By Jack Mandaville I want to make a few of my...
Douche of Veteran’s Day Weekend
By SGT Awesome.
The recent re-election of President Obama has caused quite a stir amongst much of the conservative-leaning military, ranging from responses such as mine of “meh, one or the other, it’s still going to suck” to a response deserving of a lifetime membership to the National Douchetastic Fuckwads Association, and everything in between. I suspect you know already which one I will be bringing to you below.
So someone decided to retweet this to my Twitter feed today:
Officially getting out of the Marines. I refuse to sacrifice life and time w/ my family for a country that doesn’t care about it’s future.
My blood instantly boiled. Insanity erupted through my mind as every curse word I knew flew from my mouth. All I wanted to do was murder, but after an hour of breathing exercises I managed to regain control and was able to click on her profile to see if maybe it was either satire or a retarded private. Low and fucking behold I find this Marine to not only be a veteran, but also an officer. I’ll let that sink in for a second.
Is it sunk in? No? One more paragraph break then…
Alright, now you’re with me and this is why I am forced to pen the following open letter to the presumed Captain.
Myself being just a lowly Staff Sergeant, and also Army, I am ignorant as to the exact phraseology of the oaths you might have taken to join the Marines or to accept your commission, but I just have this strange feeling inside me that nowhere in them did they state something like, “to uphold and defend the Constitution as long as the people back home agree with you politically via a majority vote.”
In less than 140 characters, you have exposed to the world your true character. You are the most insidious combination of fucking creatures. You are a Marine with no love of country and an officer with no understanding or care of your responsibility.
Your job is to defend ALL of America, not just the parts you agree with. This has never, not ever, been an option. If it were, do you think we would have managed to pull off two wars whilst simultaneously airing however many seasons of Jersey Shore as there have been? Fuck no! However, it’s called freedom you fuckwit and it’s what must be defended and protected if we wish our lives to have any meaning whatsoever.
Your rank requires that you are responsible for the lives of Marines under you, yet you seem to think that their lives might not be worthwhile anymore simply because of an election result… I pity any and all Marines who were unfortunate to serve with your self-righteous ass as you are truly unworthy of leading them even to the toilet.
Your selfish, ignorant, un-patriotic tweet has gained you one thing, and that is my attention.
And with all the authority granted to me by the Constitution of the United States of America*, I hereby accept your “official” resignation of commission via Twitter. Turn in your uniforms and gear to your unit and report immediately to Douche Kingdom where the only person you will be in charge of is Bradley Manning.
*Don’t worry, I’m sure she hasn’t read it.