Army To Cut Back on Vernacular Cliches, War Story Exaggerations

From our friends at The Duffel Blog

Ft. Leonard Wood, MO — As part of recent cut backs proposed by the Pentagon, the Army is being forced to ration its own vernacular to save valuable training time. Everything from catch phrases to the proverbial exaggerated war story — and even standard expressions, are to be cut by 50%.

Phrases like “It ain’t rocket surgery!” and “You need to be at least three percent smarter than your equipment” are set to be retired permanently.

Hardest hit by the proposal are Drill Sergeants — and those responsible for training privates have been vocal in their opposition.

“It’s ridiculous,” said Sergeant Charles M. Gibbner, a Drill Sergeant with Echo Company 2/10 INF, a basic combat training unit.

“How am I supposed to intimidate privates if I can’t put the fear of God into them without a white elephant? Take the live night fire exercise for example. Sure, that’s live ammunition being fired over their heads, but privates don’t really keep their heads down unless I tell them a Drill Sergeant was once sawed in half during that exercise. Because you can be damn sure they don’t stay down unless you tell them that.”

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