Douche of the Week: Kanye West

Updated: December 11, 2013


By RU Rob

I hesitated to write anything about this story. Mostly because, well…labeling Kanye West a douchebag is…


Every time I see Kanye in the news or hear some of his “music,” I feel old. And I don’t just mean old in the sense of a number, but in that Clint Eastwood-in-Gran-Torino kind of old, whereby I just want to sit on my porch and shoot people for being stupid.

Essentially everything Kanye West does makes me feel that way, so when I saw the headline this week about him likening his time on stage to the danger of a police officer or a soldier, I didn’t give it much thought. I mean, it’s Kanye West. Of course he’s a poon bagel.

Then I took the time to not only read the article that quoted West’s fantasy-land statement, but also some other gems of knowledge that he has shared with the world. Take a look:

“I was put in a classification of ‘just’ a celebrity. But for me, I’m a creative genius and there’s just no other way to word it.”

“Visiting my mind is like visiting the Hermes Factory. Shit is real. You’re not going to find a chink. It’s 100,000 percent Jimi Hendrix.”

“I think what Kanye West is going to mean is something similar to what Steve Jobs means. I am, undoubtedly, you know, Steve of Internet, downtown, fashion, culture. Period. By a long jump.”

I’ll be honest, I don’t even know what that last quote means. Neither does the grammar checker on Microsoft Word. It started smoking as I wrote that. And keep in mind, those are just quotes from this year.

A couple things come to mind when I read some of his statements. First, that they make my old-man brain hurt trying to figure out what the hell he’s talking about. Second, that it’s hard to be mad at someone I feel so incredibly sorry for.

kanyeYeah, I know; he’s got millions and tons of fans, so how could I feel sorry for him? Because he’s clearly bat-shit crazy and apparently he has no friends who have the balls to point that out.

Think about his recent statement about being on stage and how it is “like, being a police officer or something, in war or something.” Now if you or I were to say something like that, it would be about 12 seconds before one of our Ranger buddies called us and said “hey man, put the crack pipe down. That was ridiculously stupid.” But it would appear that Kanye has no such person in his life and I find that sad.

More to the point, it’s so ludicrously out of touch with reality that I wonder what kind of world he lives in. It brings up lots of questions like what color is the sky in his universe? Does the government suck there also? Is their Tom Cruise as crazy as ours?

When Kanye went on to say how he would one day tell his daughter how much he had to “fight for,” I realized that he was like a cute puppy that I just needed to pet on the head. Sure he’s slobbering on my shoes, but that’s okay because he doesn’t know any better.

Obviously anyone who does what Kanye does for a living would—if they were of sound mind—compare their living to that of a police officer or someone in “war,” so he has to be either joking or completely off his rocker. I’m going with the latter because, let’s be honest, people with a good sense of humor usually come back with a punch line.

But in Kanye’s case, he is the punch line. He has called himself a “god” and shown nothing but disrespect to our reality. He is a perfect example of how pop culture reflects everything wrong in our society and very little good.


Opinions expressed are that of the author and do not necessarily reflect that of The Rhino Den or its parent company, Ranger Up.




  1. Cory

    December 11, 2013 at 9:28 am

    What a douche nozzle. No doubt about it.

  2. Matthew

    December 11, 2013 at 9:31 am

    “Opinions expressed are that of the author and do not necessarily reflect that of The Rhino Den or its parent company, Ranger Up.”

    Now come on. We all have the same views of Mr. West, who are you kidding?

  3. lahlon

    December 11, 2013 at 9:59 am

    Not crazy, just a idiot (not to mention an A-hole)

  4. JoeC

    December 11, 2013 at 10:43 am

    First of all, when can we expect the T-shirt with a theme of “I’m old enough that I just want to sit on my porch and shoot people for being stupid.”

    Second, Kanye has nobody in his life to tell him he’s being an idiot because everyone in his life looks at him and sees a giant walking dollar sign. It’s amazing how many dipshit friends a dipshit with enough money can buy. Birds of a feather and all that business. He doesn’t have friends, he has hired an army of yes men to pose as friends. That is what people with an out of control ego that make statements like those quoted in the article do. They have to because nobody would deal with their crap just for the pleasure of their company, they have to get something for their trouble out of the deal.

    • Heidi

      December 11, 2013 at 12:30 pm

      I want that T-shirt too.

    • defensor fortisimo

      December 11, 2013 at 12:45 pm

      Perhaps something like the E4 solution proposed recently by chris hernandez on breachbangclear.com is needed

    • Bob McShtuben Van Wiggle Bopper

      December 11, 2013 at 11:35 pm

      I’ll bet Justin Bieber is his friend, lol

  5. Jake

    December 11, 2013 at 11:22 am

    Hit the nail right on the fucking head.

  6. JJ

    December 11, 2013 at 11:57 am

    He likes fishdicks.

    • Heavy Dizzle

      December 11, 2013 at 12:35 pm

      fish dicks? terrible mental picture…funny though

    • Ed

      December 11, 2013 at 6:54 pm

      Good one, Cartman! Or was it Jimmy?

  7. Matt

    December 11, 2013 at 1:24 pm

    I can’t figure out if Kanye was held too little or too much as a child.

    More importantly, the “I just want to sit on the porch and shoot people t-shirt” is actually a brilliant fucking idea.

  8. Whitey

    December 11, 2013 at 6:00 pm

    So Kanye West is not only an asshole, but also a retard with delusions of genius. In other news, water remains wet…

    He and that other useless oxygen thief Kim Kardashian deserve eachother. Both are poster children for retroactive abortion.

    Can I preorder that Tshirt right now? Please?

  9. Dean

    December 11, 2013 at 7:18 pm

    This short bus window licking fucktard deserves to be the next poster child for planned parenthood! If he wants publicity might I suggest his wack job wife producing another home video…say the art of oral fellatio in transvestite midgets? ……what a shitbird

  10. SherriR

    December 11, 2013 at 7:29 pm

    I would so buy the “I just want to sit on the porch and shoot stupid people”!

  11. kathee

    December 11, 2013 at 7:57 pm

    the poor man is clearly delusional. I think a 72 hour psyche hold should be in his future.

  12. Wiley

    December 12, 2013 at 10:24 am

    looks and sounds like he has multiple forms of DOWNS.

  13. Steve

    December 12, 2013 at 6:00 pm

    The Clint Eastwood quote? Not just T-shirt worthy, how about a poster too.

  14. Beth

    December 12, 2013 at 7:18 pm

    “Poon bagel” made me laugh out loud, that’s even sillier and funnier than “twat waffle.” 😀

  15. chimibaily

    December 13, 2013 at 3:02 am

    Ignorant arrogant son of a bitch he is

  16. Woods

    December 18, 2013 at 4:35 pm

    We must remember, this is the guy who named his is North. So let’s not stoop to his level of stupidity.

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