Douche of the Week: Chris Matthews
By Grin and Barrett
In the annals of absolute journalistic truisms, there are specific lines that need not be crossed. Blasts of ridiculosity have haunted talking heads and pundits in the public eye for years, from Jimmy the Greek to Al Gore. Tuesday, however, vitriol that should be reserved for truly heinous comments was directed toward someone who truly did not deserve it, who had not crossed that forbidden line. Chris Matthews, the objective pundit from the very reputable MSNBC, was attacked for comments he made in the wake of President Obama’s re-election. While his comments may have been perceived as somewhat outside the lines of conventional thought, I’d like to take this opportunity to examine his comments, and his subsequent clarification in some detail. First of all, here are his initial comments:
“I’m so glad we had that storm last week. No, politically I should say, not in terms of hurting people. The storm brought in possibilities for good politics.”
For some reason, these comments have brought on a storm of wrath, a torrential rainstorm of verbal jabs and comments fired from individuals who don’t seem to grasp the innocence of Matthews’ statement. One needs only look beyond the words to see what I mean. By stating that he was “so glad” that the storm was the week prior, and that the storm brought in possibilities for good politics, Matthews was simply stating that he thought that the destruction of the Jersey Coast, loss of billions in property and revenue, and the death of over 100 innocent Americans lent itself to the possibility of good politics. Not so bad… eh?
WAKE UP AMERICA! THIS DOUCHTASTIC CHUNK OF DRIPPING EXCREMENT JUST SAID HE WAS GLAD THAT SANDY HAPPENED! GLAD THAT AMERICANS COULD DIE SO HIS CANDIDATE COULD PLAY POLITICS IN THE AFTERMATH! Is there really anyone out there that doesn’t want to punch Chris Matthew straight in the nutsack? Why, in God’s name, would anyone ever watch that piece of shit’s show every again. Does that absolute waste of oxygen really think that we are so STUPID that he can talk his dumb ass out of this? Well, he gave it a try today:
“I could say it was because I was tired, but the fact is, I wasn’t thinking of the horrible mess this storm has made of people’s real lives up here in New York and elsewhere.”
Yeah Chris, I’m sure you weren’t. You weren’t thinking of the orphans, widows, and devastated families who have lost everything. You weren’t thinking about the financial ruin of thousands. You weren’t thinking about anything. You only thought of one thing Tuesday night. Through your warped sense of competition, you won. You backed the candidate who won, so in your pathetic, feeble, and selfish mind you won. Doesn’t matter how you got there. The only thing that matters is the end result, what are a few lives shattered along the way?
Douchebagistan is a lovely place this time of the year. I hear Patti Labelle is busy composing the Douchbagistan National Anthem; Bradley Manning and Naser Abdo play naked twister all day long, and anyone who has ever added “The Troops are Welfare Whores” to their Facebook likes, wanders around with a pacifier shoved up his/her respective ass. Typically, Douchebagistan is reserved for those pieces of garbage stupid enough to verbally or physically assault our brothers in arms. But you, Mr. Matthews, have assaulted us all. Your ability to so nonchalantly praise the destruction of American lives and property for political gain warrants a one way ticket. If there ever was a person deserving of Douche of the Week, you have masterfully earned it.
Disclaimer: If you didn’t catch the sarcasm attached to “Chris Matthews, objective pundit,” and “Very reputable MSNBC,” have someone kick you in the ass.