Douche of the Week: Lindsey Stone
By Mr. Twisted
‘Tis the season to be thankful, and in this particular season, I am thankful for Douchebags.
Why on earth would I be thankful for that, you may ask? Well, I’m glad you did. Allow me to explain.
The simple fact is that Douchebags make me realize two things: One, that I must be near the top of the food chain, given the rash of Douchebaggery we’ve been witnessing as of late. Two, that we are drawing very near to the Zombie Apocalypse because, let’s face it, there won’t need to be a super-virus or plague that turns people into the undead—they’re already doing a fantastic by themselves.
Let me offer to you the shining example of Lindsey Stone. Lindsey is one of those special, intelligence-sucking life forces that set the bar even higher than normal for stupidity and disrespect.
You already know the type. Miss Stone is one of those vapid, self-important, attention whores who say things like “oh, you don’t want to be around me and my girls when we get CRaYY-Zee!” because they think that they are just so awesome that you couldn’t handle it. The reality, of course, is that their blatantly obvious cries for attention reflect a deep-seeded douchiness that can only be marveled at. And possibly have JDAM’s dropped on.
See, Lindsey and her friend (or friends) thought it would be just “hilarious” to stand in front of the sign at Arlington National Cemetery and mock the fact that it states “Silence and Respect.” Mrs. AW (Attention Whore), as you can see from the photo, apparently cares for her own Britney Spears-level of common sense than she does for those who have paid the ultimate price for our country.
Then, on top of that, her explanation for the epic douchebaggery has the gall to steal some of my thunder:
You little pirate hooker. You have zero understanding of that term. Anyone as stupid as you cannot possibly grasp the intricate science behind labeling someone a douchebag. This is the equivalent of Charlie Sheen calling someone a drug addict. This is the equivalent of Jenna Jameson calling someone a slut. This is the equivalent of Lindsey Stone being a douchebag attention whore… Oh, wait…
But it doesn’t stop there.
What makes this an extra-special Douchetastic moment is that Mrs. AW was on a paid business trip from her employer, LIFE, Living Independently Forever, inc. While that clearly sounds like a Hippie-inspired pyramid scheme, the point here is that it was more than just one person involved and, as a result, they can’t simply hide from this. As a non-profit organization, the voices from the public make a huge difference.
Non-profit organizations exist by one means only—fundraising. That fundraising is, by and large, accomplished in large part due to marketing which is directly related to the public image of said organization. If the public image of said organization is shit, well… you do the math.
This has already taken off and is causing LIFE a huge amount of grief, but this isn’t about LIFE and the work that they do in the absence of this scum-sucking troglodyte.
The oxygen thief known as Lindsey Stone needs to take her douchebaggery to the couch so she can go back to watching American Idol and eating Twinkies…ooh, too soon?
There is already a Facebook page entitled “Fire Lindsey Stone.”
Personally, I don’t think that’s enough.
As I mentioned, non-profit organizations exist based on marketing to their members. If they are swamped with phone calls and end up in the news for supporting disgraceful behavior such as this, well it makes it tough to ask for donations, doesn’t it? Conversely, they could fire the little troll, apologize for their ridiculous stupidity in hiring her in the first place, and possibly recover.
This is one of the cool things about our country. As a friend of mine said about what she did, we fought for her right to say do stupid shit like that. However, that freedom of speech works both ways. You can make an ass of yourself in the public square, but rest assured, we can call it what it is and you get to reap the consequences of your actions.
In this particular case, nothing short of her being sent back to her home on Attention Whore Island and a full apology will be acceptable. I could very easily post every single phone number and email address of the entire charity; but it is a charity and does good work. LIFE as a whole should not be spoiled by the actions of one shit-head. But, there is a petition page to get lil’ miss douchebag fired. As of this writing it needs 426 more people to sign it. I would love for this thing to blow up in the next couple of hours. Please go and sign and make sure you let them know Ranger Up sent you.
Make it rain, people. Make it rain!