Douche of the Week: NY State Legislators

Updated: January 15, 2013

By Mr. Twisted

AG Andrew Cuomo Makes Announcement With Entertainment LeadersWell, the bar has already been set fairly high for what constitutes douchiness in 2013. Though I’m sure there are a lot of individuals out there who will do their best to strive for this coveted title, for this week, I give you…

The New York State Legislators.

That’s right—an entire State Assembly has managed to earn the first of many titles this year. And they did so by proposing all sorts of idiotic pieces of legislation that promise to do one thing above all others: take rights away from individuals and give more power to the state.

The New York Assembly just passed a full-out ban on “assault weapons” originally proposed by one of the heavyweight champs of nanny-state douchebaggery, Andrew Cuomo.

Well…balls. Where to begin…

The state of New York already has some of the strictest gun control in the entire country. Oh and they also have a city with a ton of crime. Coincidence? Though the legislators in that state would like you to think so, that is apparently because they eat a healthy dose of crack on their Cheerios every morning.

Seriously, how painfully ignorant of a logical thought process does one have to be in order to propose and vote “yes” on legislation like this? There are a number of ways to point out the stupid here, but I’d like to focus on two.

One, it is a tremendous infringement on the Constitutional rights of individuals living in the state of New York. Their state has taken it upon themselves to believe that it is their job to issue out privileges to commoners as if it is their own little fiefdom. The legislature there believes that “rights” are something that the government manages and hands out as they see fit.

In that regard, I’d like to say to the state legislators of New York….make sure your canteens are full and then head on out to the LP/OP position. Stay there until you are relieved of duty as you would be of much better service to your constituents if you were completely removed from office. We will call you on the TA-312 Field Phone if we need you.

Two, it doesn’t even make sense if there wasn’t a Constitutional amendment protecting the right to keep and bear arms. Stop and consider that New York City has been the target of multiple international terrorist attacks in the last couple decades. If any city in the country has cause for arguing that individuals need to be able to defend themselves against foreign threats, it is NYC. But they would like to address that fact by….further denying the ability of its residents the ability to protect themselves and their family.

That’s amazing.

Let this be a lesson to you kids out there. Whenever you hear some stodgy, intellectual type start droning on about how humanity has “evolved” past certain things and that we don’t need this or that, I want you to remember that the ruling class in places like New York aren’t even smart enough to add 2 + 2 and figure out why rights existed in the first place and how they may be necessary in the future.

This concept—as well as the idea of rights inherently belonging to individuals—is far beyond the understanding of many in today’s political arena, despite their relatively simple premise. Yet we are to believe that the educated elite has a supreme understanding of what is better for us as a whole than we do—that they can authoritatively state what we should and should not be granted.

To the legislators in New York, I offer you the following: stop. Just stop what you’re doing. Go find the nearest toilet, dunk your head in it, come up for air and find a mirror. Now look into that mirror and state the following: “it is not my place to decide the rights of my constituents. That has already been done by people smarter than me a long time ago. It is also not my place to decide for them what is right and what is not. That is their job. My job is to represent them. It is also important that I shut my mouth and punch myself in the face for any number of idiotic things I have done as a legislator.” Now repeat as necessary.

New York, you are truly douchetastic. While I have no doubt that there are some solid, squared away individuals living within your borders, those who write the laws in your state have earned this title for you that you shall now wear along with the likes of Keith Olbermann, Bob Costas, and the pantheon of Stolen Valor surrender monkeys. You should be proud.






  1. Ray Murphy

    January 15, 2013 at 2:51 pm

    I submit Barack H. Obama as the Douche of the Decade, or as he would have us read it, “His Majesty Douchius Maximus”. These fucktards have really got to go.

    • Rebecca J Lutz

      January 16, 2013 at 11:02 am

      I totally agree with the State Of New York! Whoever things otherwise are the Douche Bags of the Year! Maybe you should see pictures of all the one’s that were gunned down and blown to hell..The NRA only cares about their profits! The new ad that was seen today is just so out of touch and evil piece’s of :poop: !

      • Jack

        January 28, 2013 at 6:47 am

        Wait, you agree with these asshats limiting our constitutionally guaranteed rights? What are you even doing on this website? If you agree with these gun control douchemongers, I have only one thing to say to you: I want you to personally look my loved ones in the eye and tell them that you would rather let them be robbed, raped, tortured, and murdered, than let them have the means to properly defend themselves. Rebecca, do you really think you could stop an armed attacker without a firearm and at least 3 rounds per attacker? You would end up raped and murdered in a bloody heap.

  2. ROS

    January 15, 2013 at 2:54 pm

    Perhaps they’re concerned that NY is becoming over-populated and this is an attempt to force people out. That’s the only thing of which I can think to rationalize this.

  3. H1

    January 15, 2013 at 2:56 pm

    “King Barry” will be trending by this time tommorrow.

  4. Tim

    January 15, 2013 at 2:58 pm

    A gun is a gun is a gun. There is no difference between a hand gun and an “assault” weapon. I for one believe this ban is completely asinine. If criminals are using “assault” weapons and myself, being a law abiding citizen, am unable to purchase and use one legally in self-defense, then I’m as good as gone. This is completely stupid and showing liberalism at its best.

  5. DJR

    January 15, 2013 at 3:28 pm

    The great thing is they define an “Assault Rifle” as any long gun with a pistol grip. So there goes your turkey shotguns, and your bolt action rifles with pistol grips. What douches….

  6. Josh

    January 15, 2013 at 4:25 pm

    Yahoo news, specifically Michael Virtanen, should be added into this as saying: “The bill was the first test of the new coalition in control of the Senate, which has long been run by Republicans opposed to gun control measures. The chamber is now in the hands of Republicans and five breakaway Democrats led by Klein, an arrangement expected to result in more progressive legislation.”
    Eat a dick.

  7. Kyle

    January 15, 2013 at 4:59 pm

  8. Rob

    January 15, 2013 at 5:07 pm

    They are trying to appease the UN which is located where that’s right New York City.

  9. Ken

    January 30, 2013 at 7:30 pm

    Unfortunately, everyone wants to call everyone a name. That won’t solve the problems at hand. “Tard”, “Douche”, use the brains in your heads. Pissing the “other side” off only builds the wall between ideas. I’m not in favor of laws banning most things. Bans are placed in the name of political parties, religions, movements, etc. We all know that banning things doesn’t stop those things from existing or happening. For instance, banning “assault” weapons in the name of saving lives may only work in a very few instances (which is still better than none) won’t stop people from harming others if they so wish. That is a mental and emotional health care task. Banning gay marriage does not stop homosexuality. Illegalizing certain drugs does not stop addiction. These laws are passed so that legislators can say they did something. Other weapons are still legal. I have a semi auto 22. I’m pretty sure 14 rounds will stop anyone brazen enough to enter my home illegally. If not, they are fully armored and carrying heavy firepower. Choose arguments wisely. There are better ways to defend rights than attacking people personally. Read up on the laws (thoroughly and from unbiased sources) then follow a process which gets your intelligent voice heard. Sounding like you are angry or uneducated doesn’t work.

  10. Ian

    February 25, 2013 at 10:40 pm

    Thank god someone gets it. Love western NY

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