Do Not Pity Me

By RU Contributor Mad Medic

You know, I don’t know what is worse about being a Veteran, the idea that people pity me, or that they fear me.  Neither is appropriate and yet I get both, sometimes from the same person when I admit to being a Veteran.  I can deal with being thanked, it’s awkward, because I really don’t think I’ve done anything more than any EMT, Fireman or Policeman, but even with my usual flippant reply “don’t thank me thank my recruiter”, I always make sure to leave the citizen with the impression that it is appreciated.

But how am I supposed to respond to questions about Post Traumatic Stress?  PTSD has become so much of a catch phrase that the VA and AMEDD are actually thinking of changing the terminology.  Doesn’t matter what they call it, I saw friends, in some cases good friends, killed or wounded.  It wasn’t like a John Wayne movie where they clutch their gut and fall over.  It was more graphic, more painful to watch, and more gut wrenching to keep my wits and treat them.  This is usually the point that someone will say “I could never do that”.  Yes you could.  I did it, so can you.

There is no special gene that makes a soldier able to function in combat.  There is no family background, or economic class that says that you can or cannot perform in combat.  It doesn’t matter if you are stupid or smart, poor or rich.  The truth about soldiers is that the only thing that makes us special is that we volunteered to do it.  I knew a guy who grew up in a hut and slept on the dirt every day in Kenya, but was solid as a rock when you needed him.   I’ve met guys that were working on their doctorate, one of them was my Drill Sergeant.  Have you ever met a PFC that could afford a set of Dress Blues (before they became the new Uniform)?  I have. 

In my life I have made many choices, some I regret, but enlisting then reenlisting was never one of them.  I was pushed to my physical, mental and spiritual limits as a Soldier then pushed beyond them.  I felt pain as one would not believe, and it did not break me.  I have endured sweltering heat and freezing cold, and now I can say that such things do not faze me anymore.  Through all the adversity I have learned who I am, on a level most people never dream of.  This is not something you should pity, but rather envy, for if you do not know yourself how can you possibly find fulfillment in life?

Yes, I had an Acute Stress Reaction.  Is that Post Traumatic Stress? Not according to the VA.  Doesn’t matter if it does, it is what it is.  Have I thought about committing suicide?  Yes, I almost did twice.  Once I was going to take my car as fast as it would go and ram a wall.  The other time I was going to charge oncoming traffic.  In both cases two things stopped me; the first is that it would be a piss poor way to repay the buddies that were still in the sandbox, and the ones who gave it their all.  Secondly and more importantly, a Battle Buddy saw that I was hurting, was on the edge and stopped me.  It took a long time, but I found the will to live, and to keep fighting daily for my wonderfully screwed up life.

I am a Veteran.  I served this country faithfully and honorably.  I am not a victim; you cannot be a “victim” if you are a willing participant.  I have Post Traumatic Stress, but I do not “suffer” from it, it is a condition like any other that can be overcome.  I am not a ticking time bomb, nor am I a blood thirsty psychopath.  If some days are harder than others that simply means the good days will be that much better.  So to every American out there I say, thank me if you must, but do not ever pity me. 

4 Comments

1. 

   1stIDMPgirl

   May 22, 2012 at 7:37 am

   Well said.

   Reply
2. 

   BooRadley

   May 22, 2012 at 10:00 am

   another great one.

   Reply
3. 

   Chief

   May 22, 2012 at 11:37 am

   Well said, brother. It seems to me that it has become a knee-jerk reaction to thank our men and women who served or are serving, but do most civilians really know these people? I think not.

   Reply
4. 

   Matt

   May 22, 2012 at 11:28 pm

   “I don’t know what is worse about being a Veteran, the idea that people pity me, or that they fear me.” Mad Medic,if its okay with you, I’ll simply respect you and thank you for your service. My little brother is a USA Master Sergeant and i have an inkling of the sacrifice military personnel make to keep civvies like me safe. Thank you.

   Reply