Douche of the Week: Chris Matthews

Updated: November 8, 2012

By Grin and Barrett

In the annals of absolute journalistic truisms, there are specific lines that need not be crossed. Blasts of ridiculosity have haunted talking heads and pundits in the public eye for years, from Jimmy the Greek to Al Gore. Tuesday, however, vitriol that should be reserved for truly heinous comments was directed toward someone who truly did not deserve it, who had not crossed that forbidden line. Chris Matthews, the objective pundit from the very reputable MSNBC, was attacked for comments he made in the wake of President Obama’s re-election. While his comments may have been perceived as somewhat outside the lines of conventional thought, I’d like to take this opportunity to examine his comments, and his subsequent clarification in some detail. First of all, here are his initial comments:

“I’m so glad we had that storm last week. No, politically I should say, not in terms of hurting people. The storm brought in possibilities for good politics.”

For some reason, these comments have brought on a storm of wrath, a torrential rainstorm of verbal jabs and comments fired from individuals who don’t seem to grasp the innocence of Matthews’ statement. One needs only look beyond the words to see what I mean. By stating that he was “so glad” that the storm was the week prior, and that the storm brought in possibilities for good politics, Matthews was simply stating that he thought that the destruction of the Jersey Coast, loss of billions in property and revenue, and the death of over 100 innocent Americans lent itself to the possibility of good politics. Not so bad… eh?

WAKE UP AMERICA! THIS DOUCHTASTIC CHUNK OF DRIPPING EXCREMENT JUST SAID HE WAS GLAD THAT SANDY HAPPENED! GLAD THAT AMERICANS COULD DIE SO HIS CANDIDATE COULD PLAY POLITICS IN THE AFTERMATH! Is there really anyone out there that doesn’t want to punch Chris Matthew straight in the nutsack? Why, in God’s name, would anyone ever watch that piece of shit’s show every again. Does that absolute waste of oxygen really think that we are so STUPID that he can talk his dumb ass out of this? Well, he gave it a try today:

“I could say it was because I was tired, but the fact is, I wasn’t thinking of the horrible mess this storm has made of people’s real lives up here in New York and elsewhere.”

Yeah Chris, I’m sure you weren’t. You weren’t thinking of the orphans, widows, and devastated families who have lost everything. You weren’t thinking about the financial ruin of thousands. You weren’t thinking about anything. You only thought of one thing Tuesday night. Through your warped sense of competition, you won. You backed the candidate who won, so in your pathetic, feeble, and selfish mind you won. Doesn’t matter how you got there. The only thing that matters is the end result, what are a few lives shattered along the way?

Douchebagistan is a lovely place this time of the year. I hear Patti Labelle is busy composing the Douchbagistan National Anthem; Bradley Manning and Naser Abdo play naked twister all day long, and anyone who has ever added “The Troops are Welfare Whores” to their Facebook likes, wanders around with a pacifier shoved up his/her respective ass. Typically, Douchebagistan is reserved for those pieces of garbage stupid enough to verbally or physically assault our brothers in arms. But you, Mr. Matthews, have assaulted us all. Your ability to so nonchalantly praise the destruction of American lives and property for political gain warrants a one way ticket. If there ever was a person deserving of Douche of the Week, you have masterfully earned it.

Disclaimer: If you didn’t catch the sarcasm attached to “Chris Matthews, objective pundit,” and “Very reputable MSNBC,” have someone kick you in the ass.





  1. Yessir

    November 8, 2012 at 11:32 am

    He just now made Douche of the Week? What took so long?

    • RU Rob

      November 8, 2012 at 12:12 pm

      Yessir, we had a ‘possum running around the warehouse. Really, we did. Tommy had his unicorn hat on and was trying to spear it, you know “Bayonets and Horses!”

  2. BIG ROB

    November 8, 2012 at 11:41 am

    He sets the bar high.

  3. Maj Dick

    November 8, 2012 at 11:51 am

    I think what he meant was that he was glad to see that the Jersey Shore was destroyed, and that the REAL douchebags here; the cast of the Jersey Shore show could might possibly have been washed out to sea with it, never to shit in our ears or eyes ever again.

    God bless you and God bless ‘Merica!

  4. Quickburn

    November 8, 2012 at 11:55 am

    “If you didn’t catch the sarcasm attached to “Chris Matthews, objective pundit,” and “Very reputable MSNBC,” have someone kick you in the ass.” Priceless.

    And don’t forget Svannah Guthrie’s NBC Today comment Nov. 4th about how Sandy was a gift from God….

    My folks have been without power for 10 days and counting now. I’d like to see what these fucksticks would do if their asses were transported back to 1905 overnight.

  5. Scott Wojo

    November 8, 2012 at 12:26 pm

    He ought to be waterboarded with acid.

  6. Antonio Aguilar

    November 8, 2012 at 2:55 pm

    Well, I’ve thought this for a long time. I think MSNBC is the biggest douche here; they keep hiring people like this.

  7. Logan F Crooks

    November 8, 2012 at 6:44 pm

    Wow, I didn’t know he said these things. He should be taken off the air like Imus was when he said something equally stupid. Why does ALL of our media (FOX, MSNBC, etc.) have to be pieces of overly opinionated, BS-Spewing Crap!

  8. Mad Medic

    November 9, 2012 at 4:04 am

    It really makes you wonder why they’re even allowed to steal the rest of the people’s oxygen.

    Here’s a thought Carbon Dioxide is a greenhouse gas, Chris Mathews is producing too much. We might suffer immediate global warming from his hot air. He should hold his breath till the temperatures cool.

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