Douche of the Week – PVT Bradley Manning
Editor’s Note: This story originally ran on January 22, 2012. PVT (EIOU1) Bradley Manning was found guilty of 19 charges on July 30, 2013 which include 6 counts of espionage. While found not-guilty of the most serious charge of aiding the enemy, Manning has been sentenced to 35 years of making big rocks into little rocks and little butt holes into big butt holes. Just in case you were wondering what we thought of “Fab Brad” before his trial, we revisit him as our Douche of the Week winner. Oh and for the record….the sentencing was way too lenient in my humble opinion.
By RU Rob
First, let me say that in general, I wholeheartedly support the actions of our service members in their daily duties across this vast world. That being said, when a “grabtastic piece of amphibian shit” rears his ugly head only to steal the oxygen from us and besmirch those who so gallantly stand watch, it is my official duty to not only highlight the douchieness of said individual but to also provide a first class, fucktastic beat-down of epic written proportions.
So… let the games begin!
If you have never heard the name PFC Bradley Manning let me give you brief run-down of his alleged accomplishments, I say alleged as he has not yet been convicted of his endeavors. Bradley joined the Army in October 2007 as an (supposed) intelligence analyst and was initially assigned to Ft. Drum, NY where he worked, I refuse to say served as he was a self-centered twit, with the 10th Mountain Division. It was from there that he was deployed to Iraq in October 2009.
Before I go on, I want to say that some will argue that Mr. Manning had all sorts of psychological issues, including gender confusion. I acknowledge that, and am aware of notes made regarding his mental health history, but that is a pretty freaking lame excuse for what comes next in the history of this fuck-nugget!
While in Iraq, Bradley–boy had access to top level reports, not just from the military but the entire U.S. This network of information was designed as a specific intelligence clearinghouse to those deemed “worthy” to access it. It was in this network which Mr.-I-do-what-I-fucking-want-without-regard-to-any-one-else-Manning took it upon himself to randomly browse and download to his personal data storage units, including overwriting a CD of Lady GaGa with Top Secret information from the State Department and other agencies. It was only a month into his tour in Iraq that Manning decided to leak all of the information collected to the infamous Wikileaks website (a similarly douchestastic organization).
The information allegedly leaked by Manning was a slew of randomly collected and extremely damaging documents from the U.S. relating to combat operations in Iraq and Afghanistan as well as communications from U.S. Embassies across the globe. And it wasn’t only written communiqués that Bradley was leaking, but also videos taken in combat zones.
Bradley’s ex-boyfriend ratted him out to the FBI (never piss off an ex) and he was arrested in May of 2010. He was immediately sent to the jail at Quantico, VA and the pussified activist community immediately started bitching about the quality of his detention as he was essentially placed in solitary confinement due to the structure of the facility. This was repeatedly dismissed by the military as they repeatedly sent numerous inspectors there who had the same conclusion, his detention was lawful and warranted due to the nature of his crimes.
Time has passed and earlier this week, an Article 32 (the military equivalent of a grand jury) found enough evidence to proceed to a Court Martial of PFC Manning. What this means is that this little floating turd is going to trial…yippee-kai-yay! His attorney’s argued that the charges should be reduced so that the Brad-meister would only face 30 years in prison as opposed to the prosecution who wanted life! Well, the extremely sexy, Lady Justice prevailed and Manning faces LIFE when convicted (yes, I carry a positive outlook on this issue) and is set to go to trial in the upcoming months. I will be one happy camper when this shit-tard is flushed into the custody of the Bureau of Prisons!
While I would really, really like to send PFC DipShit to Douchebagistan, I truly believe he is best kept right where we have him….bent over in the shower!