A Real Political Solution for America
By RU Contributor Mad Medic
We’re not even 100 days away from the election and already it’s getting nasty. Obama probably can’t run on his record, and Mitt Romney is just warming up. The hangers-on, on both sides, are gearing up for a real fight. Money is being raised in epic proportions. All of this would be kind of funny if it were not for the fact that we as a nation are pretty screwed regardless of who wins. It tends to bring up one of the old South Park episodes where the school had to choose between a turd sandwich and a gain douche. Occupy has reared its ugly head again, bringing with it a number of fools in desperate need of a shower, a bath or hell some baby wipes to run thorough their junk. But, while I’m sympathetic to some of the Tea Party’s aims, they’re sadly kind of a lightning rod, for the stupid and the ideologue to latch onto with all the vitriol possible.
So what do we do? The chaos of 2008 was pretty bad and when they passed the ACA it nearly ripped this country apart, not as bad as the “good old days” of the late 60’s, but pretty darn close. I have no doubt that the many operatives, from the Unions, among other places are going to raise some serious rabble, so what are we to do? What solution can heal some of these wounds that face us? In a word. . .
Yes I know that sounds crazier that Mel Gibson after a DUI arrest, but think about it. If you really want to be president, then you better be willing to fight for it. Literally. I’m tired of even the thought of a POTUS that won’t back up his (hers or it’s in the future) word. So let’s get big hair and some chain-mail shoulder-pads on Tina Turner, those awesome bungee harnesses on Mitt and Barak, and let them settle it like freaking men. As an added bonus we can make it pay per view, and use the proceeds to help pay down the national debt.
But why stop there? The 112th Congress has done a pretty piss poor job, and the 111th was even worse before that. So here’s what I think. Let’s Hunger Games that shit. We even have ready made “districts”. You want to be a Rep in Virginia? Fine, I’m going to dump your ass along with every other candidate in your neck of the woods in the middle of a giant arena with hidden cameras, and watch you wound each other with scathing remarks and crossbows. It might get a little “deliverance” in Southern West Virginia, but you’d have hours of entertainment.
Perhaps we should call these the Debt Games. As long as we are in debt, these games continue, and if you want to be a leader in congress you might have to dodge a butt stroke to the nuts. I’m sure after a few of these types of election cycles, both Congress and the President would get pretty serious about the issues, and C-span viewership would go through the roof. If we’re lucky it might even get to see stuff like the Korean Parliament has where dudes will take flying kicks to the chest. Imagine how much you would have watched the debate for the Affordable Care Act if John Boehner bludgoned Nancy Pelosi with her own gavel. I’m sure Obama would have tried to pull out a Lucha-Libre move or two, complete with mask and cape.
We could even bring this to the Supreme Court. Let’s go full out American Gladiator. Granted I don’t think Ginsburg will do much on the pugils, but it might be funny all the same. You have to make your arguments while doing the various tasks. My personal favorite pre-finale event was the one where they were getting tennis balls shot at them while they had to get closer and closer to hit a target above the gladiators’ head. I think I would set the tennis balls on fire for added flair. Just imagine some guy making an argument while a Justice is shooting tennis balls at him. You’d get a lot of these chicken-shit suits the ACLU files get torn to pieces because the lawyers don’t believe in them, they’re just doing it to be annoying.
We protect every member of the government from potentially being harmed. I think it’s about time we go the other way. They would certainly take their work seriously if they knew that at some point in the near future, they’re not only going to have to fight for their beliefs, they’re probably also going to suffer an incredible amount of pain for their hubris.
If this is successful in getting the Government to act responsibly we can back off on it, but we might keep it as an option if we have to. I also think this could be applied to other areas of life. You just found out your long time GF is cheating on you with some snot nosed Jodi? Survivor bitch. No not the cheesy game show. I’m talking; we drop you on a tropical island with a Swiss Army Knife. Let’s see if they make a Bungalow for some hot steamy jungle love, or if they’re trying to eat each other inside of a week. If they fall in love, ok maybe it was meant to be. If they try to eat each other. . . well they probably got what they had coming to them.
Of course all of this programing would be pay per view. It may not be UFC, but perhaps that’s even better. I know it will be hard to implement. I’m sure that there will be some protests, but really who pays attention to those anyway? We need to get our society involved in government, and we need to get government to stop acting like there aren’t consequences for their actions. I know this is perhaps an alarming track to take, but when you think about it, perhaps we need a little Thunderdome action in our Government.
Personally I like “Break a Deal, Face the Wheel”.