RTFU

About Rob

By
Updated: August 16, 2011

Rob (who for some strange reason has no last name like Cher or Madonna) was raised by
a pack of militant spider monkeys as an army-brat. Most of his youth was spent in the
motherland of Germany where he perfected the art of pouring a Hefe-Weizen at an early
age while wearing a pair of leder-hosen and knee high socks (that is actually true). He
mastered the German language not as a necessity but to pick up on the Fraulines!

Rob served 12 long and hard years in the infantry (it was more drunken than hard and he
was actually a mortarman so that really doesn’t even count as infantry) and after going
under the knife one too many times for recurring hemmorhoids, he hauled what was left
of his ass to the civilian world. After being depressed and missing the camaraderie of
the military he finally got off his lazy ass and went into law enforcement where he can
currently be found on any given Friday night chasing street whores and crack-heads.

Rob found Ranger Up by chance after seeing an advertisement at Blackfive.net. There
was an instantaneous spark of lust after ordering the Derka Derka Derka shirt and from
that point on he has been a staunch supporter of them. After entering the latest writing
contest, Nick was sick and tired of the endless e-cards, flowers and singing-grams Rob
was sending and gave him a nod to write for the Rhino Den.

In his spare time, Rob likes to shoot bottle rockets from the crack of his ass and loves to
meditate naked on his roof while listening to Enya. Although he has never personally
met any of the Ranger Up staff, he is hoping to have a sexual telephone conversation
with Tommy that involves ball-bearings, duct tape, a can of WD-40 and a shower curtain.
A true believer in the Ranger Up product, Rob forces his subordinates to wear ranger
panties and pink sweat-bands while conducting under-cover police work

Comments

comments

6 Comments

  1. The Sarge

    August 23, 2011 at 2:55 pm

    YES! I love it!
    I’m a vet gone civilian LE as well…and this really describes me as well…except for the sexual phone call with Tommy…I’m more of a Timmy Kennedy kinda guy.

  2. C.S.Chapman

    February 14, 2012 at 10:31 am

    Hey Rob, Very,very excellent article on PTSD….I plan to post this on my job site at work to show my “charming” co-workers that all combat vets areNOT all the blood thirsty killers they think we are….PS:How about a photo of you to go with your articles like they do in the other “big city” articles????

    • RU Rob

      February 16, 2012 at 8:26 pm

      C.S.Chapman: Thank you, you can expect more in the future. Trust me when I say that you really don’t want a picture of me up! I am not really the “Big City” type!

  3. C Loflin

    March 14, 2012 at 12:32 pm

    Hey Rob. I’ve got a “Douche of the Week” double nomination to pass on to you if you’re interested. I’m also a LE officer and have a suitably disgusting story of a Police Officer being prosecuted for doing his job. If you want the full story, let me know. It needs to be shared.

  4. Glen

    April 2, 2013 at 9:57 am

    Hi Rob, Great article on PTSD. I am working with a small team of veterans on a service to help support active duty and veterans. You seem to have a real heart to help veterans struggling. Contact me at my email if you are interested in working with us.

  5. Jon

    April 3, 2013 at 5:06 pm

    Awesome article on PTSD!!

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