Douche of the Week: UC Irvine

Updated: March 7, 2015


By SGT Awesome

On the campus of the University of California, Irvine there is an Associate Student lobby. In this lobby is, among other things, a flag. On this flag are 50 stars and 13 stripes.

I can feel the rage through the internet already. You’re offended too. How dare a flag be displayed! You’re not alone my friends. Two guys on campus are way ahead of you and they recently brought forth a resolution to the Committee on Stuff to get the Council to take the appropriate actions of removing not only said flag, but all flags from said lobby.

It passed with a 6-4 vote.

Yay! Can you smell the sweet smell of… wait, what? This can’t be right. How drunk am I right now? Let me read this in full.

Holy shit. These kids want to remove flags to “make the Associated Students main lobby space as inclusive as possible.”

Jesus tap dancing Christ.

It is a fucking FLAG! It’s a pattern of colors and shapes on a piece of cloth sewn in fucking China. Who in this entire fucking Solar System gets a squirrel up their ass over a god damn piece of cloth sewn in fucking China?!

Look, I get that a flag is a representative symbol for whatever country it happens to belong to but that’s all it is. It’s a symbol and without any context it has no meaning. Any context someone gets from its hanging is purely inside the individual viewing it. The flag cannot change itself based on the thoughts inside the viewer’s mind, which means if you view it negatively… that’s on you, buddy.

Last I checked the university in question does in fact reside in the United States of America so the display of the US flag should be, well, a non-fucking-issue. The flag isn’t trying to take your homeland. The flag isn’t trying to indoctrinate you into believing America is the greatest. Hell, it’s not even trying to give you a freedom boner (it’s just a fun side effect). The flag is just trying to hang out on the fucking wall and occasionally remind people what country they are in. That’s it. Period. End of story.

If the simple act of seeing a flag in your peripheral vision while you sit and snapchat in the lobby (or whatever you kids do these days) makes you feel excluded, you might have some deeper and more significant issues that you should address.

In fact, what the fuck can you feel “excluded” from? The student body? The country? Reality? Did we stamp your fucking passport? Yes? Then welcome dickface and enjoy your stay. The flag gives a total of zero fucks about including or excluding you.

Literally at no point in your future will life make you feel more included in anything. If the Council of Gondor (or whomever the fuck has to deal with this idiotic issue) decides that the right thing is that, “no flag, of any nation, may be hanged on the walls of the Associate Student main lobby space,” well you all may as well hang up your spurs now gentlemen because life is going to leave you no safe space but your parent’s basement.

Lastly I would be remiss if I did not address one last statement from their resolution. IamAmerican

“Whereas freedom of speech is a valued right that ASUCI supports.
Whereas freedom of speech, in a space that aims to be as inclusive as possible can be interpreted as hate speech.”

Here’s the thing, buttercup. If you want freedom of speech that means you get the freedom to be offended because other people aren’t going to agree with you on every single thing. If you limit speech simply because you might get a case of the hurt feelings, you lose freedom. There are countries on this planet right now that are putting people to death simply for words. The United States of America is not one of them and nor will it be while blood flows through my veins.

I have a homework assignment for you kids at UC Irvine: Go find some people outside your group (you know, be inclusive of others) and ask them about freedom. Go ask a history professor about the founding of this nation and why freedom is so important here in America. Hell, you might even learn of a symbol used to represent that freedom.

It’ll probably look familiar.




  1. jon

    March 7, 2015 at 7:21 pm

    Make sure you remove all the flags at your graduation. Wouldn’t want you feeling awkward during your special day.

  2. Justin

    March 7, 2015 at 8:47 pm

    I’m a Democrat and a vet. And this is horsesh!t. There’s liberal and then there’s idiocy.

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