Congrats to Ranger Up’s Whitney

Excuse me, sir, "Have any useless Gold lying around?"

The last thing we wanted to do is hire a Ginger girl. After all, it is well documented that Gingers Kids have no souls and can suck the life force out of babies. It was even harder to consider when the girl who walked into our offices wasn’t even a day walker, but rather a pure Ginger, incapable of being anywhere near sunlight. Nevertheless, because of some nonsense called “qualifications”, we decided to hire Whitney as our warehouse manager.

As much as I hate to admit it, she has overcome her genetic deficiencies to become an absolutely invaluable member of the Ranger Up team, often running the entire operation while we gallivant around the country “working” at UFC events. She easily holds her own, throwing short jokes and ethnic slurs our way while routinely challenging our masculinity. On an almost daily basis, she and I get into a stamp fight, where basically we take address stamps and try to destroy each other. In short, if you were going to make the prototype for a woman that could deal with us on a daily basis, it would be Whitney.

ARGH!

Well, our Whitney, despite being all of 115 befreckled pounds, just helped lead the Raleigh Venom Women’s Division II Rugby Team to a National Championship. We couldn’t be any more proud!

After going the entire year undefeated, the Venom lost the last game of the first day at Nationals and had to fight back to get into the winner’s bracket. Fight they did, putting on a dominant performance on the final day that sent all comers running home crying for mommy. The venom followed them home and beat the crap out of mommy too.
Seriously, these girls are screwed up. Don’t mess with them.

You will get hurt.

Please congratulate Whitney at whitney@rangerup.com!