By RU Special Guest Dallas Dunn Attending a job fair soon?...
Douche of the Year – UPDATE 1/1/12
This is one of our favorite times of the year and not just for the bourbon and egg nog. Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, dogs and cats and Mark Endy…It’s time for us here at Ranger Up to present the 1st Annual Douche of the Year contest!
Over the last 12 months we, as well as the rest of the country, have been inundated by the daily onslaught of Douchiness. While we attempt to highlight only the most profound offenders, we also understand that we only scratch the surface when it comes to the general douchebaggery out there. And, even though we have sentenced many, many individuals to Douchebagistan, we still believe in democracy. So much in fact, that we (being the only judge qualified to bring such harsh punishment on deservingly retarded individuals) believe all sentenced jack-wagons have a constitutional right be governed by one of their own and that only an elected official should have the right to govern. That is where you come in.
Below you will see the candidates for Douche of the Year. While the list is not all-inclusive of our illustrious Douche of the Week awards, each has committed some sort of outrageous act that drew our attention to them, which in turn, sentenced them to Douchebagistan. It is your turn to vote in our General Election/Douche of the Year contest. Each nominee is linked to their story and subsequent sentence to purgatory. There is no prize package, other than a few skittles I found in my couch last night, no trophy to display on a mantle nor is there a crown to wear (Douchbagistan is not a monarchy).
To make this a little more interesting, leave a comment on why you are voting for a particular candidate. We have two t-shirts that are looking for a good home and will award them to the most creative comments. Good luck to all the candidates and may the biggest douche win!
And the winner is…
Thanks to all of you for your comments and support for the Rhino Den 1st Annual Douche of the Year award. As we all suspected, it really wasn’t much of a contest at all. Without all of the hoopla and strategically placed commercial breaks to build the suspense…we have a clear cut winner…
THE UNITED STATES CONGRESS
For the next year, this collective group of worthless human excrement has the supreme responsibility (they already have it, just don’t exercise it much) for the training, health and welfare…wait, am I writing an NCOER…anyways…of an ever growing population of douchebags rejected from the great democratic republic of the United States of America and sentenced to a life of douchiness in Douchebagistan.
The relocation of our congress to Douchebagistan becomes a little more bitter sweet as recent studies show that the personal wealth gap between our elected leaders and their constituents is growing at an alarming rate. Half of all our members of congress are considered millionaires and their combined median net worth is $913,000 whereas the average net worth of an American family is $100,000. It maybe just me, but I guess the whole “of the people, for the people” concept has kind of gone the way of the flobee… history. We won’t continue to bash Congress on their day of glory, but let it be said that we are imposing a term limit of 1 year for this distinguishing award. Otherwise there would be no other winner… ever!
Congratulations Congress, you have consistently proven time and time again that you truly deserve to lead Douchebagistan into 2012.
Thanks to all who left comments and voted. As promised, the winners are: VERMONT and DS ALLEN. Please email me at: firstname.lastname@example.org so I can set you up with your free shit!