Douche of the Week: Donald Trump, Again

Updated: December 8, 2015


By RU Twisted

We’ve bashed Donald Trump here before, and oddly enough, we took a lot of heat for it.

I’m honestly not sure why, because the guy is just as blatantly fascist as any American politician could be (since Woodrow Wilson, who still holds the title, I believe). And yes, I used the F word, with all due respect to Mr. Godwin.

This week has provided even more evidence of this, with The Donald going so far as to say we should get Bill Gates to regulate speech on the internet because….why? Well because FUCK YOU, FREEDOM OF SPEECH, THAT’S WHY!

The exact quote from CPT Hairdo was as follows:

“We’re losing a lot of people because of the Internet. And we have to do something. We have to go see Bill Gates and a lot of different people that really understand what’s happening. We have to talk to them and maybe, in certain areas, closing that Internet up in some ways…”

Let’s set aside for just a moment the fact that he sounds like a drunken uncle at a barbecue that went way too late into the night and address those word thingies he tried to combine into a coherent thought.



“We’re losing a lot of people because of the internet.”

How are we “losing” people? If he means getting lost in that weird place on YouTube where Japanese people are experimenting with different game show themes, then he may have a point. Or is it that people are going inside like Tron? Because if that’s the case, I want in. I’ve always wanted one of those cool death Frisbees.

“And we have to do something.”

Yeah! We will do the things! Because of reasons!

“We have to go see Bill Gates and a lot of different people that really understand what’s happening.”

I think this quote would be much better understood if he said what he meant, which is closer to, “I really have no idea what I’m talking about. But I’m going to use my outside voice and say it really loudly to the cheers of many!” Does he think that Bill Gates has some secret passcode that walls of the Interwebz for different people? Did Donald Trump’s understanding of the Internet stop advancing after Matthew Broderick hacked NORAD in War Games? Because then this statement would make se….wait, no. No it still would be really stupid.

“We have to talk to them and maybe, in certain areas, closing that Internet up in some ways…”

Again, that whole freedom of speech thing? Entirely overrated. The fact that Internet censorship is the product of places like North Korea, China, Iran, and Cuba should be of no concern to you, peasant! You’ll read your Fox News, CNN, and be happy, dammit!

Listen, I get it. I get why the guy is popular, and it’s not totally without merit.

We live in an age of hyper-political correctness gone overboard, and Biff Trump has wisely picked up on that and done a fantastic job of showing how sick of it people really are. He says outlandish things and people love him for it—because people are fed the hell up with the idea that everything is offensive.

Similarly, he has thrown the political strategists’ game into disarray, and that’s nothing but a good thing. While the Marco Rubios and Hillary Clintons of the world come out with their perfectly scripted talking points, Donaldisimo has demonstrated how much people long for someone who just speaks their mind.

To see the political insiders getting their chutzpah smashed regarding why their machine-crafted puppet candidate isn’t stacking up well against the crazy millionaire is nothing short of amazing. So I understand the appeal.

But all that being said, ideas like “closing” the internet somehow or banning entire people groups from our country are not just antithetical to the concept of freedom and truly douchebaggy, it’s contradictory to his own strategy that put him on top. Think of it this way:

“Hey, I’m gonna say some outlandish shit to prove how fed up with political correctness people are, and then I’m gonna regulate your ability to say the same shit! Who’s with me, eh?!?!?!”

Here’s the thing: if fascism is in favor of all the things you are, does it cease being fascism or…?

We’ve written here numerous times about the reality associated with freedom of speech. It means it applies even to things you don’t want to hear or disagree vehemently with.



So if that guy over there is a MuslimChristianAtheistScientologist who wants to take away your guns and give you more guns and wants to lock up all ScientologistAtheistChristianMuslims, then dammit that’s his right to talk about it all he wants. He can write essays, blogs, make videos, whatever he wants.

It is, and forever should be, the action that is criminalized—not talk about action or pre-crime evaluations or regulations on….words.

So if you think, “hey, regulating speech I don’t like is A-OK because, well, I don’t like it. And I’m smart!” then you don’t get it and miss the point of what rights are. If you think “closing” the internet to certain people or preventing certain sites from being viewed at all, well then you’re as douchebaggy as the guy who pretty much wants to wipe his ass with the First Amendment as President.

Besides, calling for tighter restrictions on Internet use puts Trump squarely in the same camp as Hillary Clinton on this issue. So I guess if you’re a fan of her, then at this point you just have to decide which one is prettier to look at.

There’s a lot of ways that joke can go, so I’ll just leave it there.




  1. Jordan Cain

    December 8, 2015 at 6:55 pm

    I don’t in the least agree with his wanting to block off all Muslims like Jews. But as for the internet part, I actually agree. The internet sucks a lot of impressionable people up. People are brutal and uninhibited on the internet. We have near unlimited access to anything on the internet, and younger people are not necessarily mature enough to deal with that. I think the real issue is people are either too sensitive or too impressionable. But of all the candidates, I think Trump is one of the more genuinely sincere candidate in how he feels about us Americans. But I feel like we’re going through a time where people are slowly gravitating away from national pride and are distinguishing themselves less as a person from the country they were born. Shit’s getting interesting to say the least.

  2. Clifford Owen

    December 8, 2015 at 9:24 pm

    Well, now I can see that I need to burn my RangerUp shit. Fucking morons.

    • Christopher

      December 9, 2015 at 8:56 am

      Oh no, someone said something about our new prophet Donald. I’m literally going to throw away money because I disagree with an editorial someone wrote. Ugh, feelers and shit.

  3. John

    December 11, 2015 at 5:03 pm

    I actually agree with most of your comments on Trump, however think of it this way: Not one thing Donald Trump has ever said is half again as bat shit waffle crazy as the garbage that rolls out of John F’n Kerry’s mouth, or Loretta Lynch’s mouth, or Barak Hussein Osama’s mouth, or Nancy Pelosi’s mouth, or Harry Reid’s mouth, or Jeb Bush’s mouth, or Paul Ryan’s mouth or…. I could just keep going and going so I’ll stop here. The point is, Donald Trump is only possible because the supposed opposition party (GOP) has been caving to every unconstitutional, un-American, seig heil, communist shitbrained piece of law, court order, executive order that has been pouring out of Washington DC and many of our state capitols the past few years. We didn’t vote for this crap. The ruling class in DC doesn’t give a damn what we think though. There will be serious consequences to pay for all the horror that has happened recently, and maybe Donald Trump is one of those serious consequences.

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