), but they are fucking their buddies over. Everyone else’s workload, shifts, patrols and risk all increase because she goes home. Not to mention the wasted money and training resources, that went into the soldier getting ready for the deployment.
On a selfish little note: then the other females who do their jobs, go on their deployments, keep positive control of their vaginas, and don’t get knocked up have to sit around and listen to the guys bitch about how it is bullshit and women are ruining the Army!
Look, the world needs to be peopled and I am all about soldiers becoming parents and sharing the experiences they have with next generation. However, we are at war and soldiers have a responsibility to put duty first and that includes coming before having a baby. One of things I learned downrange, is that American women are so lucky to have the control and freedom over reproduction that we do, it is something that should be cherished and honored. If you want choose to become mother it damn well shouldn’t be to get out of a deployment or because you were just being stupid one night. You owe that to the military and more importantly you owe that to your children.