Douche of the Week: Terrance Ralph

Terrance Ralph = Douchebag

By RU Rob

It has always been said that a barracks thief is always the worst kind of thief.  But, what if you stole from service-members before the goods even reached the barracks?  What if you decided to pilfer goods destined for a deployed Soldier or Marine who needed the items contained in care packages?  Would that Airman or Seaman be a little disappointed to open a box expecting a particular item only to open it to find that the one thing they were really looking forward to was missing from the shipment?  You are damn right they would be. 

I know what you are thinking,” who would commit such an act of douchefuckary?” Let me introduce you to Terrance “fuck-the-troops-I deserve-it-more” Ralph.  Terry works for a company called Cargo Air Service at John F. Kennedy Airport in New York.  What he was supposed to do is to sort packages bound for Germany where they would again be sorted for our forward-deployed troops.  What he was actually doing was opening the packages, rifling through them for all the goodies he wanted, then resealing them and sending them on the way.

When packages arrived at their destination, missing high-dollar items such as electronics and jewelry, the recipients filed claims with the postal service.  This triggered an investigation that led back to the New York sorting facility where authorities set up surveillance cameras in an attempt to catch the bastard red-handed, and they did.

Just last week, Terry Ralph was arrested and brought in for questioning.  This turd-burglar was actually wearing an Invicta watch and a bracelet that he had stolen from the packages he was entrusted to sort.  Charges were brought forth by the Queens DA’s Office (albeit misdemeanor) and Mr. Mc Fuck-Nugget will hopefully be facing Federal charges soon.

I don’t even want to waste any more of my time on this salacious slice of salamander shit so I am charging forward with sentencing.

Terrance Ralph, you depriving our troops of their well-earned gifts from their loved ones is despicable.  I hereby sentence you to the federal mailroom of Douchebagistan.  It is there that you can sort and pilfer through all of the love packages sent to PFC Bradley Manning by his four adoring fans.

8 Comments

1. 

   Kevin Z

   May 21, 2012 at 7:47 am

   Can’t wait for news of this King Douche getting some swift “Grunt Justice.”

   Reply
2. 

   Matthew Hagarman

   May 21, 2012 at 9:33 am

   maybe this guy is the guy who stole my laptop that was being sent to me in Afghanistan!!!!!!!!

   Reply
3. 

   Jeremy

   May 21, 2012 at 10:18 am

   Hope he does get the Federal indictment he actually deserves and gets to spend his sentence at Leavenworth!

   Reply
4. 

   Ayecee McCaw

   May 21, 2012 at 11:46 am

   thank god they caught him. i know my husband and i have both had to file claims through the postal service for missing items.

   Reply
5. 

   Michael Hickman

   May 22, 2012 at 8:46 am

   I agree; send this fucktard to Levenworth, in minimum security…
   Let them “play” with him… “here kitty kitty” LOL

   Reply
6. 

   Eddie The Nuge

   May 22, 2012 at 9:43 am

   B.S.!! Line him up to the wall and send ‘im off by firing squad. Enough with the niceties!! Damn thieves….

   Reply
7. 

   Spearheader

   May 22, 2012 at 1:11 pm

   Can you guess who he voted for?? And how many times??

   Reply
   • 

     Air Force of One

     May 29, 2012 at 9:52 pm

     Ross Perot?
     Do you really have to go there?

     Reply