RTFU

Douche of the Week: T-T-T Tim Poe

By
Updated: June 8, 2012

By RU Contributor Jack Mandaville

I was in the middle of a mind-numbing work shift the other evening when I got call from a friend.  She started going into a whole spiel about this guy she saw on NBC’s America’s Got Talent, how he had an angelic voice and all that jazz.  Then she went into his back story, about how he was wounded in Afghanistan and stuttered because of a TBI, but his stutter went away when he put all of his energy into the art of singing.  She was choked up.

This was my no shit response: “He’s probably lying.”

Sounds a bit dickish, right?  That’s because it was dickish… and there’s a reason why I immediately went there: I have become extremely jaded by the overwhelming number of individuals falsely claiming or exaggerating military service.  It’s rampant.

Well guess what, I totally called it.

Tim Poe, an Afghanistan Vet and former member of the Minnesota National Guard, is the tyrannosaurus-sized pile of douche in question.  Last Tuesday, June 5th, AGT ran a brief segment about Poe in which he discussed his service in Afghanistan and the invented injuries he sustained there.  Throughout the interview, supposed pictures of him were shown on screen as he struggled to narrate the circumstances that caused his current stuttering problem.  Then—while tears began to boil from his eyes—Señor Doucheypants related this heart wrenching gem:

“When I was lying there I thought I was never going to be able to see my daughter walk down the aisle, or-or-or throw the baseball with my son again, or-or be able to-to-to hold them or see them again.”

Oh my god, sh-sh-sh-shut the fuck up!  Timmy Turdpants definitely went to Afghanistan (as a supply clerk), that’s undeniable.  But that’s pretty much the only truth in his whole twisted web of lies.  It doesn’t matter, because the crowd and the judges ate that shit up like starving Somalis at an all you can eat UN rice buffet.  Seriously, this guy was playing the war veteran card like a boss.  His occupation was literally listed as “War Veteran.”  WTF?  If he’s getting paid for this shit, I’m headin’ straight for the VA to get my back pay.   Poe had his advancement to the next round locked before he even started his performance.

That was until people he had served with started making posts on Facebook stating that Poe had never been anywhere near combat, much less been wounded.  A few of these allegations were picked up by some reputable blogs that specialize in calling guys like Poe out and the next thing you know, the Minnesota National Guard is officially going on the record by stating that Poe never received any of the medals he claimed.  Not since Jesse Ventura was governor has the state of Minnesota produced such a nationally recognized douchelord.

Here’s a quick list of some things that have come to light about Poe, most of which came from the diligent work by our friends over at This Ain’t Hell:

  • The picture he submitted of himself turned out to be Staff Sergeant Norman Bone.  Neither of them have ever met and the picture was taken three years before Poe’s falsified wounding.
  • His ex-wife is publically coming out and saying he’s a deadbeat dad, adding that his own son doesn’t even believe anything coming out of his mouth.
  • Poe continues to backtrack and defend his claims of being wounded even though nobody from his chain-of-command has verified his claims.

Regarding the photograph, Poe’s fiancé (who seems to be an equal player in the lies) claimed he accidently sent the wrong picture when submitting to the network.  Oh right, I make that mistake all the time.  I always confuse pictures of Marines I’ve never met with my own fuckin’ face… I just happen to look like Dakota Meyer.

But this is the thing; I don’t think Poe is douchebag just for being a habitual liar—there’s way too many of these guys out there doing that.  Poe is a douchebag because his lies were nationally televised.  Poe is a douchebag for getting caught.  He may have singlehandedly ruined (or at least dented) the integrity of our men and women serving in uniform.  When America drinks the kool-aid like they did with Poe’s sob story, they’re going to get pissed when they find out they were deceived.  (See: Balloon Boy)  How are his lies going to affect those who were actually wounded and received TBI’s?  As a result of this saga, how many people are going to second-guess individuals who actually sacrificed their bodies and minds?

Whether you were a supply clerk who handed out socks or were super SF badass who has every decoration in the book, be proud of your service.  Don’t be ashamed of what you did or didn’t do.  You accomplished more than the overwhelming majority of your peers.

Regardless, his actions could have withstanding consequence.  This makes him a top tier Blue Falcon and our Douche of the Week.  Congratulations, Tim Poe, I hereby order you to Douchebagistan where you can wow your fellow Douchebagistanians with your outrageous bullshit.  S-S-S-S-S-S-SUCK IT!

Comments

comments

24 Comments

  1. Actual infantryman that served in Iraq proudly....ill submit real pics!:)

    June 8, 2012 at 12:33 pm

    Such a great story, I happend to watch the same shit and could read his ass a mile away…..when he came off stage and was congradulated by Nick”dipshit”Cannon he said 2 very clear as day and withoit stuytering sentences. Even nick Cannon made a comment aboit it and Poe’s ass got all quite and akward…..fa fa fa fucktard!!!

    • Torano

      June 9, 2012 at 4:52 pm

      Good call dude! People like that should be shot in public and the cost of the bullet be billed to his parents! I’m sick and tired of these soft skill dudes who think just because they went out of the wire and something happened in their Units battlespace that they somehow were given the green light to make up their own war story..

  2. Troy

    June 9, 2012 at 4:04 pm

    Everything is correct except that he was a wheel jockey 88m. He was only in country for 3 days and sent home.

  3. John, Austin, TX

    June 9, 2012 at 5:20 pm

  4. LR Hale

    June 9, 2012 at 5:35 pm

    As a veteran, like all other veterans, I hate Posers. All active duty personnel hates a Posers. Anyone with a shred of integrity hates a Poser.

    May his ass provide a semenal reservoir for camels in Douchebagistan.

  5. Mark

    June 9, 2012 at 6:43 pm

    I am an Army captain who NEVER WENT ANYWHERE. There ya go. How about that. I tell that to every vet I meet–why do people pretend to be something they’re not? I got to play with howitzers, jump out of planes, and meet the finest people on the planet. Fucking proud to have worn the uniform. This guy makes me p-p-puke.

  6. Nathan mechikoff

    June 9, 2012 at 6:54 pm

    God bless Dakota Meyer and all of those MOH vets. This some bitch is a fucking price of shit. If Sal Guinta was in the same room as this mother fucker he would has sliced his fucking neck and Shit in his Cobb salad.

  7. Brett

    June 9, 2012 at 8:52 pm

  8. Jeff Atchison

    June 9, 2012 at 10:55 pm

    I cannot stand people lying about service! I don’t get it. I served in the Navy and never really did anything extraordinary but I’m glad I could serve my country and I’d do it again. I did my job and I’m proud to have carried on my family’s tradition of Naval service. That’s it and that’s all. I don’t have to make up stories about shit that never happened. This Tim Poe turd should be flushed down the shitter!

  9. Peter D

    June 10, 2012 at 1:14 am

    yep, agree, im always mistaking my own photos for pictures of others, that Ive never met. I mean, years later, i still know the people in the photo, even when i haven’t talked to them i awhile, and i sure know which one I am.
    Worst part is, he actually served, he could have said that, been having them eat out his hand, but no, has to come up with some BS and now hes trying to say he believes it? Well, moron, i believe that they need to put you in permanent sleep if you are that messed up. After all, who knows what world that guy lives in.

  10. Kev

    June 10, 2012 at 3:02 am

    This man undermines all other services members that actually saw combat. Thanks a lot asshole. Why don’t you go slap a Medal of Honor recipient while you’re at it.

  11. stew smith

    June 10, 2012 at 8:14 am

    Yes – I said the same thing – well actually I said to my daughter who loves that show, “He better not be lying!”

    It is not hard to believe – stand by America – a ton of these are already out there and MORE to follow.

    My buddy Don SHipley has the Navy SEAL database and constantly screens these type of turds.

    ss

  12. adam mattis

    June 12, 2012 at 7:37 am

    Dudes like this are why I never divuldge my military service, and when asked about a tattoo or whatever I always respond with: I was just a “Regular Guy”. I know what I did and what I didnt do. I know what my brothers did and didnt do. Nobody else matters.

  13. adam mattis

    June 12, 2012 at 7:41 am

    Dudes like this are the reason that I never divuldge my military service. If someone sees a tattoo or whatever and asks I always respond by saying “I was just a regular guy..”

    I know what I did and didnt do. I know what my brothers did and didnt do. Nothing else matters.

  14. Bob Lewis

    June 12, 2012 at 8:31 am

    I saw this little boy on cable news afterward, crying his little fucking lying eyes out claiming he doesn’t know right from wrong…..I’d be glad to show him my right and left !!

  15. Matt

    June 12, 2012 at 8:42 am

    This story reminds me of when I used to go to the VFW with my pap. My pap was a WW2 vet. He never talked about what he did over in Europe, and my grandma told me never to ask. All I knew is that he was very proud to serve his country. But getting back to the VFW, I would always here guys, mainly Vietnam vets talking about all the crazy crap they did and the people they killed, after this one guy who was talking to my pap paid his bill and left, my pap turned to me and said, “everything you just heard that man say is B.S., if he did half the s••• he claims he did, he wouldn’t be talking about it.”. The fact of the matter is people love B.S. And they are the same people that probably come on this site and buy army ranger t-shirts and then tell everybody they are Rangers as opposed to telling the truth and just saying they support special forces and appreciate all they do. It’s sad.

  16. Matt

    June 12, 2012 at 8:50 am

    These are the people you should have fun with. Engage them in conversation and see how far they will take it. That’s what I do. You don’t know how many members of the 4th ranger battalion I have met!!!!! Hilarious!

  17. Charles B

    June 12, 2012 at 9:11 am

    Great point about “the boy that cried wolf” syndrome. Tim “Pouge” further diminishes the guys that are truly busted up. Similarly I was home on leave at a bar that I always stop in to. The Detroit Tigers playing the Reds and the guy next to me starts talking about sports figures and heroes. I made the comment that it seems when you are on a pedestal someone always wants to knock you down or look up your shorts. And from down the bar this hippie chick pipes in about the real American Heroes are all the guys coming back from war, as they are all fucked in the head… and in a way she kinda made MY point but I got pissed. I tried to explain what a horrible stereotype it was that all vets are either “Victims” or “Psychos”. She just couldn’t believe a vet could be normal and adjusted and began to question my creds – “When did you serve?, When was the last time you were over?” I had to leave I was so pissed. I am so fucking tired of guys using the “troubled vet” persona to get pussy and like Tim Pouge it diminishes us all.

  18. Ed Q

    June 12, 2012 at 11:00 am

    Your new, “Hero” shirt sums it up. Actually, I spend a lot of time trying to forget some things of my service and the last thing I would do is put some of that imagery into somebody’s head. People can’t really understand what the fek you’re talking about anyway. And, my favorite guys were the ones who provided a hot meal or a truck ride for my tired, Infantry ass. Keep up the fire.

  19. Sandra J

    June 12, 2012 at 11:01 am

    The entire MN Army National Guard is embarressed that this guy was part of our organization. The Red Bulls have a good reputation and he is recking it. They need to start prosecuting people for this crap.

    • Ben Rothman

      June 19, 2012 at 4:55 pm

      Well said.

      I’m in the 1st Brigade of the Red Bulls, down in Iowa, and you are absolutely correct. He has totally dishonored the Red Bulls, past and present.

  20. Dotan Baer

    June 12, 2012 at 11:40 am

    I served in the Army, in the 1st 75th Airborne Rangers and the 2/7 Mechanized Infantry from 1992-1995, sounds glamorous to the average know nothing civilian, sadly the TRUTH is, my unit sat in Savannah Georgia, never left the base as we watched the 88m(truck drivers), the National Guard DEPLOY to Iraq.

    Meanwhile, we cleaned toilets, waxed floors and fired lots of rounds out of an array of weapons on a RANGE at PAPER TARGETS in SAVANNAH GEORGIA. Anyone telling a “story” about their war experiences on national TV in front of an audience, is lying. Any real story of military service would take years of therapy, constant practice to get the words out and some editing to allow the person telling it time to recover.

    During my time in service, I never saw a day of combat, in my time in service I did bury 17 fellow “Rangers”, none of which saw combat either, all due to live fire training exercises/motor vehicle accidents, the only Rangers that died from gunshot wounds died from FRIENDLY FIRE, or a helicopter crash that included a Colonel Strauss. Death has no prejudice. No, I wasn’t flying the plane, no, I didn’t save anybody, no one cared that 17 Army soldiers were killed in various training accidents…NONE of them died in combat.

    I have met combat veterans that didn’t lose a single friend, and those that have lost their entire platoon, just know that ANY story you hear, is just that, a STORY – THE STUTTER, was from the LYING.

    You want a real military story with accountability just check the Army or Navy RECORDS, which the show could have done BEFORE embarrassing themselves and the military. Those stories, like mine, are not exciting for producers who don’t want the TRUTH, who wants to hear about death, without any glory?

  21. Levi Rodgers

    June 12, 2012 at 3:29 pm

    I am a wounded Special Operations Soldier that is in San Antonio, I would love to crush this guys face in…. I would like to drag him over to the Center for the Intrepid (CFI ) and make him personally apologize to all of the Wounded Warriors that are currently patients and their family members.

    Agreed… This guy is the Douchebag of the Century and I wish we could use him as a punching bag at the CFI. We actually need a new one anyway…!:).

    Thank you RU for calling this asscrack out…!

    May God Bless all those who are currently fighting for their lives from wounds sustained in action…. And may God keep a watchful eye on all those currently deployed into harms way…!

    V/r,
    Levi Rodgers

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