Holiday Safety Briefing
The long holiday weekend starts tonight after final formation and there will...
4th of July Safety Briefing
By Rob
Updated: July 3, 2012
The time is upon us for a holiday safety briefing. Instead of us briefing you on what to not do as we celebrate our Independence Day, we want you to give us your best “safety briefing” one-liners. Leave a particularly good one and I just may send a t-shirt your way (that means leave a good email address in the comment box)!
Have a happy Independence Day and don’t forget to take a moment and remember those who gave the ultimate sacrifice so that we may continue this celebration.
-RU Rob
Related Posts
45 Comments
Leave a Reply
-
-
On Rape
by Nick Palmisciano We need to step up. All of us....
-
Douche of the Week: The Woman Who Evicted Her Father
By Ghengis Ron “I laid awake at night trying to figure...
-
I Have PTSD…So What?
By RU Rob I have PTSD. We all know what it is,...
-
I Wrote This
Hello America, my name is Nick Palmisciano and I wrote the...
-
Name the Rhino from The Damn Few Contest
Everyone loves The Damn Few and you have noticed that the hard-nosed...
-
leftoftheboom says:
PSG holds up a picture.."This is the Brigade ...
Holiday Safety Briefing
-
Jeremiah says:
It should be noted that whether I have said t...
Holiday Safety Briefing
-
JG says:
1. Don't let your dumbass circuit breaker tri...
Holiday Safety Briefing
Chas
July 3, 2012 at 1:11 pm
(the topic had gone onto the recent deployment and working with Afghan partners. The CO asked a soldier what he would do if he were to walk into a porta shitter to find shit smeared everywhere from an ANA)
Soldier: “Clean it up cause I’m a fucking private, sir!”
Paul
July 3, 2012 at 1:12 pm
“Hey gents. Be safe out there whether you out with your boyfriend, your girlfriend, whatever the case may be. If you gonna tap it, wrap it. If you gonna drink, don’t drive. Simple shit, gents.”
Matt
July 3, 2012 at 1:12 pm
Fireworks should not be launched from, into, or across ones body. This includes your spouse.
Eric B
July 3, 2012 at 1:12 pm
” do not attempt to shoot fireworks from your crotch. Especially you fingers…no more fire crotches in my company”
Jim Nash
July 3, 2012 at 1:12 pm
Treat every woman as if she were loaded.
Aaron Frankum
July 3, 2012 at 1:14 pm
Fire crackers crack more than just ear drums.
Chris Roberts
July 3, 2012 at 1:14 pm
Condoms are not dishwasher safe! Single use only!
Joe Caldwell
July 3, 2012 at 1:16 pm
“Just because you wear a TapOut shirt and watch the UFC – does NOT mean you know how to fight!!! Do not go to the club and get your ass beat up… I will not feel sorry for you – and will make fun of non-fighting ass as much as possible”….
SFC ADRIAN ROMERO
July 3, 2012 at 1:18 pm
wrap that rascal, dont eat yellow snow, if your going to drink and drive take someone with you
Tony
July 3, 2012 at 1:21 pm
If you’re going to let your ranger out on patrol make sure he wears a Kevlar
Charlie
July 3, 2012 at 1:22 pm
If you’re gonna drive, dont drink.
If you’re gonna drink, dont drive.
If you’re gonna love, use a glove.
Eatin’ ain’t cheatin’.
Dont run with scissors.
And dont call me.
1SG Sean Kelly… every safety brief ever given.
D. McIntosh
July 3, 2012 at 1:22 pm
Don’t drink, don’t do drungs, and watch where you put your dick! Hoooah??
EODFNG
July 3, 2012 at 1:23 pm
Drinking, driving, sex. Don’t do two at the same time. Have a good weekend.
Will
July 3, 2012 at 1:25 pm
If you fail to keep up with common sense, you’re gonna fail to keep body parts too…
Jared Wilson
July 3, 2012 at 1:27 pm
Once the fuse is lit, Mr. Firework is not our friend…
Chris
July 3, 2012 at 1:29 pm
If you love it, glove it
Jakob H
July 3, 2012 at 1:30 pm
Anger is one letter away from Danger…Keep projectiles away from face and others
Forgot your hearing protection? Forget about hearing!
Make sure you point your fireworks directly at a Wall for a cool ricochet effect
Smaller the space = More firework fun
Ben
July 3, 2012 at 1:31 pm
‘Don’t wear shorts to the strip club, do it with the lights on, and don’t forget your dongbag.’ – 1LT Garrett. He’s a helluva guy.
Bill Hat
July 3, 2012 at 1:31 pm
Longnecks and short fuses are a bad combination.
drew
July 3, 2012 at 1:33 pm
Scouts, the spurs are just ceremonial these days, if you need them to finish your 8 second ride, you drew out of your weight class…oh, and wear a fucking jimmy hat..(only CSM L could combine sex, wrestling, bull riding, and the phrase jimmy-hat in one sentence
Former Hooligan 6
July 3, 2012 at 1:35 pm
Don’t cross the lines of death. Oh yeah, if you’re gonna do it, wrap that thing. Cause herpagonorsyphilitis don’t care what your rank or MOS is..
Shaun
July 3, 2012 at 1:47 pm
Chances are if she’s willing to sleep with you on the first night, she’s done it before. WRAP THAT RASCAL!!!!!!!
Sgt Awesome
July 3, 2012 at 1:48 pm
Are any of you fucking retarded? No? Good. Don’t let me get a report Monday morning making you a liar.
Jack
July 3, 2012 at 1:49 pm
If you’re gonna drink, exercise moderation. Don’t drink till you think you’re Tim Kennedy – I will NOT bail you out of jail, nor visit you in the hospital.
Bar None
July 3, 2012 at 1:52 pm
If it smells like a fish, it’s just a regular dish. But if it smell like perfume, then she’s covering up doom!
(Oh yeah, there was also something said about. . . matches? ? ? Swimming alone? ? ? Don’t really remember, we were laughing too hard)
Tanner Johnson
July 3, 2012 at 1:52 pm
If you have to ask yourself “should I, or shouldn’t I”, you shouldn’t.
john
July 3, 2012 at 1:58 pm
Just because your wife did it to you on deployment doesn’t mean you can do it to her in garrison but if you do remember to keep your ops black and me out of them.
Adam
July 3, 2012 at 2:04 pm
Dont fry bacon naked. Dont beat your spouse, beat your meat.
Mike
July 3, 2012 at 2:14 pm
Drink before you go to the bar, it’s cheaper that way. Go ugly early, none of you are going to taking home a prom queen. And remember this, she ain’t ugly if your dick is in her mouth.
Specialist Little
July 3, 2012 at 2:21 pm
This is an actual safety briefing sent down from higher ups this past weekend at my current unit…
“Due to recent DUIs in the battalion I have to tell you this… I know you don’t need to hear it cuz your smart but I’m bound by my orders… So fuck it, here it is. Drinking and driving is fucking hazardous to your health and your military career… Don’t drink and drive dumbasses… Now go have a fun 4th of July”
I shit you not.
Kurt
July 3, 2012 at 2:33 pm
Fireworks…good
Cops..good
gas stations.. good
Shooting fireworks at gas stations with cops around NOT GOOD
Tom
July 3, 2012 at 2:34 pm
Gentleman we have been deployed, dirty, and nasty for a while now. A word of advice…before you head down range, best to fire that first round off manually lest you get embarrassed!
John
July 3, 2012 at 2:48 pm
1SG Walker when I was RA in the ’90s:
“If you’re gonna drink…DON’T DRINK! Do some PT! If you’re gonna beat your wife…DON’T BEAT YOUR WIFE! Do some PT! If you’re gonna go out and get laid…DON’T GET LAID! Do some PT! It’s better than sex. It’s better than drugs. It’s better than drink. It’s PT.”
That was a PTin’ M’F'er…
Pete
July 3, 2012 at 3:32 pm
“Don’t get fucking caught!”
1st Sgt Smitty
Steve
July 3, 2012 at 4:47 pm
From a great 1SG (later CSM) in 3/504 PIR, 82nd ABN DIV.
“Drink liquor!! Beer makes you fat!”
and
“If you get in a fight you better beat that mother fucker’s ass and not embarrass me when I have to see the DIV CSM!”
Will
July 3, 2012 at 5:26 pm
“wrap it in latex, or she’s going to get your paychecks”
Fifthdeadlysin
July 3, 2012 at 6:43 pm
“Do not add or subtract from the population……and that number is not cumulative either.”
“If you’re gonna have sex just don’t look her in the eye or she’s gonna get pregnant.”
Erven
July 3, 2012 at 6:49 pm
Do something that would piss off jane fonda and the westboro baptist church. If it wouldn’t piss them off, it’s not worth doing.
Chase
July 3, 2012 at 6:52 pm
If it isn’t yours, don’t touch it.
If you didn’t come with it, don’t leave with it.
If your going to get it on, put it on.
Ski
July 3, 2012 at 7:11 pm
If your going to drink and drive kill only yourself…if you do drugs do enough to kill your self…if your going to fuck with out a condom you’ll get fucked in 9 months…if your going to go UA leave all your shit…and because of flare wars in iraq in 2006 no flare wars between barracks
Jrock Fitch
July 3, 2012 at 8:55 pm
“Don’t buy into her age, check that ID. This isn’t Florida or France.”
“Always do a nut check when picking up ‘ladies’ in West Waikiki.”
“If it’s fun, you can’t do it.”
“You fuckers aren’t going to listen to a god damn thing I say; in fact you will do the opposite in spite. I don’t care, but don’t get caught.”
Nick Friday
July 4, 2012 at 12:13 am
If you do something stupid, I don’t care, but if you do, don’t call me. i won’t take you to the hospital because then you won’t learn anything.
Cory
July 4, 2012 at 7:48 am
*sung to Born in the USA*
Realized I couldn’t put coke up my nose
So I snorted bath salts like a Hobo
When I woke up I grabbed the tooth paste
Because I just ate some guy’s face
Now I’m facin’ UCMJ
Now I’m facin UCMJ
After 28 Budwiesers time to drive home
And then I got pulled over in a school zone
Turns out I blew .24
Looks like I’ll be a SPC for a year once more
(Chorus)
My wife said something that chapped my ass
So I stabbed her in the face with broken glass
Now I’m getting chaptered out with with no defense
Thanks to the Lautenberge Amendment
I had a woman I loved in south Karbool
No she’s dancing at Deje Vu
So I forgot a condom
Looks like my girlfriends a mom
My Friday nights used to be full of fun
Now it’s time to watch Dora and I guess I’m done
(Chorus)
jillian
July 4, 2012 at 10:49 pm
“Sure, do bath salts… If you want to fucking DIE!”
Mikey B
July 6, 2012 at 2:32 pm
Via Bco 1/75 1SG:
“If you fight you better not lose. Beat his ass, yell semper fi to confuse the shit out of everyone, and pop smoke”.