Another Douche of the Week: Keith Olbermann

Updated: December 4, 2012

By Mr. Twisted

It’s a douche-tastic week in this country, ladies and gentlemen and thanks to our friends at TAH, we have yet another.

If you thought Bob Costas was a runaway winner for the title of Douche of the Week, allow me to see if I can change your mind. Maybe by the end of this post you will agree that we should have some sort of Ultimate Douche-off championship.

In the red corner, challenging for Bob’s current title, I give you….

Keith Olbermann.

Fighting at a mental weight of IQ85, Olbermann has a record of zero wins, and a number of high-profile sackings from his fancy broadcasting jobs. He now only fights out of the Twitter camp, spending his time mocking disabled Veterans.

Yeah, you read that right.

Champion lumberjack, stuntman, ESPY winner, and Wounded Warrior J.R. Salzman mentioned the oxygen thief we know as Olbermann after the nonsense by Costas on Sunday night football. Salzman stated that “Getting 2nd Amendment advice from Bob Costas is a bit like getting career advice from @KeithOlbermann.”

I’d say that’s a pretty funny line, especially given that Olbermann was recently fired from Current TV. And fired from MSNBC not that long before. And Fox Sports Net before that. And ESPN before that.

Keith, instead of handling that with class or taking it as the good joke that it clearly was, responded in epic douchebag form by telling J.R.: “You could benefit from my advice, Son. I’ve lasted 33 years and made millions. You? You have a bad avatar and grade D humor” and went on to tell him that his “conduct on twitter embarrasses the military.”

Because clearly Keith Olbermann is a subject matter expert on what kind of conduct is embarrassing to the military.

While you might be thinking that Olbermann’s petulant child-like tone is nothing new and that this is only him talking to one guy on the internet, stop and consider a fact that absolutely boggled my mind when I found it: Keith Olbermann has over 400,000 followers on Twitter. Yeah, the guy who can’t keep from being fired has more people reading his words than the entire population of New Orleans.

Keith Olbermann, if you ever get the chance to read this, I have a couple words for you. They are as follows.

We didn’t join the military to make “millions”; we joined to fight a cause bigger than ourselves. This is obviously a foreign concept to you, but try to understand that we don’t measure success like you do. You are in no way a role model for people like us. We don’t think throwing temper tantrums is noble conduct. We don’t buy your hype.

And we really don’t think that the words of J.R. Salzman are embarrassing in any way, shape, or form.

The truth of the matter is, Keith, you’re an embarrassment to what journalism should and still could be. Your weak attempts at being the next Edward R. Murrow shine through the expensive haircuts as the desperate plea for attention that they are. Your blatantly biased reporting is immediately recognizable for what it is by anyone smart enough to read above the 6th grade level. The incredibly self-serving and pompous defenses you have given for the numerous times you’ve been fired were evident to all but those stupid enough to believe your tripe. Your inability to own up to your infantile behavior only displays your complete lack of courage.

Men and women who serve at the front don’t hear your words and feel informed—they feel sad for those who listen to your politically-charged rants and then laugh at how detached from reality you clearly are.

But do you know what’s worse than all of this, Keith? The cold, hard reality that you don’t matter. For all of your bluster and attempts to sway the public opinion on various issues, the only ones who gave heed to your words were the ones already agreeing with you. Those already as lost as yourself paid you lip service and drank your Kool-aid while anyone with enough intelligence to formulate our own thoughts just shook their heads in disgust and moved on with their day.

The fact that you stooped low enough to hurl insults at the Veteran community only proves what television executives have been saying about you for years: you’re an unhappy person who, deep down, probably realizes your own insignificance in this world. Though I had hopes that you could challenge Mr. Costas for the title of Douche this week, the incredibly simple fact is that you don’t stack up to the NBC nanny-state champion because, well…

He actually has a job.

So, ultimately, you even failed at being the biggest Douche of the Week. Geez, you really are a failure at life, aren’t you?

Keith, J.R. Salzman and others like him are ten times the man you will ever be. With missing limbs they still make a more complete human than you ever could. They took up a cause bigger than themselves—one that went beyond making “millions” and having a cheesy, attention whore smile—and paid a heavy price for doing a job that you couldn’t in your wildest dreams muster the courage to do.

Guys like J.R. Salzman matter. You don’t.

Have fun in oblivion, @KeithOlbermann








  1. Mad Medic

    December 5, 2012 at 1:49 am

    I swear, Tis the season to be Douchey. Olberman has tripped and choked on a bag of dicks, and drowned in douchebaggery

  2. Nasty Leg 11B

    December 5, 2012 at 1:44 pm

    Thanks Mr. Twisted for giving Olberdouche a well deserved flogging with the big green weenie!

  3. Savoy

    December 5, 2012 at 1:46 pm


  4. Antonio Aguilar

    December 5, 2012 at 1:59 pm

    The simple fact that he worked for MSNBC and Current TV proves he’s was a douche even before this.

  5. Wardy

    December 5, 2012 at 2:02 pm

    Outstanding and well said! This ass-hat is such a loser… Real tough guy attacking a vet hidden in his lair. He wouldn’t have the balls to do it in person. I openly challenge him to bad mouth the military in my presence. He will need his millions to put Humpty-Keith back together again.

  6. Sgt. Stringcheese

    December 5, 2012 at 2:02 pm

    Mr. Olberman and his like champion themselves for the “little guy”. When challenged what’s the first thing he does, throw up his “millions”.
    Money can’t buy honor or class Keith………………

  7. AR

    December 5, 2012 at 2:24 pm

    Its funny how everyone that attacks our military and veterans never served themselves. I didnt serve in the military I chose to be a leo but I’m proud of our military and veterans for their service. Words from a has been reporter doesn’t mean shit to me, especially when he’s never walked in the shoes of whom he’s attacking.

  8. LT Z

    December 5, 2012 at 3:25 pm

    I never thought I would cheer for Costas for anything till this. Glad he won the DOTW. Olbermann is such a loser at even being a DOTW. Of course the media has opted to avoid any story of courage, character or goodness and instead focus on sleaze and sensationalism. They want sizzle and no steak. Like the author pointed out, the reporters (is that even the right term as they don’t “REPORT” as much as they exaggerate) want to act like they are dialed in, smart and doing real work. However, remove the prompter, and ask for something of content only to see a vapid empty stare being returned. Guys like JR should be on the news more, not garbage about who is dating who on TV reality shows. UGH, makes me full of hate, and I already had my double dose of caffeine 🙂
    I have served and continue to serve. I don’t ever ask for anything for that. It IS what all of us just DO. In that, I have had the opportunity to serve with amazing folks, some that were D1 athletes and could have had possible pro careers, but choose to serve instead. Why? I say because they are men and women of character, they have the definition of integrity etched in their bones and also share the greater picture of a team than the reporters or politicians will understand. I sleep at night knowing this truth of my brothers and sisters being there, often on the front lines and keeping the watch. God Bless.

  9. Jeff Coulter

    December 6, 2012 at 12:24 am

    I’ve served in the Army for the last 24 years. I have my own personal panthoen of heroes and men like JR Salzman sit at the very top. Keep up the fight, JR. Petulant children like Olberman are not even significant enough to dwell on. Enough said.

  10. Ice

    December 6, 2012 at 1:24 am

    Outstanding Mr. Twisted! I actually wish JR would respond in kind to Olberman, thus creating a larger media storm. As it stands right now, nobody will hear of Olberman’s douchebag comments. Of course, JR has to much class to respond, but if he did, and the lamestream media picked up on it, maybe his 400,00 lemmings might wake up and feel just a small amount of shame for have paid this Ass even a minutes worth of time…

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