RTFU

Holiday Safety Briefing

By
Updated: November 27, 2013

The long holiday weekend starts tonight after final formation and there will undoubtedly be a safety briefing prior to dismissal.  I have had the pleasure of hearing some dandy safety briefings during my time.   So what are your favorite quotes?  Let’s create our own safety briefing here.  Leave a comment below and I will throw a couple of shirts out to the funniest, most creative ones posted (make sure you leave a good email address, it won’t be shown publicly).

Have a great Thanksgiving  folks, be safe and please take a moment to remember those who have fallen.   Please take a moment to remember the typhoon stricken people of the Philippines and tornado ravaged Illinois this weekend and also the brave members of Team Rubicon who are continuing their service to this great country.  If you would like to donate to Team Rubicon and the mission in Washington, IL you can click here.

 

-RU Rob

Comments

comments

98 Comments

  1. Greg

    May 23, 2013 at 8:18 am

    CPT. Ward – “When you go out to the bars this weekend you will NOT seek out Janey Rotten-Crotch!”
    SPC. Smith – “What about the Females sir?”
    CPT. Ward – ” FEMALES! You will not seek out JOHNNY Rotten-Crotch! He’s as bad as his sister.”

  2. joshua sheptock

    May 23, 2013 at 8:35 am

    Paratroopers, if you can’t fry it don’t eat it. .. if it’s not a straw don’t suck it. .. an last but not least if it’s not a lollipop don’t lick it.

  3. Bartholomew (Zeke) Misiaszek

    May 23, 2013 at 8:36 am

    If a tree falls in the forest and no one is around, does it make a sound? Now if that tree had a battle-buddy, we wouldn’t be having this conversation. – Best safety brief line I ever heard.

  4. Ian Ritzel

    May 23, 2013 at 8:37 am

    Remember if anyone gets a DUI please choke yourself out, so the rest of us won’t have to when you ruine our long weekend

  5. Trevor

    May 23, 2013 at 8:40 am

    One they used to say @ Ft. Bragg NCO Academy before releasing on weekends “Call home, before you go home”

  6. Chris

    May 23, 2013 at 8:40 am

    If you are going to use a ladder, ensure you have a stable base.

  7. Zachary Hess

    May 23, 2013 at 8:40 am

    If it’s warm, wet and not yours, don’t touch it. I’m certain one of you tards will bag a whale of a woman, it’s statistics. Just remember to wear your Kevlar into battle, I’m not ready to see your demon seed.

  8. Caleb

    May 23, 2013 at 8:49 am

    “If you’re going to be stupid, be responsibly stupid.” and “Don’t multitask.” Are my two favorites from my command group.

  9. Russ

    May 23, 2013 at 8:52 am

    On one particular long weekend instead of putting out your normal everyday safety brief Top gave a class over the functions/uses of an article 15. Before releasing the company he said “should you fuck up, you’ll be standing in front of my desk giving me this class before I take your money, Have a good weekend boys”

  10. matt

    May 23, 2013 at 8:52 am

    Do what your career can handle.

  11. Nelson

    May 23, 2013 at 8:53 am

    1SG during OBC every Friday that happened to occur on the 1st or 15th of each month (payday). “Alright Lieutenants, it’s Friday and payday! Who comes out on Payday? That’s right the weedman comes out on payday. The weedman sells weed! Stay away from the weedman.

  12. Erik TEster

    May 23, 2013 at 8:53 am

    One of the best quotes in a safety brief was delivered by CPT Greggory Sierra. He was my company commander in 1998. He said:
    “Don’t hit your wife this weekend. Or your kids. Any man that hits his wife or kids is a fucking coward. If you feel the need to hit someone, you call me. You can hit me and we’ll see how that works out for you.”

  13. Paul

    May 23, 2013 at 8:55 am

    “If it’s warm and wet and doesn’t belong to you…leave it alone.”

    and

    “If the thought of doing something makes you laugh for more than 5 seconds…you are to assume that you are NOT allowed to do it”

  14. Nick

    May 23, 2013 at 8:56 am

    Safety brief before Spring Break to my ROTC company

    A Co,

    Since PT on Friday got cancelled, here’s your safety brief for Spring break.

    All the usual things. We got a long week so make sure to remember to be safe throughout it.
    Wrap it up, especially if you’re going someplace exotic. We don’t need you coming back with some kind of flesh-eating venereal disease that mysteriously gets spread through the entire company or getting a call in a few months that you impregnated a native and the local government is looking for you.
    Along those lines, please abide by the laws of the place that you are going. If we need to start a war with a country to get you back, due to the sequester we won’t even get any extra contracts, so don’t even try it. Also, make sure your chain of command knows where you’re going, and it might seem extreme, but knowing the number for the nearest US embassy may not be a bad idea.
    If you’re staying in the States, the same applies. Wrap it up, don’t do anything illegal. If you’re under 21 don’t drink, and if you’re over 21 drink responsibly. St. Patrick’s day is coming around, so make sure you have a plan. In general, have a plan and a back up plan.
    Most importantly, just don’t be stupid. If it seems like a bad idea, it probably is. Perhaps the best way to be not-stupid is to have a buddy with you. Odds are, if you’re going to do something stupid, they will probably try to talk you out of it.
    A final word of advice: A good friend will bail you out of jail, but a battle-buddy will pull security so you don’t get caught in the first place.
    And on that note, I hope everyone has a fun, safe and relaxing break,
    -Cadet C

  15. Jason Meadows

    May 23, 2013 at 8:58 am

    I had a company commander (now a Brigadier General) that used to say, “I you can’t wash it off, show it off, or share it with your friends, DON’T BRING IT HOME!”

  16. Aaron Churchill

    May 23, 2013 at 8:59 am

    I always get the classic, “Don’t add or subtract to the population”.

  17. Chris

    May 23, 2013 at 9:02 am

    “Wrap it before you tap it, because chlamydia burns and there are enough of you knuckle-fuckers walking around on my grass already.”

  18. JoeC

    May 23, 2013 at 9:03 am

    “Safety is paramount!” Has been the battle cry for every briefing I’ve had for several years. You can’t escape this phrase. Like hell it is. If it was we wouldn’t be here. The mission is paramount and everybody knows that it comes first. But everybody that stands up for a briefing always thinks their part of the briefing is the most important thing you will hear that day.

  19. Ben

    May 23, 2013 at 9:04 am

    Men, you can either go the prevention route or you can be dumb and go the treatment route. Doc has a big ass needle. Wrap your damn weapon.

  20. Mack

    May 23, 2013 at 9:04 am

    “If you bought it, don’t eat it,”
    It’s almost 1SG’s catch phrase. Another favorite of mine is “If you’re going to drive drunk, you may as well rip off your dick, slap it on a tree stump and beat it with a tack hammer, because that’s what I’ll do when I find out.”

  21. Mack

    May 23, 2013 at 9:06 am

    If you bought it, don’t eat it.

  22. Matt Bolden

    May 23, 2013 at 9:06 am

    Good ‘ol SFC Sterner at Ft. Bragg:

    Hey meatheads, don’t drink and drive. Don’t have unprotected sex. Hell, don’t drink and have sex because you’ll forget and have unprotected sex. Don’t drive and have sex either…. Lets just go ahead and say it… If you’re below the rank of corporal, you’re confined to the barracks until you’re promoted.

    The guy was a comedian, but a great PSG.

  23. Phil

    May 23, 2013 at 9:10 am

    “Listen up, fuckheads, normally I’d give you all a laundry list of shit not to do, in some sort of insane form of hope that, just once, I wouldn’t have to bail any of you out of jail or see you getting your bore punched at the BAS come Monday. But you all have been eating double rations worth of retard sandwiches this week, I’m going to keep it simple- don’t smoke rock, and don’t smoke pole.”

  24. Kevin Carter

    May 23, 2013 at 9:16 am

    Had a 1sgt in Germany who’s whole safety briefing follows:

    Don’t shoot no dope
    Don’t snort no coke
    Don’t smoke no Grass
    If you are gonna love wear a glove!
    Don’t drink and drive!
    Peace out!

  25. Mike H

    May 23, 2013 at 9:24 am

    1sgt- “so that’s all I have for my safety briefing, does anyone have anything else to add? ”

    ssg Smith – “yeah! Don’t masterbate with a cheese grater! “

  26. Geoff

    May 23, 2013 at 9:29 am

    @ 82nd. “Men, it’s been 80 days and no deaths! If you die this weekend, don’t let anyone find your body. Why you ask, because if you cause the division to lose another 3 day, I will personally whoop your dead ass then Article 15 you for being stupid”

  27. Jason Ryder

    May 23, 2013 at 9:38 am

    Remember, we can probably cure it, unless it starts with the letter “H”. Then you;re just fucked.

  28. Chad L

    May 23, 2013 at 9:43 am

    My favorite one was from our squadron XO. ” If you see a burning dog, what are you gonna do? Don’t pet the damn burning dog. Don’t feed the burning dog. And sure as hell don’t ride the burning dog. Leave it alone.”

  29. JH

    May 23, 2013 at 9:44 am

    “When passing an officer while off duty do not render a salute and follow it with ‘Leg officers give good head sir’.
    …if the previous scenario does occur, try your hardest not to be wearing a shirt that says ‘open your mouth or I’ll shoot it in your eye.”

  30. Chas Belfield

    May 23, 2013 at 9:51 am

    My old platoon sergeant once gave the following
    “Does everyone know the definition of stupid? Good. Don’t do it. Safety brief complete.”

  31. SSgt Baker

    May 23, 2013 at 9:51 am

    “If you’re going to the jungle, bring a poncho. If you want to stay up all night hootin’ with the owls, you better be ready to soar with the eagles in the morning!”

  32. Steve McCane

    May 23, 2013 at 9:54 am

    Don’t Drive And Swim.

    Don’t Chuck Rocks At One Another.

    If you’re Gonna Drink, Wear A Rubber.

  33. Josh Lott

    May 23, 2013 at 9:59 am

    One of my first sergeants at Ft. Bragg said this to his formation: “If you decide to ruin your life and date strippers and do cocaine, be a man and do all the blow in the world off the strippers ass. Then call me and I’ll come and end your career.”

    Also from the same guy: “If you pick her up at the bar and she takes you home and there are pictures of scruffy looking guys in far off lands, run away. If you don’t, I will get a call, and then I will have to kill you.”

  34. Josh

    May 23, 2013 at 10:06 am

    When I was training in Bragg my first sergeant said to our formation “If your going to be dumb, date strippers and do cocaine, then go out like a man, and do all the blow in the world off the strippers ass. Then call me, and I’ll bail you out, and ruin your career.”

  35. ET1(SS) Princess

    May 23, 2013 at 11:26 am

    -Port Call: Balboa Panama, Panama Canal, Pacific side.

    XO Farah: “I have never been to Panama before. If any of you sonsabitches fuck this up for me I will personally keel haul your ass through the canal and back to the Atlantic!!”

    I would follow that man into hell. Best XO ever.

  36. William

    May 23, 2013 at 11:35 am

    For all of you that are Airborne qualified are you going to jump on a red light? No you’re not. Make sure you get consent. And I know all of you have been to the range at some point. If you get a cease fire are you going to keep shooting? No you’re not. You will put your weapon on safe and wait for further commands from the tower. If she says stop you stop and wait for her to tell you to move your selector switch from safe to semi and engage the target.

  37. leftoftheboom

    May 23, 2013 at 11:54 am

    “Where are my motorcycle riders? Okay you guys need to pick which one of you ain’t coming back this weekend and make sure your SGLI and DD93 updated. We always have one of you dickheads kill yourselves showing off so this weekend I want to be proactive. So who’s it going to be?”

    • leftoftheboom

      May 23, 2013 at 1:23 pm

      PSG holds up a picture..”This is the Brigade Commander’s Daughter. If you see her, LEAVE, or you can imagine what having him for a father-in-law looks like, if he lets you live.”

      Safety Brief in Iraq for folks who wanted to convoy to see Toby Keith,
      “Each of you fill out this form.”
      Dear Mom,
      We got free tickets to see Toby Keith! But I died/was wounded because of a IED while being on the road when I did not have a valid mission. But the Tickets were free.

      P.S. John died/ was wounded too because he had to fill out the crew. He likes rap and did not want to go.

      Your loving son/daughter

      No one left the FOB.

  38. SSG Vance, DL

    May 23, 2013 at 12:04 pm

    From my 1st SGT back in 3/7…

    “listen up gents. If you drive dont drink, if you drink dont drive. If you use it, wrap it. If she’s married, stick and move. That is all.”

    Semper Fi, Top!

  39. Paul

    May 23, 2013 at 12:08 pm

    If you drink and drive, drive fast to minimize exposure time

  40. Scott V.

    May 23, 2013 at 12:08 pm

    Drinking, driving, sex, and swimming…don’t do two at once.

  41. Steve Malbasa

    May 23, 2013 at 12:17 pm

    “If you go swimming, be sure to wear a rubber. If you have sex, have sex with a partner.”

    RIP SFC Balcombe, you are gone but not forgotten.

  42. David Larry

    May 23, 2013 at 12:18 pm

    “Don’t sweat the petty things and for God sakes don’t pet the sweaty things”

  43. Anthony Snow

    May 23, 2013 at 12:27 pm

    I heard both of these in my first safety brief in my first unit.

    “Always have a battle buddy to back you up in a bar fight, and I shouldn’t HAVE to say this, but after recent events, I have no choice – a lead pipe you rip off the wall in the alley is NOT your battle.”

    “And stop going home with the same 5 women at the Irish Pub….Mac, I saw you count to five back there.”

  44. Jeremiah

    May 23, 2013 at 12:28 pm

    “I am not going to ask you guys not to be stupid, that is an impossibility. I am going to ask you guys to do three things, don’t do anything above a misdemeanor, don’t do anything that will require a doc to be seen by anyone, and don’t get caught doing anything you’re not supposed to. As long as you follow these guidelines we’re good, if not you are mine.” Said this to my Boy Scouts, they think of me two ways, awesome guy to have on your side, crappy guy to have against you. I am a little (read: alot) scary, so it worked.

    • Jeremiah

      May 23, 2013 at 1:18 pm

      It should be noted that whether I have said this at summer camp when they had a lot of extra time to themselves (there were about 5 troops of all female Venture Crews at camp) or just around, there always seemed to be strange rips and stains in their clothing, none white, thank God. When I asked what they were doing when they got those scratches, etc. I heard the words “Uh, well..” and I told them that they were playing capture the flag. They just said yeah to me. I don’t even want to know.

  45. JG

    May 23, 2013 at 1:10 pm

    1. Don’t let your dumbass circuit breaker trip.
    2. Stick it on before you stick it in.
    3. Don’t be a FuckTard.

  46. Gilliam

    May 23, 2013 at 2:47 pm

    “Don’t beat your wife, scream at your kids or kick your dog. Beat you neighbors wife, that’s only assault not domestic violence, which apparently in the eyes of the law isn’t as bad. Yell at you neighbors kids because they are probably fucking up your stuff and thinking they are getting away with it. And kick your neighbors dog because more than likely its shitting in your yard too because of that prick neighbors wife.”

  47. Clayton

    May 23, 2013 at 4:38 pm

    Remember the four hit rule:
    1. Don’t hit your pets
    2. Don’t hit your kids
    3. Don’t hit your spouse
    4. If your neighbor’s spouse asks you to hit it, DON’T!

  48. Dave

    May 23, 2013 at 5:17 pm

    Don’t drive 110 mph down Bragg BLVD while snorting a line of coke off a strippers ass with a fifth of Jack in the other hand and your beret and uniform clearly visible to the webcam on your dash. And if you must, wear your seatbelt.

  49. Joe Fearn

    May 23, 2013 at 7:30 pm

    “Stay safe, and watch out for each other on liberty. Now count off in 3’s and pair up.”

  50. Jason

    May 23, 2013 at 8:49 pm

    Don’t be silly, wrap your willy !!

  51. James

    May 23, 2013 at 8:51 pm

    We don’t jump without a parachute so don’t plug it without a condom. If you need one come see me. I’m Captain Condom. Said by then CPT Michael Braun

  52. Matt

    May 23, 2013 at 11:09 pm

    Fire is hot and gas explodes. Don’t do dumb shit while BBQing.

  53. Benjamin Rothman

    May 24, 2013 at 9:27 am

    From 1SG Justice, 4/64 Armor, 3ID back in ’97. Shortest and sweetest safety brief ever.

    “Don’t do stupid shit.”

    I use it to this day.

  54. Daniel McKenzie

    May 24, 2013 at 9:58 am

    Have a safe weekend. For you single guys, if your plans include going downtown, getting shit-faced, blowing your whole paycheck & banging some skank, let me save you some time. Beat your head against a wall, slam your dick in a door, and give your money to me. You’ll feel the same way come Tuesday morning. If you do choose to go out, remember, pretty women think they’re doing you a favor and should be grateful. Fatties & uglies KNOW you’re doing THEM a favor, and ARE grateful. Either way, wrap that rascal. You married guys, go home, pet your dog, fuck your wife, play with your kids. If you don’t have a dog, pet your neighbor’s dog. Don’t fuck your neighbors wife or play with his kids. Don’t drink & drive. If you do drink & drive, wait until you are on the back nine, you’ll thank me. That is all.

  55. ryan

    May 24, 2013 at 1:18 pm

    Had a 1sg that used to say. ” don’t do drugs men. That means no happy smoke, no main vein, no uppers no downers, no candy rocks, no black beauties, none of that crazy salt that turns you into a zombie. None of that silly stuff. Got it?”

  56. aaron

    May 24, 2013 at 3:53 pm

    Dont drink and drive while having unprotected sex with a woman who is someone elses wife on the way to a swimming area that doesnt have a lifeguard.

  57. Gunship Load

    May 25, 2013 at 1:14 am

    From my Army days back at Campbell…

    1. “No glove, no love!”

    2. “Do not go to the local ‘Stand and Jab’. Do not get into a fight. If you do get in a fight you better fucking win. If you don’t win, you WILL have another fight to get in, with the JAG.”

  58. Dave

    May 26, 2013 at 2:52 pm

    I heard this one in 2008 while the 1SG was warning us about under age girls…
    …and if she’s wearing a Hannah Montana shirt she is 100% off limits.

  59. chuck

    May 26, 2013 at 8:17 pm

    1. Don’t Be GAY
    2. Don’t Be GAY
    3. Don’t Drink and Drive
    4. Don’t Fuck Your Buddy’s Wife

  60. Jeff

    May 27, 2013 at 9:03 am

    Funny Safety brief tidbits
    – NO does not mean YES. And YES does not mean ANAL.
    – A strip club is like window shopping. You can look but don’t touch.
    – Guys remember: you can fuck a lot of pussies but if you suck one dick your gay for life

  61. JoeC

    November 27, 2013 at 11:05 am

    Before you do anything, I want you to think about how you (or your NOK) are going to feel when we tell your story in a PowerPoint presentation in front of all hands.

  62. Dave

    November 27, 2013 at 2:04 pm

    -Don’t drink and drive
    -Don’t smoke and fly.
    -Don’t beat your kids.
    -Don’t beat your wife/husband.
    -Don’t beat your dog / cat.
    -Don’t get into fights.
    -If you do get into fights, for God’s sake, don’t lose.
    -If you do lose a fight, make sure you lose bad enough that the other guy goes to jail.
    -Wrap your whacker before you attack her.
    -If you don’t know if you’re allowed to do something, assume you’re not.
    -Jesus loves you.

  63. Mike McCoy

    November 27, 2013 at 4:23 pm

    Don’t fry bacon naked.- Sgt. Aron Bull

  64. defensor fortisimo

    November 27, 2013 at 5:54 pm

    Whenever you’re out drinking and driving this weekend, don’t do meth

  65. jeff house

    November 27, 2013 at 7:34 pm

    Don’t go stupid places, with stupid people or do stupid things.

  66. Dallas

    November 27, 2013 at 7:36 pm

    When you’r dead , your dead for a long time and chicks don’t want to fuck that kinda stiffness

  67. Adam

    November 27, 2013 at 7:38 pm

    “If you have to call me; don’t.”

    – First Shirt

  68. Todd

    November 27, 2013 at 8:02 pm

    1SG: Alright men, if you go out, get drunk and wind up in jail, your sorry asses will stay there until Monday! Maybe longer. Don’t try and call me to come bail you out for I too will be partaking in the consumption of alcohol and banging my wife. Now if my wife decides that I should go and bail you out you will wish to God and everything that is Holy that you waited until Monday or never got caught in the first place!

  69. Ben

    November 27, 2013 at 8:03 pm

    “If you bought it, don’t eat it.”

  70. Jerome

    November 27, 2013 at 8:07 pm

    “If you’re going to play hide and seek, take yourself down to CVS and get some hide and seek equipment. If you don’t get your hide and seek equipment, you’ll be back in that same aisle at CVS buying a pregnancy test.” – 1SG Hudson

  71. Ken White

    November 27, 2013 at 8:07 pm

    Once again the long weekend is upon us and I am “obligated” to tell you the following don’t drink and drive, don’t drive and drink, don’t do drugs, don’t hit your wife, your kids or the fucking dog. Now with that being said here is my safety brief DON’T DO DUMB SHIT!!! And for fucks sake wrap your one eyed Ranger in MOPP level 4 before you drop into a hot zone…. SFC Hendricks

  72. T. Morris

    November 27, 2013 at 8:09 pm

    My favorite safety brief still comes from RIP (lame as that is). Short, sweet and to the point.

    “Don’t drink. Don’t do drugs. Don’t fuck fat bitches. Get the fuck out of my sight.”

  73. Becklopedia

    November 27, 2013 at 8:42 pm

    CO: (points at hot girl in short shorts waiting by his car “Listen up D Co. That is my girlfriend. We are going to an all inclusive resort for the four day. We have a bungalow on the beach. All the booze is included and as you can see my girlfriend is [email protected]&king hot. DO NOT do anything stupid that will cause me to have to come back to post and to loose even one second of time alone with that woman. You will regret it. Any questions? Good. 1SG, take charge and dismiss the company.”

  74. Crazy Dave

    November 27, 2013 at 8:47 pm

    Commander- Obey rule #1 and you will be ok. What is rule #1?
    Formation- DON’T DO ANYTHING FUCKING STUPID, SIR!
    Commander- Damn right, get the fuck out of here and enjoy your weekend

    Rember gents it is better to have oysters on the piano than crabs on the organ. If you can’t figure this one out you’re restricted to your barracks room until first formation Monday.

  75. Collin

    November 27, 2013 at 8:48 pm

    Please refrain from fighting with the locals, and starting an international incident, but if you must fight you better fuckin win !!!
    TOP

  76. john

    November 27, 2013 at 9:18 pm

    If you drink, don’t drive. If you drive, don’t drink. AND always remember, wrap it or whack it!

  77. Marc G.

    November 27, 2013 at 9:29 pm

    Top: look to the left and to the right! If the think of something stupid stop them or I will ass fuck your career!

  78. jake

    November 27, 2013 at 9:55 pm

    CPT. C., At the time was acting battalion commander so he was giving the big brief to the whole battalion females included……” don’t fuck guys Goddammit, or I’ll push your fuckin shit in! Don’t drink and drive or I’ll push your shit in, You do anything fuckin stupid I WILL PUSH YOUR GODDAMN SHIT IN!” After that we break off and he gives our company the safety brief and opens up with ” Good lookin out fuckers, not one of you bastards could have reminded me about the females? Now they think I’m gonna rape ’em in the ass! Well been nice being your CO probably have a new one after that one.”

  79. Russ

    November 27, 2013 at 9:56 pm

    If you teach a man to build a fire, he will be warm for a day.
    If you set a man on fire, he will be warm for the rest of his life.
    But don’t fucking set anyone on fire, Rangers.

  80. duane

    November 27, 2013 at 10:07 pm

    “Don’t cook Bacon naked.”

  81. Stephen Leadbeater

    November 27, 2013 at 10:37 pm

    CO Commander, A LT.COL. with a sense of humour…………..

    “It has come to my attention that Every man here should or could be charged with:

    Rape, Robbery, Thuggery, Buggery, Manslaughter, Mayhem and Murder !!

    I am Proud to serve with each and every one of you, Don’t do anything we can’t do together.
    Enjoy your Holiday.

    Warrant Officer !! …Take Charge and Dismiss the Company “

  82. Nick

    November 27, 2013 at 11:32 pm

    Wow, you can really tell the grunts from the POGs, and the older guys from the kinder, gentler military. I hope this will turn into a safety brief video from Rhino.

    1sg Mullins (later SGM Mullins of our sister battalion during the invasion) 172 SIB, Ft. Wainwright, AK:

    “Don’t beat your wife, your kids, or your dog. If you’re gonna do anything, beat your meat.”

    There was more. The guy was hilarious. I have to ask the guys on FB.

  83. Sean

    November 28, 2013 at 12:39 am

    1SG: If you drink…
    Us: don’t drive.

    1SG: If you get in a fight…
    Us: Win!

    1SG: If you go to jail…
    Us: TAKE A BATTLE BUDDY!!!!

  84. Devil doc

    November 28, 2013 at 12:48 am

    As an officer I can attest, If people would stop doing the bad stuff, I would stop having stand downs to tell them not to do the bad stuff.

  85. Shannon Altazan

    November 28, 2013 at 12:57 am

    “If you drink, don’t drive. If you drive, don’t drink. If you drink and drive, don’t call me cause I’m gonna be fucked up too. Be back for Monday morning”

  86. Travis

    November 28, 2013 at 6:23 am

    Remember not to fry you turkey on a wooden deck!

  87. Matt

    November 28, 2013 at 8:36 am

    From my platoon sergeant, the 4 rules of leave…

    1. Don’t drink and drive.

    2. Don’t get anyone pregnant.

    3. If you have to fight, win.

    4. Don’t go to jail. Note that in upholding Rule 3, you cannot break Rule 4.

  88. Jeff

    November 28, 2013 at 8:55 am

    To my all male, all married OBC platoon: “Remember to only have safe sex…and remember that sex with anyone other than your wife is by definition un-safe and hazardous to your health!”.

  89. Kris

    November 28, 2013 at 11:21 am

    Our PLT THE finished our OCS safety brief with this line every time, “most importantly if I see you before next formation and have to acknowledge I know you then you are dead. The world will not be allowed to know I keep audience with dumbness like yourselves, now go away and if you see me then turn around and walk the other direction.

  90. Hunter

    November 28, 2013 at 5:39 pm

    Remember men, there are two kinds of women around Ft. Benning: those that were brought here and those who were left here. So if you want to have a one night rodeo make sure you don’t ride that filly bareback.

  91. 13F

    November 29, 2013 at 11:44 am

    Be safe or the bitch gets a hundred grand.

  92. daniel

    November 29, 2013 at 4:24 pm

    Keep in mind the fact that last time we were here BM3 XXX found a Willie on that fillie giving five dollar blow Jobs at the end of the pier.
    And three of you got mayonnaise shots after banging those twins down at the boom boom room.

  93. Johnny

    December 2, 2013 at 2:23 am

    In regards to practicing safe sex

    “Remember Airborne, don’t jump without a parachute; and when you do jump, make sure it’s in your own drop zone”

    and the classic 1SG line:
    “If you’re an under age drinker raise your hand”
    Always gets a few of the younger guys to raise their hands

  94. chris

    December 5, 2013 at 11:08 am

    Dont fight in bars, but if you do: whip his ass, pop smoke, and scream ‘Semper fi’ as you leave to throw them off your trail.

  95. Jeremy

    December 11, 2013 at 11:50 am

    Remember, Chlamydia is NOT a flower.

  96. Cody

    December 11, 2013 at 12:54 pm

    “When you pick a chick up from the bar, and she drives you to her place, if she turns down Bastogne, you do a PLF outta that car.”
    – 1SG K

Get notified of new Rhino Den articles and videos as they come out, Also, find out before anyone else about new product launches and huge discounts from RangerUp.com, the proud parent of the Rhino Den.

  • Videos (The Damn Few and more!)
  • Military-inspired articles
  • MMA (and Tim Kennedy) coverage
Close this window

Join the Rhino Den / Ranger Up Nation

Read previous post:
The Continuing Failure of DoD

  By RU Twisted Math is one of those subjects that seems pretty fundamental to our educational system—or at least...

Close