Another Douche of the Week: Keith Olbermann
By Mr. Twisted
It’s a douche-tastic week in this country, ladies and gentlemen and thanks to our friends at TAH, we have yet another.
If you thought Bob Costas was a runaway winner for the title of Douche of the Week, allow me to see if I can change your mind. Maybe by the end of this post you will agree that we should have some sort of Ultimate Douche-off championship.
In the red corner, challenging for Bob’s current title, I give you….
Fighting at a mental weight of IQ85, Olbermann has a record of zero wins, and a number of high-profile sackings from his fancy broadcasting jobs. He now only fights out of the Twitter camp, spending his time mocking disabled Veterans.
Yeah, you read that right.
Champion lumberjack, stuntman, ESPY winner, and Wounded Warrior J.R. Salzman mentioned the oxygen thief we know as Olbermann after the nonsense by Costas on Sunday night football. Salzman stated that “Getting 2nd Amendment advice from Bob Costas is a bit like getting career advice from @KeithOlbermann.”
I’d say that’s a pretty funny line, especially given that Olbermann was recently fired from Current TV. And fired from MSNBC not that long before. And Fox Sports Net before that. And ESPN before that.
Keith, instead of handling that with class or taking it as the good joke that it clearly was, responded in epic douchebag form by telling J.R.: “You could benefit from my advice, Son. I’ve lasted 33 years and made millions. You? You have a bad avatar and grade D humor” and went on to tell him that his “conduct on twitter embarrasses the military.”
Because clearly Keith Olbermann is a subject matter expert on what kind of conduct is embarrassing to the military.
While you might be thinking that Olbermann’s petulant child-like tone is nothing new and that this is only him talking to one guy on the internet, stop and consider a fact that absolutely boggled my mind when I found it: Keith Olbermann has over 400,000 followers on Twitter. Yeah, the guy who can’t keep from being fired has more people reading his words than the entire population of New Orleans.
Keith Olbermann, if you ever get the chance to read this, I have a couple words for you. They are as follows.
We didn’t join the military to make “millions”; we joined to fight a cause bigger than ourselves. This is obviously a foreign concept to you, but try to understand that we don’t measure success like you do. You are in no way a role model for people like us. We don’t think throwing temper tantrums is noble conduct. We don’t buy your hype.
And we really don’t think that the words of J.R. Salzman are embarrassing in any way, shape, or form.
The truth of the matter is, Keith, you’re an embarrassment to what journalism should and still could be. Your weak attempts at being the next Edward R. Murrow shine through the expensive haircuts as the desperate plea for attention that they are. Your blatantly biased reporting is immediately recognizable for what it is by anyone smart enough to read above the 6th grade level. The incredibly self-serving and pompous defenses you have given for the numerous times you’ve been fired were evident to all but those stupid enough to believe your tripe. Your inability to own up to your infantile behavior only displays your complete lack of courage.
Men and women who serve at the front don’t hear your words and feel informed—they feel sad for those who listen to your politically-charged rants and then laugh at how detached from reality you clearly are.
But do you know what’s worse than all of this, Keith? The cold, hard reality that you don’t matter. For all of your bluster and attempts to sway the public opinion on various issues, the only ones who gave heed to your words were the ones already agreeing with you. Those already as lost as yourself paid you lip service and drank your Kool-aid while anyone with enough intelligence to formulate our own thoughts just shook their heads in disgust and moved on with their day.
The fact that you stooped low enough to hurl insults at the Veteran community only proves what television executives have been saying about you for years: you’re an unhappy person who, deep down, probably realizes your own insignificance in this world. Though I had hopes that you could challenge Mr. Costas for the title of Douche this week, the incredibly simple fact is that you don’t stack up to the NBC nanny-state champion because, well…
He actually has a job.
So, ultimately, you even failed at being the biggest Douche of the Week. Geez, you really are a failure at life, aren’t you?
Keith, J.R. Salzman and others like him are ten times the man you will ever be. With missing limbs they still make a more complete human than you ever could. They took up a cause bigger than themselves—one that went beyond making “millions” and having a cheesy, attention whore smile—and paid a heavy price for doing a job that you couldn’t in your wildest dreams muster the courage to do.
Guys like J.R. Salzman matter. You don’t.
Have fun in oblivion, @KeithOlbermann